RANDOM THOUGHTS

It has been again quite some time since I had the change to write (or type) my thoughts here. I owe it to the fact that I was somehow busy minding about what’s going to happen a few months from now…the moment of truth for philosophy students, that is. I was busy preparing my reviewers and everything related to it, that I never had the chance to sit and think about everything that’s happening in me, outside of me, and everything in between.

At the start of the school year, I decided to move out from the dormitory where I used to live for two years, for reasons that are most unpractical for me. Though I moved to a place a little far from the school, I enjoy those afternoon walks going back there and having little chances for exercise.

I somehow pity myself that I a left now with only 6 units to complete (minus the thesis), but that would be all taken care of in due time. There is one thing that I am sure of; I’m going to graduate this school year, no matter what.
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I just realized more that no matter how hard I try to talk to people and suggest on how they carry on with their problems, all I can do is such. As its term suggest means, that’s all that I can do. I may be able to influence people, but that is all that there is to it. They still have the decision all for themselves.

I am not saying that I want to control their lives. There are just times that I believe that I know what’s best, and I’m trying to prevent whatever bad that may come…I am just concerned. I am so fed up in seeing people close to my heart getting hurt over and over again. If I could just take it all in myself…I would gladly do so.

I never really believed in superstitions, but one struck me. Our house-helper noticed a mole on my shoulder, and told me, “Kawawa ka naman kuya, pasan mo ang mundo”. Maybe I do…

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I’ve always tried to look at the positive points in life that is in front of me. But I do not disillusion myself to the point that I choose not to see the rest. I am honestly getting myself in the line of hurt for many times so that I could prevent others from feeling it as well. Maybe I have this talent of seeing all possible consequences of me and other’s decisions, and I try to decide on all of them before they even come. I try to keep a smiling face and a happy attitude in front of others so that they won’t feel pity for me.

In this short life of mine, I just want people to remember me as someone who, “loves not much but well”.

Losing “Friends”

“Hindi ako manhid at hindi rin ako tanga para hindi ko maramdaman and nangyayaring sa paligid ko“.

I never had the luxury of friends, I know. Ever since I was a kid, I just had a handful, and this handful even fades away, one after the other. Yes, I have a lot of friends, in its general term. However, for those people who remain true to what a friend really is…they’re just a few.

From my former home in Muntinlupa, the only people I can really call friends until now are not more than equivalent to all the number of the fingers in my hands.

From my former companions in the seminary, where I spent 7 years of my life, almost everyone completely forgot that I exist.

From my friends at my religious community, do they still remember me?

And from where I am now, can someone please tell me?

I can’t blame them. And I choose not to. Maybe it’s my fault too. Or rather, I believe that it’s partly my fault why I’m losing them. But I won’t admit to such nonsense that spoke of that I’m pushing people away.

I find it weird that I have a lot of friends in sites such as Friendster or Multiply. But are they, really, my friends? Maybe, some of them were…How about right now?

Questions in my head, some of them, popped out like: “Is it because that I’m not with you anymore, that you treat me like a stranger?” or “Is it because that we had crossed each other out that we’re both not open to mend?” But one of the things that I am asking myself right now is, “Do they really see me as a friend, or someone/something else?”

I try to reach out as best as I can, but right now, I am hesitating if what I’m doing still has of any worth. I want, and try, to connect once more to the people that I had been with, to be a friend once more to them.

I cannot stand alone. And I choose not to.

This may be my weakness, but I accept it.

Before, That Day, and on the Same Day

What Came Before…

Before I share almost everything that transpired during my birthday, here’s what happened a few days before:

May 16-17: Almost all members of the family, minus my brother, went to Laguna (my father’s province) to celebrate my grandmother’s 90^th birthday. My father, along with some other relatives, made this as a surprise to our grandmother. When we arrived, I was surprised that someone from the extended family made a tarpaulin of my grandmother (actually, just her face) with a younger body, set in a beach (wow! my grandmother in a bikini? my deceased grandfather might wake up from the dead and dress her upJ) Anyway, only about half of the whole clan came, considering it was a Friday, but the party was great. I was tasked to take the video of the whole thing, much to the enjoyment of one of my cousins who wants me to take a picture of her with the town’s parish priest (what?! anyway, just let it be )

After the celebration ended around 9 in the evening, it was time for some fun for the big boys. There were two groups: the “old” and the “not so old”. I joined the latter and started drinking and singing (with the videoke) the night away. We ended at around 2 in the morning of the next day, with me still sober and wanting more. Anyways, with everyone asleep, there’s no fun in it. My family left Laguna for home before lunchtime.

