Lost and Time

I lost them…

People…I mean.

They’re not just ordinary people, but they’re my friends.

I am not sure why or how, but knowing this won’t make them come back.

Maybe, that is just what it must be

They can live their lives without me, maybe its time for me to do the same…

Farewell…

Time…

Everything will reveal itself in time…I’m sure of that.

assorted stuffs...

Being Busy…

Over the past weeks, I have been into different events and happenings, either here in school (where I’m writing this blogpost) and even back at home. But looking at things, I feel that I am much more active, but on the expense of being drained, here in school.

Seen either positively or negatively, I am still working as the VP-Internal for the College Department Student Council. Though I confess that I am not the same person working the past year, I still do my duties and responsibilities whenever I have the chance to. Also, I give time and adjust my schedules for such. I am not such when the next election would be, but I am sure I will be full of mixed feelings when that time comes.

One of the reasons why the SC Elections is still held up is because we are still revising the SC Constitution for the College Dept. Although there had already been an existing constitution before, it needs to be revised and reorganized to fit into the environment given here at school. Also, I am working on a graphic representation of the chain of authority for the SC, from the main line Council down to the particulars. Though this may be finished in such a short time, the presence of my academics (as well as with others’ schedules…I am not the only one working on it, k?), we are still unable to complete this job. But, somehow, we take pride in the fact that we’re moving.

Although I relieved myself of my responsibilities from the youth ministry back home, as well as my membership for the Singles group I have in Cubao, I still have some work back at home. You see, I am helping my mom in her homeworks and projects in her special classes in Ateneo (she decided to take a special course there). That is the reason why I make all my requirements, both for SC and academic, at school. That is sometimes why I feel, together with my 19 units here at school, I still have 15 more…hahaha! But I feel good about it…being busy rather than being lax. At least I know what my actions lead to.

Just last week, August 15-16 to be exact, the school hosted the 5^th Don Bosco Schools’ Student Leaders’ Assembly. We in the Student Council were tasked to organize the event, and sure it was tough. We were making ourselves really busy for the event and when the day came, there were a lot of last-minute changes that brought us into near panic. Among them was the number of participants, which from the original 300+, came to only 250 something; due to the inability of DB-Mandaluyong to come, primarily because of the typhoon. We were on the verge of giving up when the other schools showed up. The events went on smoothly, despite the heavy rains which crippled some of our plans. At the end of the first day’s activity, I was already drained, but still there are a lot of things to do…and I, as well as the rest of the college organizers, were awoke in the full two days of the event. Talk about having big eyebags!

With all of these that happened, and with all of the things coming my way, it was just a blessing that classes were suspended last Friday as well, and Monday was declared a holiday. I needed a break..and was given it. Whew!

Sometimes…I Just Can’t Understand

I actually admire people who subject their decisions into consideration…however, being irresolute is too much!

Have you ever encountered someone who is like this? I do. And it isn’t easy. Sometimes, you’re being dragged into it.

But, come to think of it, isn’t it hard to let go of something special, even if it hurts a lot?

Just asking.

Thoughts from Classes

Spirituality 101

In one of my classes in Theodicy, with regards to God’s Immensity, one of the metaphysical perfections God has, a common mistake was corrected with regards to some mistakes done in invocation to prayer. Honestly, even I am sometimes a prey for this mistake.

It is wrong to say that: “Let us put ourselves in the presence of the Lord”….

Why?

Why still ask for the presence of the Lord if He is already present? Let us remember, including myself, that God is so immense, that He contains everything; but is not contained in anything. He is ever-present in His creatures, whether size or location is being talked about.

Therefore, let us then say:”Let us always remember that we are in the Most Loving Presence of the Lord”…

Immutability vs. Creation and Incarnation

This is one, I am afraid of those questions in Theodicy that I, as well shared by my classmates, have a really hard time answering. Okay, we already answered the relation and question of the Immutability of God with regards to Creation. But how about Incarnation?

Before going to that, though, what is Immutability? It is a metaphysical perfection that belongs to God which radically denies any change whatsoever. And since God is immutable, He is only pure Actuality, without any potentiality, or change, whatsoever.

