A couple of weeks into this summer, I come across a lot of things that I need to think about. Maybe this is the only thing that I’m good at: thinking. I still am at the crossroads of whether pursuing graduate studies or work wherever I think my Bachelor’s degree could take me. Thus, the thing that I do most, besides the usual daily household chores I do at this time of year…is thinking about this and that, the connection of one thing to another...In short, I’m making my life complicated.
After I graduated from college, my mother started to express her sentiment towards work; and she already decided to retire by May of this year. She’s going to explore new grounds and try something new. She wants to pursue her studies in the Family Counseling field, and maybe at some point in time, teach. On the other hand, my dad just had his operation last April 17, and is now on leave from work, recovering. He hopes he can come back to work a few days from now. He said that staying at home bores him…we share the same feeling. But the thing is, when summer comes and they’re away at work or elsewhere…I’m left in charge.
My older siblings are concentrating on their work. Our youngest will go on his COCC training by next week. As for me, and as I said earlier, I am deciding whether should I go for studying once more or work…I want to study, yes. After that, I am planning to teach, and I want to teach. But there are certain things that hinder that goal from happening still.
My girlfriend was right, and I owe it to her that I see the bigger picture now. I still have time, I believe so. I have to think that I am not the only one who’s going to gain or lose with whatever action I would take. Besides, I realized that I taking masteral studies in philosophy after freshly graduating from college could be an unwise decision. I need to experience a lot more before I take on that road. With regards to work, I think it’s time for me to be mature enough to take on the challenges of the outside world. I’ve been sheltered too long for me to realize that I cannot depend on anyone for so long, and that I have to stand up one day, in one way or another.
Somehow, I envy my girlfriend at that part. She’s now having her On-the-Job Training (OJT) in Makati, and so far, she said she’s having the time of her life. She knows so much about practical things, and most of the time, she gives me pieces of this and that to remember. I can say that though she doesn’t look like it, she is way more mature than me in more ways than one. I just hope that one day, I could be the same. Because right now, I’m not…I know.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Me and My Girlfriend :)
As of this moment, I am with my girlfriend for 1 year, 9 months, 20 days and counting. And I cannot wait until we reach our 2nd year anniversary…much more when that time comes when I can say that we are together for life.
Somehow, at the onset, this year’s haven’t been good to our relationship, due to many factors of which I would be depressed if still remembered. If it is possible to erase it in our history, I would gladly take that. But the fact remains that it won’t happen, and the best thing to do to those “dark moments” is mold them to something where both of us can learn. I give my girlfriend the credit for this one for two reasons: she has more maturity in dealing with this kind of relationship, and she is the one who in spite of anything and everything, continues to stay strong for us.
Actually, I cannot blame the time or the circumstance; I could just point at my actions and reactions which led to the unpleasant things that occurred in our relationship. Pointing fingers or playing the blame game isn’t part of my attitude. I cannot even blame her, why should I?
I can remember the time when I posted here some of the thoughts that I came up with regarding relationships. I can also remember that I mentioned in the last line that those thoughts remain as such unless lived. I tried to live those thoughts, some of them proved to be true in certain percentages, and some others still need to be reviewed and revised.
Going back, there were a lot of realizations that happened as my girlfriend and I go through our lives, as individual persons, and as a couple. Sometimes, I’m at fault of not knowing where the line is drawn. I admit that at times, I over-exaggerate, argue at almost everything and even shut my mind in what I want to think. She may not tell me, but I realize that there are times that both of us tend to hurt one another without both of us knowing. Still, I hold on to the thought that “success and failure of our relationship cannot be attributed to just one or the other, but on us both”. Since we’re still together, growing stronger and more faithful to one another…we’re still doing the right thing, in spite of all the rough edges that we had or have at this point
From the moment we first met back at 2005 until now, I won’t ask for anything to be changed, even if I’m given a chance to. Yes, things may have been better or more colorful, but I am more thankful at the fact that, through thick and thin, through the ups and downs that both of us shared…we continue to let each other know and feel that we are loved. Everything else follows.
I can continue on relating things about us, but let me stop for the meantime…
The truth remains: I love her so much, and she knows the rest :)
Somehow, at the onset, this year’s haven’t been good to our relationship, due to many factors of which I would be depressed if still remembered. If it is possible to erase it in our history, I would gladly take that. But the fact remains that it won’t happen, and the best thing to do to those “dark moments” is mold them to something where both of us can learn. I give my girlfriend the credit for this one for two reasons: she has more maturity in dealing with this kind of relationship, and she is the one who in spite of anything and everything, continues to stay strong for us.
Actually, I cannot blame the time or the circumstance; I could just point at my actions and reactions which led to the unpleasant things that occurred in our relationship. Pointing fingers or playing the blame game isn’t part of my attitude. I cannot even blame her, why should I?
I can remember the time when I posted here some of the thoughts that I came up with regarding relationships. I can also remember that I mentioned in the last line that those thoughts remain as such unless lived. I tried to live those thoughts, some of them proved to be true in certain percentages, and some others still need to be reviewed and revised.
Going back, there were a lot of realizations that happened as my girlfriend and I go through our lives, as individual persons, and as a couple. Sometimes, I’m at fault of not knowing where the line is drawn. I admit that at times, I over-exaggerate, argue at almost everything and even shut my mind in what I want to think. She may not tell me, but I realize that there are times that both of us tend to hurt one another without both of us knowing. Still, I hold on to the thought that “success and failure of our relationship cannot be attributed to just one or the other, but on us both”. Since we’re still together, growing stronger and more faithful to one another…we’re still doing the right thing, in spite of all the rough edges that we had or have at this point
From the moment we first met back at 2005 until now, I won’t ask for anything to be changed, even if I’m given a chance to. Yes, things may have been better or more colorful, but I am more thankful at the fact that, through thick and thin, through the ups and downs that both of us shared…we continue to let each other know and feel that we are loved. Everything else follows.
I can continue on relating things about us, but let me stop for the meantime…
The truth remains: I love her so much, and she knows the rest :)
Blessings in my Academic Life
After the Foundation Week in our school, I decided to park my pen (or my typing fingers) for some time to focus in studying for both my undergraduate thesis and my comprehensive examination in Philosophy, dubbed as the “De Universa”.
I’ve been studying for the comprehensive examination ever since the start of the school year, however, the things that I’ve studied vanish from my mind after some time. With that situation, I start from the beginning once more. I’ve got seven philosophical treatises to familiarize (if not memorize) myself with (Critics, Metaphysics, Theodicy, Cosmology, Rational Psychology, General and Special Ethics); not counting the philosophy history subjects (Ancient, Medieval, Modern and Contemporary) and the electives (Political and Filipino Philosophy). Honestly, I am not an intellectual student who always got straight A’s or flat 1’s in the transcript…I have good grades with some, if not all, subjects; and that’s the point! Considering also that I am just a transferee student in my present school, I need to make a lot of adjustments. But, with how everything’s looking at this point, I think and believe that everything’s worth it.
Last February 27, we had our first part of the “De Universa”: the written examinations. Bro. Erik, our Pakistani classmate (through votes), picked the treatise from which the written examinations will focus. He picked Rational Psychology. Unfortunately for me, during exam day, I was overtaken by fear and panic…I know (even if I still don’t know the results) that I fell short of what I should have been able to accomplish. After I left the examination room, there was nothing but sorrow in my mind. I thought, “if this is what happened to me during the written exams, how worse will it be for the oral exams?!” I panicked some more.