May 17-18: We arrived a little before 1 in the afternoon and took our lunch at home. After we had rested for about two hours, we left again for Batangas. This is to remember my grandfather in my mother side’s passing away a year ago. Nothing much happened the night we arrived there, but it was sure crowded the next day, especially since my relatives also decided to have a reunion of their clan at the same time. Of course, I was still given the task to be the videographer of all that happened there. We left before dinner and arrived home at around 9 in the evening.

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My Birthday, as well as…

May 19: I woke up early in the morning, though I slept late the night before (my girlfriend was the first one to greet me for this special day at around 12 midnight…THANKS BABY!) Anyway, considering that it was Monday, I decided to have a little celebration at dinnertime, when everyone’s home already. My sister is going to work, while my parents went on leave from work to rest….A little fast-forward to 3 in the afternoon (why? you’ll know), I came back home and rested for a while, then ordered pancit palabok for dinnertime. I thought there would be no cake but we ended up with two for the night: one was from my mother, and the other came from my sister’s boyfriend (thank you…thank you). I was quite sad that my girlfriend was not there for dinner (why again? you’ll know…read on). It was a simple dinner with the family, but I believe it quite catches up to the definition of celebration. I want to thank everyone who remembered me on my birthday. I know I don’t have the luxury of friends, but I know that I have those who are up to the real meaning of a friend.

Here’s a quick rundown of everyone (besides my family) who greeted me on my birthday, in order (as a sign of gratitude):

Through text message:

My Baby Joan (my girlfriend…the one and only)

Cybill (a very good friend way back elementary)

Lalaine (childhood friend, schoolmate back in elementary)

Ate Shadow (My Baby Joan’s sister-in-law)

Ate Irma (my cousin from Laguna)

Ate Ivy (my cousin from Batangas)

Angeline (also a very good friend way back elementary)

Patricia/ Trixie (a very good friend in the youth ministry)

Coycoy (another cousin from Laguna)

Ate Rhoda (still my cousin from Laguna)

Alfred (my best buddy from Muntinlupa, also a schoolmate from elementary)

Tita Shirley (my tita from Batangas)

Jenny (good friend from the youth ministry)

Fatima (my friend from Batangas)

Through the Internet (Friendster, Multiply, YM):

Aldin (my former classmate from the seminary)

Ate May (my cousin from Laguna)

Yahweh (my classmate from elementary)

Bro. Jomar (my friend from Don Bosco)

Sr. Gener (my former superior in the Student Council)

Naiza (my buddy and former boss in the Student Council)

D.A. and Vic (friends from the youth ministry)

Ate Jaisa (my ate in the youth ministry)

Again, thanks a lot guys and gals for remembering…and making it more special for me. My prayers for all of you.

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Me and My Girlfriend’s First Anniversary

The same day, May 19: Considering that my girlfriend would be having her finals the next day, she made and I accepted her decision not to come at my house for dinner with the family. She needs to study, I know. Anyway, with my birthday comes our first year anniversary. Still, I thank the Lord for making us strong and faithful to each other for all this time. We both pray for everything that we need to have successful individual and shared lives.

I was touched most by how she shared even a little time of that day for me. She asked me if we can go out for a while to celebrate. I accepted her suggestion, and we went to SM Southmall. She was with me when I bought a present to myself (a laptop backpack). She was somehow sorry that she wasn’t able to give me something, but I told her that everything’s fine…her presence and ever-growing love for me was more than enough. We window-shopped to look for shoes that she would buy the next time we go there, and ate lunch at Tokyo Tokyo. We also had fun with arcades at Tom’s World (our favorite pastime at Southmall) and came back home a little before 2 in the afternoon. I stayed there for a while. Before I left, my girlfriend handed over an envelope to me, and read the letter inside it on the way home. Yes, we still write letters to each other. With that, I can say that that letter completed my day…even before it actually ended.

To my dearest girlfriend, Joan:

A year had passed since the moment we came to be closer and more intimate with each other…and I am looking forward to spending and living my life with you. Whatever happens…happens. As long as we’re together, I think everything’s going to be fine. We may have problems along the way, but we’ll manage. I may have said so many things, but this, I hope you’ll always feel and remember: I LOVE YOU. How much? How long? Just let me prove it to you.

just a simple realization...

for a certain event in my life, i saw that...

when i left, i was forgotten and left behind
seems like everyone forgot about me, or chose to do so
thus, i realized that there is nothing to come back to...

if you only know the reason behind
you may see that there is more than what meets the eye
much more, your eyes in what you're seeing...right now

Waiting for that time to come…

Just today, I celebrated with my girlfriend the 11 months that we had been officially together. Next month, on my birthday, we’ll be having our anniversary. And I thank the Lord for this day (as I always do every day), and much more, I thank the Lord for the strength and continuing guidance He provided us to still be together and in love with each other.