What was the answer with regards to Immutability vs. Creation? Let me take note that it was not I who gave the answer, nor even an idea leading towards the answer during our class last Monday. The answer goes somehow like this: God did not change, but the change is only attributed to Him by the human intellect. That is only extrinsic change. It did not affect His being, thus, he did not change altogether.

But the question now is, how about the mystery of the Incarnation? In this matter, God already had a change of being, from God to man, as justified by: “And the Word became flesh…”

I’ll post the answer when I have the chance to know…

Name, Claim, Tame, Aim Feelings

The thought is simple: Name your feelings, claim what you named…tame it, and aim it at something useful…

Simply said…really hard to do.

Not having the perfect one, but the right one…

“I can not have anything that’s perfect, that I know…

But that doesn’t deprive me of having the right one”

Though man has different perceptions what they conceive as “perfect”, the fulfillment of the word is never met. We thus only conceive of things that are beyond one’s satisfaction as perfect. In whatever phase or place we look into, there’s nothing perfect that is within our reach, well, except one.

All this time of my conscious life, I looked mostly on real things. I tried to be optimistic most of the time but it bites; and hurts a lot. I tried to be pessimistic at one point, yet it doesn’t fit me for the fact that there are still good things that happen in my life; even I cannot contest that. Thus, I places myself in the middle, not too much of either extremes. I am looking at the real deal now.

My premise at the beginning is somehow my realization over some things that transpired or came in my life, such as that of life, family, friends, vocation, affiliation, relationship and so much more.

I know…

I don’t have the perfect life, but what I am living right now is meant for me, thus I feel that somehow, this is the right life for me as a whole.

I don’t have the perfect family or relatives, but I have, as I believe, the right one…

I don’t have the perfect set of friends, but they are the right ones for me. Without them, would I be this way?

I don’t have the perfect calling. I fell and failed. But my present vocation seems to be the right one for me.

I don’t have the perfect membership in any group, some of them I turned down and left. But to those that I stayed into, I believe are the right ones for me.

I don’t have the perfect relationship; we still have our ups and downs. But that doesn’t deprive us of knowing and believing that what we have is the right one. I don’t have the perfect woman to love, but I sure have the right one.

Knowing these, and so much more about deprivation of perfection and achievement of just the right one, helped me to realize so much. These right ones that I have, for me, are somehow that I can call “perfect” in my own world.It may not fulfill its real thought, but right and “perfect” nonetheless…

scrambles

Epilogue of Dark Days

I decided to stop. Why? Personal reasons, maybe…

I just thought that it’s not healthy anymore what is happening (either real or perceived as such) due to actions and reactions with whatever my blogposts and others have caused either me or them. Thanks to a classmate of mine here in my school, who is an avid reader of my blog, I came to my senses of the effects that some of my blogs are causing.

I dare not judge other people’s blogs for this time. Actually, I have not and I decided that I will not. If my blogposts have created ill-feelings and ill-treatment to some or many, I apologize. I, and not this blog, am at fault. Honestly, some of these posted are negative (as some of the readers can already testify), and I am guilty as charged. This is an effect brought about my negativity coming from the subject of this blog, who is me. I had enough of negativity flowing in me, and sadly, sharing it with others.

This is not an act of cowardice. Nor this can be seen as an act of surrendering. What am I supposed to be coward of? What am I suppose to surrender to? I just felt, as well as decided, that this must stop. But that doesn’t guarantee, that everything will be in its usual place…it can never be.

With this, I end with…PEACE.

---

Being Away

I had been studying here in Don Bosco College-Canlubang for almost a year and a half now, and sadly, I will not able to graduate this coming school year. Having the details for that is not the subject of this blog, so let me just have it in another time.

Going back, there are times that I had been asking myself: “Why am I still like this? Why am I still sulking over the fact that I am far away from home?” Most of the people who know me also know that I had left home for the seminary after I graduated from elementary, and stayed there until the middle of the semester of my 7^th year (or third year college) in the formation. After that, I decided to study here in Laguna, when I had the opportunity to continue my studies.