A week before the oral examinations, I resigned myself to concentrate on the preparations (that is, after talking and seeking advice from those who I know I can trust, especially my girlfriend). They’re right, whatever happened in the past remains at the past, and I have to focus on the present. Though there’s still fear in me, I tried to give more time thinking about what to do and how to deal with the situation when the time comes for me to face the panel, present the theses that I picked, and as our prayer goes, present myself “with thoroughness and charm”.
March 6, the day of the oral examinations came. The examinations began with the sad news that one of our classmates decided to withdraw from the exams, the reason of which is personal (and I respect it). Thus, we were left with 4 examinees, in the following order: Bro. Jomar, Bro. Erik, Eric (a diocesan seminarian), and lastly, me. As some of us waited for our turn, Fr. Rey Dela Cruz (the Rector of the Salesian Post-novitiate community), gave us some words of advice, one of which was “It’s not our problem what our grades will be, it will be at the panel’s shoulders whether they’ll make us pass, or retake”. The other was this, as I remember it: “There were three people who thought of the idea of struggle. The first said that ‘I struggled, and I won’. The second said that ‘I struggled, I failed, but I stood up and won’. The last one said that ‘I struggled and I continue to struggle’.” He then asked me, who am I among the three. I said, “the answer would come after I finished my turn for the exams”.
My turn came at last at around 11:00 in the morning. As I picked my theses to present, I was silently praying to God to help me. My prayers were answered that time when I picked Thesis 1 of Cosmology: On the Essence of Quantity, and Thesis 7 of Special Ethics: On the Duties of Man towards God. The presentation came, and though I was not able to answer the entire panel’s questions (consisting of Fr. Mike, SDB, Fr. Joel, SDB and Fr. Paul, SDB) at me after the presentation, I was satisfied enough that I was able to overcome my trauma. Pass or retake, it doesn’t matter…I know that whatever the results may be, I know I was a winner. And after the results came, I was affirmed that I am a winner. I was graded 6.5…Probatus…and that means I passed!
With regards my thesis, I was given the suggestion by Fr. Joel, SDB, to work on the philosopher John Rawls, who just died in 2002. He gave me a chance to explore a whole new experience in the concept of justice, and I am deeply thankful for the opportunity he gave me. As of this moment, I am making the finishing touches (and revisions) to my undergraduate thesis entitled “Justice as Fairness in the Justice Theory of John Rawls”, and hoping that this could help me further to take my steps closer to finishing my tertiary academic life.
With these blessings that I received in my academic life, I cannot help but be thankful. I am now nearer to my dream of graduating this school year…and continue on becoming a better person.
What are my plans after college?
I plan to have my Master’s Degree, and teach…I believe that this is now my calling.
I’ve been studying for the comprehensive examination ever since the start of the school year, however, the things that I’ve studied vanish from my mind after some time. With that situation, I start from the beginning once more. I’ve got seven philosophical treatises to familiarize (if not memorize) myself with (Critics, Metaphysics, Theodicy, Cosmology, Rational Psychology, General and Special Ethics); not counting the philosophy history subjects (Ancient, Medieval, Modern and Contemporary) and the electives (Political and Filipino Philosophy). Honestly, I am not an intellectual student who always got straight A’s or flat 1’s in the transcript…I have good grades with some, if not all, subjects; and that’s the point! Considering also that I am just a transferee student in my present school, I need to make a lot of adjustments. But, with how everything’s looking at this point, I think and believe that everything’s worth it.
Last February 27, we had our first part of the “De Universa”: the written examinations. Bro. Erik, our Pakistani classmate (through votes), picked the treatise from which the written examinations will focus. He picked Rational Psychology. Unfortunately for me, during exam day, I was overtaken by fear and panic…I know (even if I still don’t know the results) that I fell short of what I should have been able to accomplish. After I left the examination room, there was nothing but sorrow in my mind. I thought, “if this is what happened to me during the written exams, how worse will it be for the oral exams?!” I panicked some more.
A week before the oral examinations, I resigned myself to concentrate on the preparations (that is, after talking and seeking advice from those who I know I can trust, especially my girlfriend). They’re right, whatever happened in the past remains at the past, and I have to focus on the present. Though there’s still fear in me, I tried to give more time thinking about what to do and how to deal with the situation when the time comes for me to face the panel, present the theses that I picked, and as our prayer goes, present myself “with thoroughness and charm”.
March 6, the day of the oral examinations came. The examinations began with the sad news that one of our classmates decided to withdraw from the exams, the reason of which is personal (and I respect it). Thus, we were left with 4 examinees, in the following order: Bro. Jomar, Bro. Erik, Eric (a diocesan seminarian), and lastly, me. As some of us waited for our turn, Fr. Rey Dela Cruz (the Rector of the Salesian Post-novitiate community), gave us some words of advice, one of which was “It’s not our problem what our grades will be, it will be at the panel’s shoulders whether they’ll make us pass, or retake”. The other was this, as I remember it: “There were three people who thought of the idea of struggle. The first said that ‘I struggled, and I won’. The second said that ‘I struggled, I failed, but I stood up and won’. The last one said that ‘I struggled and I continue to struggle’.” He then asked me, who am I among the three. I said, “the answer would come after I finished my turn for the exams”.
My turn came at last at around 11:00 in the morning. As I picked my theses to present, I was silently praying to God to help me. My prayers were answered that time when I picked Thesis 1 of Cosmology: On the Essence of Quantity, and Thesis 7 of Special Ethics: On the Duties of Man towards God. The presentation came, and though I was not able to answer the entire panel’s questions (consisting of Fr. Mike, SDB, Fr. Joel, SDB and Fr. Paul, SDB) at me after the presentation, I was satisfied enough that I was able to overcome my trauma. Pass or retake, it doesn’t matter…I know that whatever the results may be, I know I was a winner. And after the results came, I was affirmed that I am a winner. I was graded 6.5…Probatus…and that means I passed!
With regards my thesis, I was given the suggestion by Fr. Joel, SDB, to work on the philosopher John Rawls, who just died in 2002. He gave me a chance to explore a whole new experience in the concept of justice, and I am deeply thankful for the opportunity he gave me. As of this moment, I am making the finishing touches (and revisions) to my undergraduate thesis entitled “Justice as Fairness in the Justice Theory of John Rawls”, and hoping that this could help me further to take my steps closer to finishing my tertiary academic life.
With these blessings that I received in my academic life, I cannot help but be thankful. I am now nearer to my dream of graduating this school year…and continue on becoming a better person.
What are my plans after college?