I fetched her in her house at around 9 in the morning and left a little before 10. We went to SM Southmall and roamed around for a little less than 2 hours. We ate our simple lunch together at the foodcourt and went to the cinema. We decided to have some laughs to digest our lunch, so we watched “Superhero Movie”; and as expected, after the movie, we felt hungry again (haha…) I bought her something to drink on the way home, and arrived back to her house at around 4 in the afternoon.

A simple and happy day it was for the both of us, but it was not like that every day…

This past week, for example. We had a lot of misunderstandings, small quarrels and even empty senseless arguments with each other; most of the time was caused by me. From a single complaint such as her not texting me whenever she can, to an argument caused by her not telling me to who she is communicating to; and some others.

Yes, of all those times, we argued and argued to the point that either or both of us would end up crying. And also, for all those times, I ask myself, “What’s happening to me? What’s wrong with me? Am I still afraid of the past?”

But, for all those times that I doubt myself, my worthiness to her and to the joy of the relationship that we’re sharing, she always lets me know that, “Everything’s going to be fine, I’m always here for you. I love you so much”.

There were times that I tell myself, though not in a boastful manner, that she’s lucky to have me. Now, I see myself as wrong. I realized and had completely understood that I’m lucky that I have her. Moreover, I am blessed that I am with her, and she is with me. I love my girlfriend so much.

I just wish that when we’re ready, we can really be together…forever.

Collection of Experiences

It had been quite a while since I last visited and jotted some thoughts to this blog. I had been busy these past few days, for a month or so. Ever since I arrived back home from Canlubang last March 15, I had been given the duty as “temporary” househelper of the house; considering that our helper went home to Bicol for her vacation. She deserves her break, I understand. And as for my part, I need to contribute to the welfare of the house and the family in any way I can, right? (Considering that I’m a member of it)

Some of the scattered experiences I had during that time until the present (some of those that I can remember) are as follows (in enumeration):

• Had my mother’s birthday the next day after I arrived, and I pushed myself not to sleep though tired to make a simple birthday gift to her (a birthday card)
• Been in charge of the whole house, and experiences only short day-offs during the Sunday afternoons from 5 in the afternoon until around 9 in the evening to be with my girlfriend for mass and dinner at her place (I felt like Cinderella with a short time then J)
• Cleaning the whole place, inside and outside the house, in a scheduled basis rotating twice for the whole week.
• Be in charge of two of my brothers (one older, the other younger than me), who are considered as the most disorganized when the house is the topic. Whenever they leave a certain area, I have to be sure that it is placed back in order or else…haha
• Cooking simple dishes for lunch and dinner, especially when my parents tell me to. They would call me up in the afternoon to give me instructions on what to cook and how to cook it.
• Was able to visit our old house in Muntinlupa and gave the old grotto there a “new look” (I repainted the whole of it, using a set of small brushes for detail)
• Went home to Laguna to be in our family’s traditional Holy Week observance there. Unfortunately, only my dad and I went there.
• Was able to survive the mountain of clothes to be washed when our labandera didn’t arrive when she had to. I washed the family’s 7 days worth of clothes and others with the help of the good old washing machine and my hands. My hands still hurt until now (jokes!)

There’s still a lot more, and I’ll post them next time. No one can tell me that I was a slacker during vacation, right? J

makes me whole...(a song dedicated to my girlfriend)

i would like to dedicate this song to my girlfriend for our 10 months together...

for my girlfriend...
whatever the future holds for us, i know we'll always be together...for better or for worse
i love you so much...and you know the rest

Makes Me Whole by Amel Larrieux

Darling I want you to listen
I stayed up all night, so I can get this thing right
And I don't think there's anything missing
Cause a person like you, made it easy to do
I've waited for so long, to sing to you this song

Cause your eyes are the windows to heaven
Your smile could heal a million souls
Your love completes my existence
You're the other half that makes me whole
You're the only other half that makes me whole

I think the angels are your brothers, yeah
They told you about me, said you're just what she needs
And I find myself thanking your mother
For giving birth to a saint
My spirit flies when I say your name
If there's one thing that's true
It's that I was born to love you

Cause your eyes are the windows to heaven
Your smile could heal a million souls
Your love completes my existence
You're the other half that makes me whole
You're the only other half that makes me whole

You make my dreams
Come true over and, over again
And I honestly truly believe
You and me are written in the stars
I live my whole life through
To giving thanks to you

Cause your eyes are the windows to heaven
Your smile could heal a million souls
Your love completes my existence
You're the other half that makes me whole
You're the only other half that makes me whole

:)

WHAT MY NAME MEANS :))

What Kristoffer Afable Means


You are a seeker of knowledge, and you have learned many things in your life.
You are also a keeper of knowledge - meaning you don't spill secrets or spread gossip.
People sometimes think you're snobby or aloof, but you're just too deep in thought to pay attention to them.

