Tuesday, April 28, 2009

at the crossroads

A couple of weeks into this summer, I come across a lot of things that I need to think about. Maybe this is the only thing that I’m good at: thinking. I still am at the crossroads of whether pursuing graduate studies or work wherever I think my Bachelor’s degree could take me. Thus, the thing that I do most, besides the usual daily household chores I do at this time of year…is thinking about this and that, the connection of one thing to another...In short, I’m making my life complicated.

After I graduated from college, my mother started to express her sentiment towards work; and she already decided to retire by May of this year. She’s going to explore new grounds and try something new. She wants to pursue her studies in the Family Counseling field, and maybe at some point in time, teach. On the other hand, my dad just had his operation last April 17, and is now on leave from work, recovering. He hopes he can come back to work a few days from now. He said that staying at home bores him…we share the same feeling. But the thing is, when summer comes and they’re away at work or elsewhere…I’m left in charge.

My older siblings are concentrating on their work. Our youngest will go on his COCC training by next week. As for me, and as I said earlier, I am deciding whether should I go for studying once more or work…I want to study, yes. After that, I am planning to teach, and I want to teach. But there are certain things that hinder that goal from happening still.

My girlfriend was right, and I owe it to her that I see the bigger picture now. I still have time, I believe so. I have to think that I am not the only one who’s going to gain or lose with whatever action I would take. Besides, I realized that I taking masteral studies in philosophy after freshly graduating from college could be an unwise decision. I need to experience a lot more before I take on that road. With regards to work, I think it’s time for me to be mature enough to take on the challenges of the outside world. I’ve been sheltered too long for me to realize that I cannot depend on anyone for so long, and that I have to stand up one day, in one way or another.

Somehow, I envy my girlfriend at that part. She’s now having her On-the-Job Training (OJT) in Makati, and so far, she said she’s having the time of her life. She knows so much about practical things, and most of the time, she gives me pieces of this and that to remember. I can say that though she doesn’t look like it, she is way more mature than me in more ways than one. I just hope that one day, I could be the same. Because right now, I’m not…I know.