I plan to have my Master’s Degree, and teach…I believe that this is now my calling.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Sharing for the day (January 30, 2009)
“Back during the time when there were many threats against Don Bosco’s life, Grigio would come to his rescue…”
This was one of the ways on how Fr. Arnold Sanico, SDB described Grigio, the grey wolf that subsequently became the mascot of Don Bosco Schools. Relating one of those many instances in the life of Don Bosco where Grigio intervened, Fr. Arnold narrated this story:
“It was in the year 1852 when Grigio first appeared to Don Bosco. There was a time when there was someone following him; walking slow as he walked slowly, and fast as he went fast. When he turned around, he saw the man carrying a big piece of wood, intending to kill Don Bosco. Don Bosco tried to run, but at a distance, he saw a group of people with the intent of killing him as well. When all hope seems lost, however, Grigio came out of nowhere, and saved Don Bosco’s life. In fear, the people who wanted to kill him begged Don Bosco to send ‘his’ big dog away…he agreed, only with the agreement that they would never come after his life again”
Who was Grigio really, the “asong hindi naman aso”, according to Fr. Arnold?
In all of the instances when Grigio appeared in the life of Don Bosco, he can be seen as a guardian angel.
Fr. Arnold’s message to his talk this morning was “Whenever a man does what God wants, God will never fail to protect him”. It’s just like what Grigio was to Don Bosco, his protection from harm, and his guide when lost.
Don Bosco, in his lifetime, tried and tried with the best of what he can to do the Lord’s will. This was never left unnoticed. He received both sides of the coin with regards the response of the people of his time. Some admired him; while others hated him…hated him so much that they even planned to get rid of him. But what’s more important to see here is that Don Bosco did not do it for the adulation of the people…but for the glory of God. His efforts were not in vain…God came to his rescue in those trying times, and the fruits of his labor are plenty.
As the message of Fr. Arnold came to me, I remembered the last words of a saint in his dying moment. He said, “I have done my part, may Christ teach you to do yours”.
Bosconians, let us examine ourselves…Are we doing God’s will?
Who or what is our Grigio?
Let us pray to the Lord for this day that with the help and inspiration given to us by our founder and friend, St. John Bosco, we may learn to be strong in doing God’s will, and be confident in His unfailing protection over us.
St. John Bosco, pray for us.
This was one of the ways on how Fr. Arnold Sanico, SDB described Grigio, the grey wolf that subsequently became the mascot of Don Bosco Schools. Relating one of those many instances in the life of Don Bosco where Grigio intervened, Fr. Arnold narrated this story:
“It was in the year 1852 when Grigio first appeared to Don Bosco. There was a time when there was someone following him; walking slow as he walked slowly, and fast as he went fast. When he turned around, he saw the man carrying a big piece of wood, intending to kill Don Bosco. Don Bosco tried to run, but at a distance, he saw a group of people with the intent of killing him as well. When all hope seems lost, however, Grigio came out of nowhere, and saved Don Bosco’s life. In fear, the people who wanted to kill him begged Don Bosco to send ‘his’ big dog away…he agreed, only with the agreement that they would never come after his life again”
Who was Grigio really, the “asong hindi naman aso”, according to Fr. Arnold?
In all of the instances when Grigio appeared in the life of Don Bosco, he can be seen as a guardian angel.
Fr. Arnold’s message to his talk this morning was “Whenever a man does what God wants, God will never fail to protect him”. It’s just like what Grigio was to Don Bosco, his protection from harm, and his guide when lost.
Don Bosco, in his lifetime, tried and tried with the best of what he can to do the Lord’s will. This was never left unnoticed. He received both sides of the coin with regards the response of the people of his time. Some admired him; while others hated him…hated him so much that they even planned to get rid of him. But what’s more important to see here is that Don Bosco did not do it for the adulation of the people…but for the glory of God. His efforts were not in vain…God came to his rescue in those trying times, and the fruits of his labor are plenty.
As the message of Fr. Arnold came to me, I remembered the last words of a saint in his dying moment. He said, “I have done my part, may Christ teach you to do yours”.
Bosconians, let us examine ourselves…Are we doing God’s will?
Who or what is our Grigio?
Let us pray to the Lord for this day that with the help and inspiration given to us by our founder and friend, St. John Bosco, we may learn to be strong in doing God’s will, and be confident in His unfailing protection over us.
St. John Bosco, pray for us.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Sharing for the day (January 29, 2009)
“May isang bata na ang gusto ay hanapin ang sikreto sa isang masayang buhay. Isang gabi, nanalangin sa sa Panginoon na ipakita sa kanya ang sagot sa kanyang paghahanap. Nang gabing iyon, nanaginip siya:
Nakita niya ang sarili niya sa isang kagubatan, at sa kagubatang iyon ay nakakita siya ng isang pilay na usa…may sugat sa binti. Takot and usa na baka maabutan siya ng mababangis na hayop, kaya nanalangin ito. Ngunit, pagkatapos ng kanyang panalangin ay may dumating na isang mabangis na lobo. Ngunit nakakamangha ang nakita ng bata…sa halip na kainin ng mabangis na lobo ang usa, nilapitan nya ito at dinilaan ang sugat nito. Dinalhan rin ng lobo ang usa ng pagkain. Nang gumaling na ang usa ay umalis na rin ang lobo.
Sa pagkakataong ito ay nagising na rin ang bata at sinabi niya sa kanyang sarili na para makamit nya ang tunay na masayang buhay, ay kailangan niyang gayahin ang usa…ipapaubaya na lang niya ang sarili niya sa Diyos.
Ngunit makalipas ang ilang araw ay tila hindi pa niya nakakamit ang gusto niyang masayang buhay. Muli siyang nagdasal sa Panginoon, ngunit sa pagkakataong ito ay tila nagrereklamo siya na kung bakit hindi pa niya nakakamit ang masayang buhay. Muli, siya ay nanaginip:
Sa pagkakataong ito, nandoon pa rin siya sa kagubatan, ngunit kasama na niya ang Panginoon. Sinabi ng bata ang kanyang hinaing sa Panginoon kung bakit hindi pa siya nagiging masaya sa kabila ng pagtulad niya sa usa sa kanyang panaginip. Sabi ng Panginoon…”Hindi dapat ang usa ang iyong tinularan, kundi and lobo”.
Yesterday’s reflection talked about happiness of the self. Today, the message was clear: to be the givers and sharers of happiness to other people.
As the institution comes closer to its peak of the celebration, people from other places are crowding in, wanting and hoping to see a change of environment…like a breath of fresh air. Yes, we have prepared exhibits, programs and activities not only for the members of this institution but also for the visitors; but what matters most is that as we experience happiness as a whole, we are able to radiate happiness to each and every one of us…Bosconians or non-Bosconians alike.
Though I am not a Salesian, I was able to see in the lives of the Salesians around me the fulfillment of one of the guidelines of their Order, which is, Joy and Optimism. Much more, that Joy and Optimism that they have are not only kept within them, but shared with the rest of the community here. I firmly attest to that.
Going against the flow, just like the ferocious wolf that reached out and helped the deer back on its feet…can be really seen as happiness. Let us pray to the Lord with the help of St. John Bosco, that we may be always agents and sharers of happiness to one another.
St. John Bosco, pray for us.
Nakita niya ang sarili niya sa isang kagubatan, at sa kagubatang iyon ay nakakita siya ng isang pilay na usa…may sugat sa binti. Takot and usa na baka maabutan siya ng mababangis na hayop, kaya nanalangin ito. Ngunit, pagkatapos ng kanyang panalangin ay may dumating na isang mabangis na lobo. Ngunit nakakamangha ang nakita ng bata…sa halip na kainin ng mabangis na lobo ang usa, nilapitan nya ito at dinilaan ang sugat nito. Dinalhan rin ng lobo ang usa ng pagkain. Nang gumaling na ang usa ay umalis na rin ang lobo.