You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.
You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.
You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.
You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.
You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong.
You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know.
You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do.

You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life.
You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home.
You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble.

You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life.
You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you.
At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself.

You are loving, compassionate, and ruled by your feelings.
You are able to be a foundation for other people... but you still know how to have fun.
Sometimes your emotions weigh you down, but you generally feel free from them.

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.
You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.
At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.
You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.
You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You are full of energy. You are spirited and boisterous.
You are bold and daring. You are willing to do some pretty outrageous things.
Your high energy sometimes gets you in trouble. You can have a pretty bad temper at times.

You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.
You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily.
Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.

:)) would you agree?

My Christmas Vacation

…was great! Though, short, I believe that the last Christmas vacation that I had was the greatest so far. Let me share what happened on some days for that duration from December 22 to January 6:

December 22, 2007- after last night’s activity (College Christmas Party), I went back home for some Christmas shopping rush. I went home with my laptop bag and an additional baggage: a guitar that I won the previous night (Why Lord?! I don’t even know how to use it?)Those were not for me, though; but for my family. Ever since we transferred to our home in Parañaque, it has been our tradition to have “exchange gifts” for Christmas. This will be the third year, I guess. I was with my Baby Joan (my girlfriend) and we went to SM Southmall and spent the whole day there, some shopping and arcades at Storyland made our day.

December 24-I went together with my family for the yearly Christmas Eve Mass, and celebrated Christmas Day together at the strike of 12 in the midnight (thus, the next day). I gave my presents to everyone at home: a Spoof T-shirt for Daddy (with the “League of Pogi Gentlemen design), a book for Mommy (I believe she could use that in her counseling career), bags for both my sister and brother, two (2) PSP games for our youngest brother, and a bag as well for our Ate Ning (our helper).

December 25- unlike the previous years, where out relatives from the province would come to us for Christmas (from either side), this Christmas was quite a quiet one. It was just a simple day with the family. I went out in the afternoon to go to mass with my Baby Joan and after that, had a simple Christmas dinner with her family, then went immediately home for my own family’s Christmas dinner.

December 31- still, I went together with my family to the New Year’s Eve Mass, at the same time as the Christmas Eve Mass. Earlier that evening, our relatives from Bataan arrived to spend New Year with us (our Tito from her in his short vacation from his work in Dubai). Quarter time before the midnight of the New Year when all lights and electricity of our place went out. We didn’t know if there had been a mishap somewhere or it was just to avoid such mishap. Thus, we welcomed the New Year in darkness, but with the illumination and fading light of the fireworks up in the sky. Electricity went back at around 1:15 in the morning, as the lights and sounds show of the fireworks slowly died away. Me and my cousins (Ivy and Aiza) just took our chances with the videoke until about 4 in the morning.

Oh, by the way, it’s my Dad’s birthday as well (New Year’s Day).

January 1, 2008- the New Year shares the same day as my Dad’s birthday. When I woke up two hours after my sleep at 4 o’clock in the morning, I helped out with the preparations and at lunchtime, visitors and relatives from both sides of the family poured in. Total mayhem situation at hand, but we prevailed. After the day, the house is still at one piece, though some things were not. The most difficult part of my Dad’s celebration, I believe, was the cleanup. While Ate Ning (our helper) was busy in the kitchen, I was moving and cleaning about with the rest of the house: from the Kubo, to the Family Room, to the Dining Room as well as all the rooms where our visitors and relatives stayed for the day. At the end of the day, I just found out (sarcastic tone >:D) that my whole body’s aching.

But the most difficult thing that happened that day was…I was not able to go to mass with my girlfriend. I was stuck at home, while she decided to go with her family for that once-in-a-blue moon opportunity that they go to mass together. Anyway, I have to understand right?

January 4- both me and my Baby Joan (my girlfriend) decided to go to First Friday Mass, considering the fact that we still don’t have classes yet. After that, we went to the salon for my extended Christmas gift for her: Hair Relax. It was kind of boring, considering that I don’t have anything to do in that place (well…except watching the hairdresser work on my girlfriend’s hair), and maybe watch some stupid show in the TV. After that, we went for a while to our house for some scanning errand her father asked her to do. Then we went to her house and spent some hours there. Just a simple day with an extraordinary person, I believe.

Just a simple period in time, but made extraordinary by the things that we do, experience and learn. I sure learned a lot from this vacation. I know.

belated posts...not been bloggin' lately

Serenity Prayer

I liked this prayer for the reason that it fits whatever that had transpired in my life in the past, happening at the present, and would happen in the future. I want to give some thought on it, especially its first part…

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“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference…” The first line had been the eye-catcher for me in the sense that it struck me. I came to ask myself these questions: “What are the things that I would have wanted to change, but was unable to do so? that I was able to? What and where lies the difference?”

I was the Vice-President for Internal Affairs of the College Department of Don Bosco-Canlubang. Honestly, I was really idealistic when I first came into position. Considering that I was just a transferee then, I asked myself, “How can I lead, if I don’t know how? How can I lead them, if I don’t know them?” Yet for a year and a half of serving in that position, I came to realize, that there’s more to it than meets the eye.

I was a new student in that school back then, so I have struggled to learn much about almost anything that I need and have to know about my duties and responsibilities. I was new to the environment you know. I came from a former school a lot different from where I am now. Also, I tried my best to be optimistic most of the times; even if there’s no more reason for it.

When I came to the position, I have so much in mind: plans, proposals, ideas, activities and many more; all for the benefit of the students; who I promised to serve. But as I proceeded with my term of office, I came to realize that not all of those that I had in mind can be real. I wasn’t able to accept them at first, and was willing to fight for what I believe if I was given a chance.

But then, there were also times when I had the chance to see my plans through; to change the things that I knew I can. However, I cowered and displaced myself on one corner, having the thought that even if I knew I can, it won’t succeed.

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Collection of thoughts to reflect this New Year:

At the end of the previous year, I was able to encounter some words which I thought to be best for me as my guiding thoughts for the year. Some of which are the following:

From Rene Descartes…

It is not enough to have a good mind. The main thing is to use it well.

The Zero Fallacy…

The fact that it is limited doesn’t mean that there is none.

The fact that it is not seen doesn’t mean it’s not there.

The fact that it is unnoticeable doesn’t mean it can’t hurt of affect you.

A message at the beginning and as the semester continues…

“Whatever life you discover at the margins, must be verified and tested at the center”

Another thought…

Are the questions that are most needed to ask are the questions not being asked in the first place?

And when it is asked, is it answered?

Are things asked that are not answered, not answered because one cannot? Or one does not want?

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I THINK THERE’S SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME…

BUT STILL, I CANNOT SINGLE THAT PROBLEM OUT…

just a word of warning

i know blogs are supposed to be a means of expressing one's thoughts...

but don't cross the line...

i post this to you, and you know who you are...

dont assume or even say things you are never sure of... if you think you're right, think again, you're wrong...how do i know? ask the other person...one of which you spoke of....clear your clouded and fantasizing head...

choose: either you retract all the lies that you posted, or let yourself be humiliated.

its my business...and you know why.

about my girlfriend and the coming semester...

I love my girlfriend.

I just can’t believe myself that after everything that I have to go through for this, she’s here with me, and she’s worth everything that I went through.

But come to think of it, why would I have to put myself into this, according to some, “mess”? Wouldn’t it be nice for me to stay single?

Simple, I do not think like them. This relationship that I am into right now is not a mess, and I chose, and still am choosing, to be in it and be with her.

There may have been times that we had our petty quarrels, misunderstandings and cold moments; but what matters and counts are those moments that we spend to make it up.

We may not know what the future may bring us, but this we’re sure…we’ll be there for each other, no matter what.

Baby, I love you so much!

==========

This semestral break, though short, had been fruitful (I guess). Next week, classes officially open for the second semester. And this semester, I believe would be a lot more challenging for my part.

I really wish to finish my studies by October next year (the latest), and proceed to job-hunting immediately for experience. I plan to take my masterals for my course and proceed to teaching, my second dream, aside from….some knows what. But then, past is past; and I’m over with what has transpired then, and I don’t want to get back anymore.

Going back (harhar), having 15 units (and 8 units more, I hope), will be challenging, plus the fact that I will be reviewing as well for the comprehensive exam in the latter part of this semester. Aside from that, I will be both helping out with my mom and girlfriend in their different academic requirements throughout this semester (my mom with her academic requirements at CEFAM, while my girlfriend’s minor subjects at San Beda…I can’t actually help her with her majors, thoughL).

Some asked me, “Can you keep up?”

I say, “I’m not sure, but there’s no harm in trying, right?”