Sa pagkakataong ito ay nagising na rin ang bata at sinabi niya sa kanyang sarili na para makamit nya ang tunay na masayang buhay, ay kailangan niyang gayahin ang usa…ipapaubaya na lang niya ang sarili niya sa Diyos.
Ngunit makalipas ang ilang araw ay tila hindi pa niya nakakamit ang gusto niyang masayang buhay. Muli siyang nagdasal sa Panginoon, ngunit sa pagkakataong ito ay tila nagrereklamo siya na kung bakit hindi pa niya nakakamit ang masayang buhay. Muli, siya ay nanaginip:
Sa pagkakataong ito, nandoon pa rin siya sa kagubatan, ngunit kasama na niya ang Panginoon. Sinabi ng bata ang kanyang hinaing sa Panginoon kung bakit hindi pa siya nagiging masaya sa kabila ng pagtulad niya sa usa sa kanyang panaginip. Sabi ng Panginoon…”Hindi dapat ang usa ang iyong tinularan, kundi and lobo”.
====
This is the summarized story of what was related to the EPC (Educative Pastoral Community) of Don Bosco Canlubang by Rev. Fr. Rey dela Cruz, SDB, Rector of the Post-Novitiate Seminary. Yesterday’s reflection talked about happiness of the self. Today, the message was clear: to be the givers and sharers of happiness to other people.
As the institution comes closer to its peak of the celebration, people from other places are crowding in, wanting and hoping to see a change of environment…like a breath of fresh air. Yes, we have prepared exhibits, programs and activities not only for the members of this institution but also for the visitors; but what matters most is that as we experience happiness as a whole, we are able to radiate happiness to each and every one of us…Bosconians or non-Bosconians alike.
Though I am not a Salesian, I was able to see in the lives of the Salesians around me the fulfillment of one of the guidelines of their Order, which is, Joy and Optimism. Much more, that Joy and Optimism that they have are not only kept within them, but shared with the rest of the community here. I firmly attest to that.
Going against the flow, just like the ferocious wolf that reached out and helped the deer back on its feet…can be really seen as happiness. Let us pray to the Lord with the help of St. John Bosco, that we may be always agents and sharers of happiness to one another.
St. John Bosco, pray for us.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
sharing for the day (january 28, 2009)
I apologize for not being able to post my sharing for quite some time, I was back home during the weekend, and missed a few days of the novena.
First of all, we are so fortunate to have with us for the next couple of days the Provincial Superior of the Salesians of Don Bosco, Rev. Fr. Eli Cruz, SDB.
In his sharing this morning, after the wreath-laying ceremony, he spoke of many things…things that were timeless, new, or even funny. At this point, allow me to share some bits and pieces of his talk, as well as my personal insights for the day.
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“To know the person, we must go back and see where he/she came from to know and understand the person in context”
To further illustrate this thought, Fr. Eli presented the certain words and from which they came from, like the words “hapunan”, “barkada”, and more. Why was it called hapunan? Because during the early times (when there was still no electricity, and light in the evening comes from the moon, stars and lamps), dinner happens in the late afternoon. Why is it called barkada? Because it came from the word “Banca” or boat, where it shows that barkadas are definitely “in the same boat”.
Fr. Eli began his talk with this to further instill to us that where we come from really matters, much like Don Bosco, whose roots and background gave rise to such a marvelous model, father and saint. Being Bosconians ourselves, we must always be reminded that we live and are taught to be good Christians and caring people. Fr. Eli further commented that he is inspired and touched with people, especially with Bosconians, who are strong in their resolve of following Christ, in one or many ways.
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“The three things that Bosconians love: the Blessed Sacrament, our Holy Mother Mary, and the Pope.”
Fr. Eli mentioned this in line for his main topic in his sharing for this day, which is Don Bosco’s love for the Eucharist. Besides Mama Mary and the Pope, it is worthwhile to remember that Bosconians love the Holy Eucharist.
He then related a story of how Christians in Vietnam, when it was still under the complete dominion of Communism, were able to receive communion; in spite of fear of being severely punished for the faith. He said that during that time, the priest would place the host in bars of soap, and those who know it, comes and receives them.
During this part of his sharing, I remembered that Ms. Bot Bombase, our Student Affairs In-charge for the College Department, gave me a coin with the image of Don Bosco. In its back, there inscribed the following words, and I share the same prayer: “O Saint John Bosco, teach us to love Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament”.
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“…It all depends on whose hands it is in…”
Fr. Eli gave a wonderful analogy for this part of the talk, with which I quote:
“In my hands, a basketball is worth 800 pesos…In the hands of Michael Jordan, a basketball is worth 800,000,000 pesos…it all depends on whose hands it is in…
In my hands, a stick would be nothing but a stick…In the hands of Moses, a stick divided the sea, and helped saved people from slavery and oppression… it all depends on whose hands it is in…
In my hands, a slingshot would be nothing but a toy…in the hands of David, a slingshot helped to defeat Goliath… it all depends on whose hands it is in…
In my hands, a bread would just be a bread…In the hands of Christ, a bread would feed thousands… it all depends on whose hands it is in…
In my hands, a nail would be used by a carpenter to make and fix things…In Christ’s hands (and feet as well, for this matter), a nail becomes a symbol of our salvation… it all depends on whose hands it is in…”
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“Who are you listening to?”
Again, Fr. Eli made a timely analogy with this part of his talk, with which again I quote:
Garfield… “I hate Mondays”
Gaara (of Naruto)…”I only love myself and I live only for myself…”
Winnie the Pooh…”It is so hard to be brave, especially if you are only a small animal”
The question is…who are you listening to?
With the many things that are thought and said in this present era of ours, we can’t help but be confused on what to do, what to hear, what to understand, and even what to believe. With this kind of situation that we’re in, what then should we do?
Psalm 118:8, which Fr. Eli mentioned in his talk, gives a clear answer to this: “It is better to trust in the Lord than to trust in men”…
===
For the remaining days of the novena and the celebration for the feast day of Saint John Bosco, please join me in prayer that with the help of our model and founder, we may…
Understand the present with the help of the past…
Love and devote ourselves to the Blessed Sacrament…
Give ourselves to God’s hands to be guided and protected…
Listen and live as faithful, moral and loving Christians…moreover, Bosconians.
Saint John Bosco. Pray for us.
First of all, we are so fortunate to have with us for the next couple of days the Provincial Superior of the Salesians of Don Bosco, Rev. Fr. Eli Cruz, SDB.
In his sharing this morning, after the wreath-laying ceremony, he spoke of many things…things that were timeless, new, or even funny. At this point, allow me to share some bits and pieces of his talk, as well as my personal insights for the day.
===
“To know the person, we must go back and see where he/she came from to know and understand the person in context”
To further illustrate this thought, Fr. Eli presented the certain words and from which they came from, like the words “hapunan”, “barkada”, and more. Why was it called hapunan? Because during the early times (when there was still no electricity, and light in the evening comes from the moon, stars and lamps), dinner happens in the late afternoon. Why is it called barkada? Because it came from the word “Banca” or boat, where it shows that barkadas are definitely “in the same boat”.