Besides, I believe that I have slacked (not the exact term) enough; it’s time for me to be fully focused on the things that I need to do.

I’m gonna need every help that I can get… wahahahaha!

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missing my girlfriend, the final exams, and the past week's events...

Being away from your loved ones is a hard thing. I believe that. A short experience of that came when I had my retreat last Wednesday. Since its three days, I would not be able to communicate to anyone back at home for three days.

Yes, indeed, I missed my family. That’s given. But that one who I really missed was my girlfriend. I remember that I called her before our retreat started and said that I would not be able to communicate with her for the rest of the retreat. I was really relieved when I heard her say that she understands. She told me that she’ll be praying for me, and told me to enjoy the retreat.

Honestly, I was thinking about her the whole retreat. Since the retreat module was fitted to our batch, some of its contents centered on relationships, especially on the boyfriend-girlfriend relationships. With those, I began to think of the many experiences that I had with her; from the moment I started to court her, until now. I asked myself a lot of questions, and even subjected myself to criticism on how I handled my relationship with her. I kept these questions and asked it to her when I came back. Relief and intense happiness was the feeling that I felt when she assured me that though things do not go our way, I still got her.

I have to admit, since this is my first relationship, it was hard at first, due to some problems that we have to encounter. But the burden is not only carried by one; but by both of us. It makes things lighter for us. We quarrel at times; but we try to settle everything immediately. We are trying to help each other out. Corny as it may seem, I do not let the day pass until I let her know and feel that I love her so much.

We will be celebrating our 5^th month together sometime soon. It’s still fresh and new, I know. But strong and long-lasting relationships start from scratch, right? We’re trying to make our relationship work; and we can see that it is working.

We may not have the perfect relationship, but we believe that it’s the right one.

For my girlfriend: I love you so much, and I will always be, not only here, but with you.

----

This week will be Final Examinations Week for most of us. For me and my girlfriend, we have this as our “hell week”. Weeks before, even until the present, we are trying to start studying and we’re actually progressing (haha!)

I’ll be having my exams only from Tuesday to Thursday, since tomorrow’s our review day and Friday’s a holiday. Good thing that I don’t have exams scheduled on Friday.

Right now, I need to focus. Study. Understand. And I guess this also goes to everyone who will be having their exams this week.

May I quote: “We study not for the grades, but for life”. Take your studies seriously, or the future won’t be serious with you.

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These past few days, I had been quite busy and I can just imagine how the last week of the semester would turn out to be. Finals week is coming, and its coming real fast. But a little time given to self erases that tendency to freak out and lose control, right? And that is just what I am doing right now.

For the past weeks after two of my professors arrived, we have been constantly jamming our heads with the lessons needed to be finished by final examinations. I just had my finals in Philosophical Latin last Tuesday, and I have a 1.75 already as my final grade. Since I don’t have much time at home to do my stuffs, I usually do them at school.

Then came Wednesday. Though my batch is going to a retreat in the afternoon, we still had to attend class. So, I managed to come to 4 hours of class, from 8:30-12:30 in the morning, 2 hours for Theodicy and the rest of the two for Modern Philosophy; though somehow at the back of my head, I feel like I already want to go away and take some time off from stuffs.

We left the school at around 2:30 in the afternoon, bound for Tagaytay (Don Bosco Batulao). However, after all were inside the bus, Fr. Noel announced to us that instead of Tagaytay, we would go to Lucban at the Kamay ni Hesus Pilgrimage Site for our retreat. It was a breather for most of us, since it’s a new place for us (we had our batch retreat in Batulao last year). Details of the retreat would come later; but for now, all I can say is that I’m an emotional person, and I kept on crying most of the time in our retreat.

Friday came, and the retreat that was supposed to have ended at around 1, ended at some minutes after 3 in the afternoon. We left Lucban at around 4 and arrived back at school nearing 7 in the evening, thanks (sarcastically) to the slow movement of traffic along the way. Not even 10 minutes at school, I decided to go home, hoping I would catch up with my girlfriend whose having a class until 8:30 in the evening (supposedly). But she texted me and said that they’ll end their class an hour earlier. I said, Damn! I won’t be in time. I just asked her what she wants me to bring to her, and at some minutes before 9, after being soaked in the rain and held up in slow traffic again, I arrived at their house. An hour later, tired and sleepy, I went home.

:)

A few months back, on this day (the 19^th), I formally thought of myself as no longer single. And I finished acting like one.

I am no longer single, and I chose to be. And until today, I am living in that decision. I know she still chooses it too.

Yes, she is my first girlfriend. Many tell me that I am becoming too idealistic with regards to my present relationship (since it’s my first). I don’t know, maybe I do. Some still tell me that I am giving too much. Maybe I am, but I don’t regret it.

I always tell her that I do not have any regrets that she was the one I chose to be with. We may have our differences, but that’s alright. What’s more important right now for me, I believe, is that we understand each other, we are there for each other, and we love each other as such as we can and do.

I am fully committed to her and to this relationship that I have. There may have been times that I fell short of the things that I should have done, but I will try to be the best that I can be.

I chose not to be the perfect one for her, but I am trying to be the right one. And I think, that is what she wants more.

For my girlfriend: I love you, and I will always be here for you and with you, no matter what.

a moment of comic thinking

last friday, while we were waiting for our turn for our oral exams in rational psychology, some of my classmates and i shared a little chat about ideas we brought up in our study. i would like to share one here.

my classmate asked: "what if God thinks and acts like a human being?"
one answered: "if that is so, how would he react when one enters heaven?"

here comes the scenario...we believe that when one passes from this life to the other (that is, when we are already in front of the ultimate good, who is GOD), one will never be able to resist Him. the only thing that one can do is but surrender to the ultimate goodness that is God.

placing a comic picture of heaven, with the gates of heaven in front of someone going to it, we pictured out what that person may be saying:

"yes! i am in heaven now! i am so happy! i will be with God! i will never ask for anything else!"

however, on the other side of the gate, God (placing that God thinks and acts like us) thinks:

"will I be happy when he comes here?"

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we meant not to degrade or cause anything negative to the idea, as well as the image of God. however, i assume that one (as i did), can reflect on this scenario.

at the end of this blog...i would like to ask: "what are we doing in this life that would please God?"

OK…We believe it’s time

For these past months, I was trying to discern whether or not to do something that I thought could somehow be left undone. However, I was wrong. It is really right to say that the truth will reveal itself in time. Still, it is right to say that the truth will set us free.

Looking into the past, why was I thinking like that? Why am I still trying to think about saying the truth? Can you blame me for not trusting the people I used to trust? Can you blame me for not saying the truth?

But, looking into myself, what was it that I was thinking about? What did I fear? Who? Was I anxious or depressed at the fact that I feared rejection and criticism? I was weighing the scales…and at some point in time, I had the wrong measurement.

But now, before the truth is tainted with lies, here it goes…

I am in love, and the person that I am in love with is now with me. In short, she’s my girlfriend now. Who, you say? Would there be anyone else?

At this point, let me explain myself, though I need not to…

The reason why I decided to forego the immediacy of telling people of this truth is not only for me; but also for her. We were both going through a lot of things lately, and we are trying to avoid anything that would make matters worse. I admit, being here was not easy, but even if it’s hard, it was all worth it. If people would judge us on this, let it be. But I believe that for the both of us, as well as for the rest of the minority who understands the whole picture…I did the right thing.

If the truth, whether the whole or in part, needs to be known, let us know…we’ll fill you in. Nobody will ever give you what you ask in this…no one…except us.

What the?!

Just last Tuesday, my father texted me (since I’m in Canlubang) about them receiving a mail from the school. They received my grades from last semester. I just don’t know how or why they always get my grades before me, but no matter…I’m just happy that they’re getting to see what I’m trying to do to make myself better…in school.

I just noticed…from my former school…I never received flat 1’s for a grade…I can remember that I had 1.25 for P.E. (Karatedo) in my first year 2^nd semester and second year 2^nd semester. But here, in Don Bosco, I never thought I’ll even have one of that. First semester last year, I got 1, and for the following semester, I had 2.

Anyway, here’s what my parents received. I’m satisfied with this…and still, I’ll have to make myself better, right?

DON BOSCO COLLEGE

Final Grades: 2^nd Term, 2006-2007

STUDENT ID: 0607001

NAME: Afable, Kristoffer B.

COURSE: AB-Philo

YEAR: 4th Year

Subject Code	Subject Title	Units	Grade
Fil 002	Panitikang Filipino	3	1.75
HPL 102	Scholasticism of St. Thomas Aquinas ( History of Medieval Philosophy)	3	1.00
HPL 109	History of Contemporary Philosophy	3	1.00
LTN 122	Church Latin II	2	2.00
Phl 105	Philosophy of Science and Technology (Cosmology)	3	1.50
Phl 133	Seminar: Political Philosophy	3	1.50
RLT 008	Marriage and Family Life	3	1.75
		Average (GPA)	1.48

Lost and Time

I lost them…

People…I mean.

They’re not just ordinary people, but they’re my friends.

I am not sure why or how, but knowing this won’t make them come back.