Fr. Eli began his talk with this to further instill to us that where we come from really matters, much like Don Bosco, whose roots and background gave rise to such a marvelous model, father and saint. Being Bosconians ourselves, we must always be reminded that we live and are taught to be good Christians and caring people. Fr. Eli further commented that he is inspired and touched with people, especially with Bosconians, who are strong in their resolve of following Christ, in one or many ways.
===
“The three things that Bosconians love: the Blessed Sacrament, our Holy Mother Mary, and the Pope.”
Fr. Eli mentioned this in line for his main topic in his sharing for this day, which is Don Bosco’s love for the Eucharist. Besides Mama Mary and the Pope, it is worthwhile to remember that Bosconians love the Holy Eucharist.
He then related a story of how Christians in Vietnam, when it was still under the complete dominion of Communism, were able to receive communion; in spite of fear of being severely punished for the faith. He said that during that time, the priest would place the host in bars of soap, and those who know it, comes and receives them.
During this part of his sharing, I remembered that Ms. Bot Bombase, our Student Affairs In-charge for the College Department, gave me a coin with the image of Don Bosco. In its back, there inscribed the following words, and I share the same prayer: “O Saint John Bosco, teach us to love Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament”.
===
“…It all depends on whose hands it is in…”
Fr. Eli gave a wonderful analogy for this part of the talk, with which I quote:
“In my hands, a basketball is worth 800 pesos…In the hands of Michael Jordan, a basketball is worth 800,000,000 pesos…it all depends on whose hands it is in…
In my hands, a stick would be nothing but a stick…In the hands of Moses, a stick divided the sea, and helped saved people from slavery and oppression… it all depends on whose hands it is in…
In my hands, a slingshot would be nothing but a toy…in the hands of David, a slingshot helped to defeat Goliath… it all depends on whose hands it is in…
In my hands, a bread would just be a bread…In the hands of Christ, a bread would feed thousands… it all depends on whose hands it is in…
In my hands, a nail would be used by a carpenter to make and fix things…In Christ’s hands (and feet as well, for this matter), a nail becomes a symbol of our salvation… it all depends on whose hands it is in…”
===
“Who are you listening to?”
Again, Fr. Eli made a timely analogy with this part of his talk, with which again I quote:
Garfield… “I hate Mondays”
Gaara (of Naruto)…”I only love myself and I live only for myself…”
Winnie the Pooh…”It is so hard to be brave, especially if you are only a small animal”
The question is…who are you listening to?
With the many things that are thought and said in this present era of ours, we can’t help but be confused on what to do, what to hear, what to understand, and even what to believe. With this kind of situation that we’re in, what then should we do?
Psalm 118:8, which Fr. Eli mentioned in his talk, gives a clear answer to this: “It is better to trust in the Lord than to trust in men”…
===
For the remaining days of the novena and the celebration for the feast day of Saint John Bosco, please join me in prayer that with the help of our model and founder, we may…
Understand the present with the help of the past…
Love and devote ourselves to the Blessed Sacrament…
Give ourselves to God’s hands to be guided and protected…
Listen and live as faithful, moral and loving Christians…moreover, Bosconians.
Saint John Bosco. Pray for us.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
at the edge...
People I know come to me when they have problems, hoping that with me, they’ll find answers…or even ways to find it…
But I have no one to go to when I’m the one in need…
Some people think I’m strong…you’re wrong, I’m weak…much more, I’m dying
I’m rejected, forgotten, unwanted and taken for granted…
I’m doing everything I can to deserve even a little, but even that little is taken away from me…
No one understands me, or even what I’m going through…
I'm important to others when I am of any use...
Maybe I deserve this…
My mind’s giving up, I don’t know until when I can hold on…if I know where to
But I have no one to go to when I’m the one in need…
Some people think I’m strong…you’re wrong, I’m weak…much more, I’m dying
I’m rejected, forgotten, unwanted and taken for granted…
I’m doing everything I can to deserve even a little, but even that little is taken away from me…
No one understands me, or even what I’m going through…
I'm important to others when I am of any use...
Maybe I deserve this…
My mind’s giving up, I don’t know until when I can hold on…if I know where to
Friday, January 23, 2009
sharing for the day (january 23, 2009): 2nd day of the novena to St. John Bosco
“Taga bundok sya, Bundok Makiling. Dating estudyante dito, at dati ring nagtitinda sa canteen…
Ngayon, nandito pa rin sya, at na-promote: nakatambay na siya sa third floor…”
Those were just some descriptions that Bro. Jomar Castillo (a post novitiate brother and a classmate of mine) made to tell a little story, and impart some inspiring thought to the college students and the lay mission partners of Don Bosco College this afternoon, the second day of the novena to Saint John Bosco.
Bro. Jomar was talking about Kuya Elmer, our very industrious and simple technical assistant for the college department. He recounted his early years in this institution, on how he met Kuya Elmer, and on how he came to idolize him; being as simple and as unassuming as he is.
====
He then made a simple recollection on how he struggled during his senior year in college, still here in Don Bosco, during the time that he was doing his thesis. At those trying times, he was consoled by his adviser, Ma’am Lyn Tamayo (our former college guidance counselor), who told him: “Kung saan mahirap, dun ka!”
====
He then recounted some experiences of St. John Bosco wherein he encountered problems and hardships, like going to school far away from home when he was still a kid; and others like the things he had to deal with when he established the Oratory and the Society of Salesians of Don Bosco.
====
What’s the connection between his three sharings?
“Fire-tried Gold”… is the theme for this year’s Foundation Week celebration, marking the 46th year of the presence of Don Bosco here in Canlubang.
Bro. Jomar stated that like the theme, Don Bosco, Kuya Elmer, and even he, were made stronger by continuous hardships. Truly, hardships and problems are a constant companion of anyone…it’s inevitable. However, when we come to face these hardships, we grow stronger…and wiser in the process.
There may be a lot of trials, problems and hardships that all of us are experiencing. But with the courage to face these can make us all the more prepared for all that would still happen in our lives. Could it be problems at home work, school, or even with everything in life itself…“don’t falter, stand up, count on our Lord’s guidance and help, and choose to win over whatever life would throw at us to bring us down.”
St. John Bosco…pray for us.
Ngayon, nandito pa rin sya, at na-promote: nakatambay na siya sa third floor…”
Those were just some descriptions that Bro. Jomar Castillo (a post novitiate brother and a classmate of mine) made to tell a little story, and impart some inspiring thought to the college students and the lay mission partners of Don Bosco College this afternoon, the second day of the novena to Saint John Bosco.
Bro. Jomar was talking about Kuya Elmer, our very industrious and simple technical assistant for the college department. He recounted his early years in this institution, on how he met Kuya Elmer, and on how he came to idolize him; being as simple and as unassuming as he is.
====
He then made a simple recollection on how he struggled during his senior year in college, still here in Don Bosco, during the time that he was doing his thesis. At those trying times, he was consoled by his adviser, Ma’am Lyn Tamayo (our former college guidance counselor), who told him: “Kung saan mahirap, dun ka!”
====
He then recounted some experiences of St. John Bosco wherein he encountered problems and hardships, like going to school far away from home when he was still a kid; and others like the things he had to deal with when he established the Oratory and the Society of Salesians of Don Bosco.
====
What’s the connection between his three sharings?
“Fire-tried Gold”… is the theme for this year’s Foundation Week celebration, marking the 46th year of the presence of Don Bosco here in Canlubang.
Bro. Jomar stated that like the theme, Don Bosco, Kuya Elmer, and even he, were made stronger by continuous hardships. Truly, hardships and problems are a constant companion of anyone…it’s inevitable. However, when we come to face these hardships, we grow stronger…and wiser in the process.
There may be a lot of trials, problems and hardships that all of us are experiencing. But with the courage to face these can make us all the more prepared for all that would still happen in our lives. Could it be problems at home work, school, or even with everything in life itself…“don’t falter, stand up, count on our Lord’s guidance and help, and choose to win over whatever life would throw at us to bring us down.”
St. John Bosco…pray for us.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
quote for the day (january 22,2009)
when i joined the rest of the college department for the novena to st. john bosco just this afternoon, fr. mon borja, sdb (our administrator) gave us a little joke, but with a great deal of sense and wisdom:
"ano ang isang bagay na kahit anong hilod o kahit anong ligo, eh hindi man lang matanggal?...
...e di LIBAG!"
he then continued:
"alam nyo, pag nakikita ko si Don Bosco, para syang libag."
the college students inside the chapel burst into laughter, but fr. mon continued his talk, explaining:
"di ba, yung libag, laging nandyan sa katawan natin, much like Don Bosco. kahit anong gawin natin na tanggalin sa sistema natin si Don Bosco, o kaya ang pagiging Bosconian natin, hinding-hindi na ito mangyayari."
he asked at the end of his short talk:
"are we not glad to have Don Bosco in our lives?"
for me, i say...I AM PROUD TO BE BOSCONIAN, AND I AM PROUD TO HAVE DON BOSCO IN MY LIFE!
"ano ang isang bagay na kahit anong hilod o kahit anong ligo, eh hindi man lang matanggal?...
...e di LIBAG!"
he then continued:
"alam nyo, pag nakikita ko si Don Bosco, para syang libag."
the college students inside the chapel burst into laughter, but fr. mon continued his talk, explaining:
"di ba, yung libag, laging nandyan sa katawan natin, much like Don Bosco. kahit anong gawin natin na tanggalin sa sistema natin si Don Bosco, o kaya ang pagiging Bosconian natin, hinding-hindi na ito mangyayari."
he asked at the end of his short talk:
"are we not glad to have Don Bosco in our lives?"
for me, i say...I AM PROUD TO BE BOSCONIAN, AND I AM PROUD TO HAVE DON BOSCO IN MY LIFE!
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
every once in a while, i need to clear up my mind...
Sometimes, I think that I should post intellectual or philosophical writings when I write; given the nature of my academic studies as of present. Other times, I would like to dwell on my emotions and just have my feelings poured through when I write (or type, in this manner).
Whatever the case may be, please allow me at this time to just type away whatever I feel I need to say.
=====
A few days has passed since the New Year started. The past year has generally been good to me; though I cannot doubt the fact that there were some things that happened that had never been good to me in any way.
There had been two times that my girlfriend asked for a break-up; one at August and another the following month. As I can recall, it was me who really caused it. But gladly, things went well…we’re still together. I sure learned a lot since then. But then again, I asked myself, “Does it have to happen for me to learn so much about what should be and what should not be in my relationship?”
=====
Before the year ended, I said goodbye to two friends who I really held dear to me. Deep inside me, I really tried to hold on to the fact that I have to fight for the friendship that we shared; no matter the distance between us, or even the time that passed. Then I realized, maybe it’s time for me to let go, and move on; just like what they did. That was never an easy decision for me to make, but I had to.
“Was it so wrong to look forward to promises made? Was it wrong for me to feel sad and disappointed when those promises were not brought to fruition?”
I’ve always said to people who come to me that “whatever relationship shared between people might be successful or a failure. Its success and failure would not be attributed or blamed to just one, but on all those who shared that relationship”. With that in mind, with the friends I’ve lost the past year, I am partly to be blamed. I concur.
“How many more should I let go?”
=====
I am slowly burning out. My studies are one thing, but really, what happens back home is taking so much from me. I have no problems with my parents; I really love and appreciate having them with me; supporting and encouraging me for all the things that I do and will do. Their positive attitude and outlook in life is what keeps me going on, especially in trying times that come my way. I have no problems with my elder siblings too, with my sister and brother responsibly doing their part to help around the house and being really dedicated to their respective work, I am only thankful. Also, I am deeply grateful with my older brother for being the one who supports me financially, week after week, as I go through the rest of my college stay. (My mom’s taking care of my board and lodging expenses, while my brother’s taking care of my allowance). Actually, my older brother and I are not exactly close to each other, and I can remember those times that we don’t even talk to each other when I come home from back where I studied before.
My pressing problem at present is our youngest. Somehow, I know that there’s a huge gap between us. Yes, there’s an 8-year gap in our age, and I rarely see him when I go home every week. With what I am hearing from the rest of the family, I can’t help but get irritated, sometimes get mad, with my youngest brother. Oftentimes, I end up reminding or scolding him, but then after that, I try to explain myself to him with why I acted like that. Yet, each time that happens, whatever he has been doing in the past grows more, in a negative way.
There are times that my parents scold me for treating my youngest brother harshly, if that is the real way to describe it. They say that I should understand that he’s going through that stage of discernment and exploration of self (in a psychological point-of-view). But what he’s doing, as I can it, is too much. If I am allowed to justify my actions, it is because I am more aware of the repercussions of his actions, and much more, because I am concerned with the welfare and dignity of my family.
I may be overreacting, but step in my shoes; you’ll see what I mean.
=====
Before the year ended, we were somehow scolded by our professor for not being able to live up to the challenge for the coming De Universa Comprehensive Examinations. Somehow, it dawned to me that he’s definitely right, maybe I’m not prepared. However, that’s my present predicament. There’s still time. I can do it. I can still do my best.
I believe that real failure and the real sense of not living up to the challenge comes when I give up.
=====
Maybe, with all of these said, I’ve cleared some space in my mind.
I can now continue what I need to do.
Whatever the case may be, please allow me at this time to just type away whatever I feel I need to say.
=====
A few days has passed since the New Year started. The past year has generally been good to me; though I cannot doubt the fact that there were some things that happened that had never been good to me in any way.
There had been two times that my girlfriend asked for a break-up; one at August and another the following month. As I can recall, it was me who really caused it. But gladly, things went well…we’re still together. I sure learned a lot since then. But then again, I asked myself, “Does it have to happen for me to learn so much about what should be and what should not be in my relationship?”
=====
Before the year ended, I said goodbye to two friends who I really held dear to me. Deep inside me, I really tried to hold on to the fact that I have to fight for the friendship that we shared; no matter the distance between us, or even the time that passed. Then I realized, maybe it’s time for me to let go, and move on; just like what they did. That was never an easy decision for me to make, but I had to.
“Was it so wrong to look forward to promises made? Was it wrong for me to feel sad and disappointed when those promises were not brought to fruition?”