Maybe, that is just what it must be

They can live their lives without me, maybe its time for me to do the same…

Farewell…

Time…

Everything will reveal itself in time…I’m sure of that.

assorted stuffs...

Being Busy…

Over the past weeks, I have been into different events and happenings, either here in school (where I’m writing this blogpost) and even back at home. But looking at things, I feel that I am much more active, but on the expense of being drained, here in school.

Seen either positively or negatively, I am still working as the VP-Internal for the College Department Student Council. Though I confess that I am not the same person working the past year, I still do my duties and responsibilities whenever I have the chance to. Also, I give time and adjust my schedules for such. I am not such when the next election would be, but I am sure I will be full of mixed feelings when that time comes.

One of the reasons why the SC Elections is still held up is because we are still revising the SC Constitution for the College Dept. Although there had already been an existing constitution before, it needs to be revised and reorganized to fit into the environment given here at school. Also, I am working on a graphic representation of the chain of authority for the SC, from the main line Council down to the particulars. Though this may be finished in such a short time, the presence of my academics (as well as with others’ schedules…I am not the only one working on it, k?), we are still unable to complete this job. But, somehow, we take pride in the fact that we’re moving.

Although I relieved myself of my responsibilities from the youth ministry back home, as well as my membership for the Singles group I have in Cubao, I still have some work back at home. You see, I am helping my mom in her homeworks and projects in her special classes in Ateneo (she decided to take a special course there). That is the reason why I make all my requirements, both for SC and academic, at school. That is sometimes why I feel, together with my 19 units here at school, I still have 15 more…hahaha! But I feel good about it…being busy rather than being lax. At least I know what my actions lead to.

Just last week, August 15-16 to be exact, the school hosted the 5^th Don Bosco Schools’ Student Leaders’ Assembly. We in the Student Council were tasked to organize the event, and sure it was tough. We were making ourselves really busy for the event and when the day came, there were a lot of last-minute changes that brought us into near panic. Among them was the number of participants, which from the original 300+, came to only 250 something; due to the inability of DB-Mandaluyong to come, primarily because of the typhoon. We were on the verge of giving up when the other schools showed up. The events went on smoothly, despite the heavy rains which crippled some of our plans. At the end of the first day’s activity, I was already drained, but still there are a lot of things to do…and I, as well as the rest of the college organizers, were awoke in the full two days of the event. Talk about having big eyebags!

With all of these that happened, and with all of the things coming my way, it was just a blessing that classes were suspended last Friday as well, and Monday was declared a holiday. I needed a break..and was given it. Whew!

Sometimes…I Just Can’t Understand

I actually admire people who subject their decisions into consideration…however, being irresolute is too much!

Have you ever encountered someone who is like this? I do. And it isn’t easy. Sometimes, you’re being dragged into it.

But, come to think of it, isn’t it hard to let go of something special, even if it hurts a lot?

Just asking.

Thoughts from Classes

Spirituality 101

In one of my classes in Theodicy, with regards to God’s Immensity, one of the metaphysical perfections God has, a common mistake was corrected with regards to some mistakes done in invocation to prayer. Honestly, even I am sometimes a prey for this mistake.

It is wrong to say that: “Let us put ourselves in the presence of the Lord”….

Why?

Why still ask for the presence of the Lord if He is already present? Let us remember, including myself, that God is so immense, that He contains everything; but is not contained in anything. He is ever-present in His creatures, whether size or location is being talked about.

Therefore, let us then say:”Let us always remember that we are in the Most Loving Presence of the Lord”…

Immutability vs. Creation and Incarnation

This is one, I am afraid of those questions in Theodicy that I, as well shared by my classmates, have a really hard time answering. Okay, we already answered the relation and question of the Immutability of God with regards to Creation. But how about Incarnation?

Before going to that, though, what is Immutability? It is a metaphysical perfection that belongs to God which radically denies any change whatsoever. And since God is immutable, He is only pure Actuality, without any potentiality, or change, whatsoever.

What was the answer with regards to Immutability vs. Creation? Let me take note that it was not I who gave the answer, nor even an idea leading towards the answer during our class last Monday. The answer goes somehow like this: God did not change, but the change is only attributed to Him by the human intellect. That is only extrinsic change. It did not affect His being, thus, he did not change altogether.

But the question now is, how about the mystery of the Incarnation? In this matter, God already had a change of being, from God to man, as justified by: “And the Word became flesh…”

I’ll post the answer when I have the chance to know…

Name, Claim, Tame, Aim Feelings

The thought is simple: Name your feelings, claim what you named…tame it, and aim it at something useful…

Simply said…really hard to do.