I’ve always said to people who come to me that “whatever relationship shared between people might be successful or a failure. Its success and failure would not be attributed or blamed to just one, but on all those who shared that relationship”. With that in mind, with the friends I’ve lost the past year, I am partly to be blamed. I concur.
“How many more should I let go?”
=====
I am slowly burning out. My studies are one thing, but really, what happens back home is taking so much from me. I have no problems with my parents; I really love and appreciate having them with me; supporting and encouraging me for all the things that I do and will do. Their positive attitude and outlook in life is what keeps me going on, especially in trying times that come my way. I have no problems with my elder siblings too, with my sister and brother responsibly doing their part to help around the house and being really dedicated to their respective work, I am only thankful. Also, I am deeply grateful with my older brother for being the one who supports me financially, week after week, as I go through the rest of my college stay. (My mom’s taking care of my board and lodging expenses, while my brother’s taking care of my allowance). Actually, my older brother and I are not exactly close to each other, and I can remember those times that we don’t even talk to each other when I come home from back where I studied before.
My pressing problem at present is our youngest. Somehow, I know that there’s a huge gap between us. Yes, there’s an 8-year gap in our age, and I rarely see him when I go home every week. With what I am hearing from the rest of the family, I can’t help but get irritated, sometimes get mad, with my youngest brother. Oftentimes, I end up reminding or scolding him, but then after that, I try to explain myself to him with why I acted like that. Yet, each time that happens, whatever he has been doing in the past grows more, in a negative way.
There are times that my parents scold me for treating my youngest brother harshly, if that is the real way to describe it. They say that I should understand that he’s going through that stage of discernment and exploration of self (in a psychological point-of-view). But what he’s doing, as I can it, is too much. If I am allowed to justify my actions, it is because I am more aware of the repercussions of his actions, and much more, because I am concerned with the welfare and dignity of my family.
I may be overreacting, but step in my shoes; you’ll see what I mean.
=====
Before the year ended, we were somehow scolded by our professor for not being able to live up to the challenge for the coming De Universa Comprehensive Examinations. Somehow, it dawned to me that he’s definitely right, maybe I’m not prepared. However, that’s my present predicament. There’s still time. I can do it. I can still do my best.
I believe that real failure and the real sense of not living up to the challenge comes when I give up.
=====
Maybe, with all of these said, I’ve cleared some space in my mind.
I can now continue what I need to do.
Monday, December 01, 2008
I can be autocritical at times…I’m aware, don’t worry
“If it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing right.
If it’s not worth doing right, it’s not worth doing at all.
If it can’t be done right, do something else you can do right instead.”
I encountered this maxim from my mother’s Executive Digest way back the 1980’s, displayed in our ancestral home in Laguna. I believe it’s a lesson against mediocrity and the lax attitude of people, and that includes me.
I need not to dwell so much with this, it speaks for itself.
Whatever the interpretation I have of it can be different from others, from time to time, and depending on the circumstance.
This blog’s kind of short…
What should I do, go on with something that says what it really means right in front of my face?
I’d better do more things that I can do right, right?
If it’s not worth doing right, it’s not worth doing at all.
If it can’t be done right, do something else you can do right instead.”
-Anonymous
I encountered this maxim from my mother’s Executive Digest way back the 1980’s, displayed in our ancestral home in Laguna. I believe it’s a lesson against mediocrity and the lax attitude of people, and that includes me.
I need not to dwell so much with this, it speaks for itself.
Whatever the interpretation I have of it can be different from others, from time to time, and depending on the circumstance.
This blog’s kind of short…
What should I do, go on with something that says what it really means right in front of my face?
I’d better do more things that I can do right, right?
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Without the Sword’s Slash
“You don’t have to carry the burden by yourself
Let your friends take some of your pain, and the resolve that goes with it!
Did you ever think about how everyone around you felt while you tried to carry everything on your own?
I know someone who didn’t like to rely on others, just like you
In the end, he was weaker than everyone else!”
These lines were taken from the Bleach Movie 2: The Diamond Dust Rebellion. I can somehow relate to these lines spoken by Substitute Shinigami (Death God) Kurosaki Ichigo to 10th Squad Shinigami Captain Hitsugaya Toushirou, who seemed to have abandoned his squad to move through his personal agenda (watch the movie and you’ll see).
With that aside, I can be seen as both the person speaking those lines and the person spoken to with it. There are times when I want to tell people, especially those close to me, to share with me their pains, sufferings or anything negative; as well as anything contrary to it. However, that being something wanted remains at it is, and never reached fruition. I must also consider the fact that letting the person do as he/she wishes is the best thing to do in certain situations.
I have friends, but I can say that they (or even me, honestly) changed. Some went through their lives…on a different pace, on a different path…a path where I am not a part of. I can say that I did the same. Sometimes I realize that the best for me is to think about people who had been parts of my past remain as such, and that was a lesson taught to me by someone.
But for those who are still there (either physically or in thought), especially those who I still have the chance to talk to, listen to, and be with, I try my best to let them know that I am still here; whatever the circumstances may be. Moreover, I let them know that I am not only here, but that they can always come to me whenever they want to, or whatever they wish to let me be a part of. I am a barkada to some, an acquaintance to others, and an older brother to many.
For those times that I was somehow the one spoken to with those li`nes, I can remember that I felt that I am better off without others; that I can do everything on my own. I thought I can face my own problems, deal with my own downfalls and sufferings and just be happy by myself whenever something good comes along. I was wrong, and I realized it when I met my girlfriend. I can remember sometime in the past when she told me that I was strong in a world where only I live; and when I am already out of it, I am the weakest person. Then I realized that though there may be times that people may seem to be more of a burden than a help to me, them being there could mean so much after all.
With all of these said, I realized that I can never be the person that I am now without those people that I had shared my life with, and had shared their lives with me. Whatever the chances, places, people, times and even experiences that I was opened up to…made me the person I was, makes me the person that I am now, and will make me the person that I’ll be.
Let your friends take some of your pain, and the resolve that goes with it!
Did you ever think about how everyone around you felt while you tried to carry everything on your own?
I know someone who didn’t like to rely on others, just like you
In the end, he was weaker than everyone else!”
These lines were taken from the Bleach Movie 2: The Diamond Dust Rebellion. I can somehow relate to these lines spoken by Substitute Shinigami (Death God) Kurosaki Ichigo to 10th Squad Shinigami Captain Hitsugaya Toushirou, who seemed to have abandoned his squad to move through his personal agenda (watch the movie and you’ll see).
With that aside, I can be seen as both the person speaking those lines and the person spoken to with it. There are times when I want to tell people, especially those close to me, to share with me their pains, sufferings or anything negative; as well as anything contrary to it. However, that being something wanted remains at it is, and never reached fruition. I must also consider the fact that letting the person do as he/she wishes is the best thing to do in certain situations.
I have friends, but I can say that they (or even me, honestly) changed. Some went through their lives…on a different pace, on a different path…a path where I am not a part of. I can say that I did the same. Sometimes I realize that the best for me is to think about people who had been parts of my past remain as such, and that was a lesson taught to me by someone.
But for those who are still there (either physically or in thought), especially those who I still have the chance to talk to, listen to, and be with, I try my best to let them know that I am still here; whatever the circumstances may be. Moreover, I let them know that I am not only here, but that they can always come to me whenever they want to, or whatever they wish to let me be a part of. I am a barkada to some, an acquaintance to others, and an older brother to many.
For those times that I was somehow the one spoken to with those li`nes, I can remember that I felt that I am better off without others; that I can do everything on my own. I thought I can face my own problems, deal with my own downfalls and sufferings and just be happy by myself whenever something good comes along. I was wrong, and I realized it when I met my girlfriend. I can remember sometime in the past when she told me that I was strong in a world where only I live; and when I am already out of it, I am the weakest person. Then I realized that though there may be times that people may seem to be more of a burden than a help to me, them being there could mean so much after all.
With all of these said, I realized that I can never be the person that I am now without those people that I had shared my life with, and had shared their lives with me. Whatever the chances, places, people, times and even experiences that I was opened up to…made me the person I was, makes me the person that I am now, and will make me the person that I’ll be.
Monday, October 27, 2008
negativity
It has been months since I posted something in this blog. One or more reasons would never be made as an excuse on why it happened, period.
Just a few updates on what happened to me during my “digital/blog” absence…
Since my last post (August), I had encountered one hurdle after another, and one particular hurdle that I am had was the moment my girlfriend broke up with me. Yah, we’re back to each other as of the moment, but that doesn’t erase the fact that it happened. Moreover, it left us both with wounds to heal, as well as lessons to learn.
Sometimes, I just can’t understand myself. Why do I still have to suffer a lot for me to learn? Why do I have to experience being slammed in the face with the unbridled truth just to realize that I am wrong? Why can’t I accept things at the very moment they’re given to me? With the attitude that I have right now, I have doubts if I am worthy of what is given me…
I’ve made wrong choices and decisions in my life, and these not only affect me, but others as well. What I always resent with myself if that when these things happen, others suffer; if not with me, because of me. Maybe I am just being punished for everything that I did wrong, with myself and with others.
Whatever consequences I have to face because of my stupidity and ignorance, I have to face. Yah, even if I don’t want it. Maybe, I just don’t learn from what it seems like a “broken record”…
Saturday, August 02, 2008
...
do what you're supposed to do,
don't just brag about it
and by the way...
the next time that i would not be given justice
is the last time...
you know what i mean
don't just brag about it
and by the way...
the next time that i would not be given justice
is the last time...
you know what i mean
Sunday, July 27, 2008
After the Storm…
From that misunderstanding that my girlfriend and I had, I was able to realize a lot of things:
- There is still a lot to learn from one another. Though we are already a year and a couple of months together now, there is still a lot to learn. There are still a lot of misunderstandings to face, conflicts to solve, and differences to be aware of. I admit that I thought I already know my girlfriend fully, so much so that I most of the time try to predict what she’s thinking, and then end up wrong. With that, we end up having little quarrels, which then turn into bigger ones…which then deal more damage to our relationship.
- There has to be room for understanding, especially coming from me. I am guilty of trying to rationalize anything and everything, so much so that I do not believe in anything happening having no reason at all. Sometimes, I think I just have to believe in her more, more than I used to. I also have to understand that both she and I have a lot of difference at this point in time, especially when academics is the topic. I have to understand that she needs more time now with everything’s she’s doing at school, even though that would mean that our time together would be sacrificed. If until now, I would not be able to understand and accept that, then maybe there is really something big and wrong about me.
- There has to be more acceptances of circumstances, also especially coming from me. I have to accept the fact that we are not the same, and I have to deal with that difference. Why does it have to come to this that I came to realize that our relationship is more of dynamic (changing) than static (status quo)? That dynamicity of our relationship, if not steered well, may turn into something disastrous, for us (like what almost happened with us now). I need to understand, more than knowing, that the fact that we’re different and that our relationship’s changing, that I need to get out of my shell and be more accepting of everything that would come in our way. if I cannot do that, then there’s got to be something really wrong about me.
- I have to quit being a wisecrack and over-acting in the circumstances where I am not needed to be as such. Just last night, after we had another quarrel, I asked myself “Why is it so hard for me to accept things as it is?” She told me the reasons why she was unable to connect or contact me last Wednesday, but I realized that it is me who found it so hard to just accept (then over-react) to what she said. It’s not that I did not believe her, but it’s just that I saw that there was a chance to do it, but it wasn’t done. She was looking at more important things, and this has to happen just for me to understand that. I feel sorry for myself. Much more, I am in constant asking for apology with my girlfriend.
Baby, I am really sorry.
By this moment, we’re now okay…We sure hope and pray it would always stay this way.
Being Proud, and Being Sorry
Just last Wednesday (July 23), my girlfriend was able to receive an award from her school. She ranked #1 Dean’s Lister in her batch and #5 in the whole school.
All that I can say is with that: I am so proud of her.
She told me how people from her school congratulated her and even cheered for her during the ceremonies. It was just too bad that I wasn’t there, nor I was able to greet her personally after that. She became too busy after the ceremonies that she was not able to have the time to tell me what happened. Her migraine towards the afternoon also came in the wrong time. This caused quite a big misunderstanding between us; big in the sense that we were not in good terms for more than two days. It was my fault actually, and I admit it.
Baby…I am sorry. I am really sorry.
After a Long Time
When was the last time that I had the chance to sit down by myself and think?
Why is it that when I am already relatively free from my academic responsibilities that I have the least time to stop and have some time to be aware of what’s happening around me, and moreover, within me?
Is it because that I am making myself available to others more than I give myself my availability?
Is it because that I am just being lazy, knowing that I have more time to give myself some slacking off?
Maybe I am just taking a rest. For quite some time, I am so concerned of others around me that I end up almost without any time for myself. I find it hard within me to give myself, or what I can do, to someone in need. Sometimes I end up asking, “is it because I had enough of the feeling of being rejected, that I wish not to be the subject inflicting or the object inflicted with it?” or “is it just because I choose to do it, since I do not have much to do?”
But honestly speaking, I feel that there are people who just take advantage of my present condition. Sometimes, it just can’t be helped. Though I know the difference of doing something voluntarily and being asked/forced to do something, I sometimes end up being a “forced volunteer”. How? Live my life…you’ll see.
This is just describing how I feel. I am not complaining.
Saturday, July 12, 2008
random thoughts...
I saw you, and I am definitely sure you saw me.
I tried to connect to you, but I was taken aback by your cold stare.
I never walked away from you, much more leave you.
I never left you.
But maybe my absence makes you feel left behind.
I’m sorry, but please understand…I tried…
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I understand that it is wise at some time that you’ll be praised by what you do.
Just take into mind that maybe…I say maybe,
That you’ll serve for the sake of it alone.
Just like them.
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I learned from Confucius that one must do what he is supposed to do.
If a carpenter, do carpentry.
If a teacher, teach.
If a doctor, heal the sick.
Though this does not stop one from doing other things,
Doing other things is far different than hoarding them all,
Even those not one is supposed to do.
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I have been disillusioned with the fact that we can never be what we used to be.
After seeing you and being with you for a while,
I’ve been struck with that sad fact.
Can we be better? Or just let ourselves fall to ruin?
I thought making you do things on your own would make you happy, making you find your own life…since you’re growing
But when I’m trying to come back, why push me away?
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