I know…being away sucks. Though I had the hang of not being at home most of the time, this time is a lot different from before. Honestly, in the past, I did not have the chance to be close to my family. Now, it’s different. How much have I lost! And to think that it is the only concern I had, is wrong. I just realized lately that I had not known myself wholly as well! Too bad…

And also, I am sad over the fact that each and every time I have to leave for school; I leave someone special…behind. That is why I always look forward to coming home at the end of the school week…

Being away is hard…but I can still struggle and cope with it…I hope you do too.

Isang Pagkilala sa Sarili (Tagalog naman!)

Minsan, nakakatuwa na isipin na may mga pagkakataon na kung saan naipapagmalaki natin sa ating mga sarili na ang may kaalaman tungkol sa ating mga sarili ay ang ating mga sarili din. Madalas mangyari sa akin iyon. Ngunit, di lingid sa akin, nagiging sanhi din ito ng hindi pagkakakintindihan at sa kalaunan…tila darating tayo sa konklusyon na mali pala ang ating ipinagmamalaki.

Sa madami at tila sunod-sunod na pagkakataon na dumating iyon sa aking buhay, mga tanong ang tumatanim sa aking isipan. Nakakatuwa, ang mga tanong na nasa aking isipan ay tumugma sa mga tanong na nakasaad bilang gabay sa paggawa ng pagsalamin sa sariling ito.

Una, ang tanong na ukol sa mga pinahahalagahan. Ano nga ba ang mga bagay na pinahahalagahan ko? Ano ang mga bagay na isinasaalang-alang ko? Sa unang tingin, sobrang napakarami ng mga ito. Pinahahalagahan ko ang aking sarili, ang aking pamilya, ang kalayaan, dignidad, kapayapaan ng sarili, at kahit ang aking pakikibilang. Pinapahalagahan ko rin ang opinyon ng ibang tao, ngunit sa lebel lamang ng pananalamin sa aking sarili. Pinapahalagahan ko rin ang katotohanan, responsibilidad, pagtulong at komitment. Pinahahalagahan ko ang mga maliliit na bagay na bumubuo sa aking sarili, maging ito man ay panloob o panlabas lamang. Sa aking paniniwala, ang mga pinahahalagahan kong ito ay isa sa mga sangay kung saan nakikita ko at nakikilala ko ang aking sarili. Sabi nga ng iba: “Sabihin mo sa akin kung sino ang iyong mga kaibigan, at sasasbihin ko sa iyo kung sino ka”. Sa analohiyang ito, ang mga bagay na pinahahalagahan ko ay tila mga kaibigan na maaring magsalamin sa akin upang makita ko ang aking pagkatao at pagka-tao sa kabuuan.

Ano ang aking mga pinaniniwalaan? Sa pagtagal at pag-usad ng panahon, ang aking mga mababaw na paniniwala ay unti-unting nawala sa aking isipan, ngunit ang mga malalalim at mahahalagang paniniwala ay nanatili. Naniniwala ako na mayroong Diyos, na bagamat iba-iba ang katawagan, iisa pa rin. Naniniwala ako sa pag-ibig, na pinagmumulan ng kabutihan at nagpapalabas sa tunay na kulay ng isang tao. Naniniwala ako sa karapatan ng tao na maging malaya at matuto na gamitin ang isip, hindi lamang upang maabot at katotohanan, ngunit upang malaman din ang nilalaman ng isipan. Nainiwala ako sa kapatawaran ng kasalanan at pagkukulang, maging ito man ay sa sarili, o sa iba, o maaari rin naman sa DIyos. Naniniwala ako sa katotohan, na kahit ito man ay bunga ng iba’t-ibang paraan ng pagtuklas at pagkakaalam, ay iisa pa rin.

Ano- ano ang aking mga kailangan? Isa sa mga kinakailangan ko ay oras para sa aking sarili at sa mga bagay na pinahahalagahan ko. Nakakalungkot isipin, hindi ko ito nagagawa ng madalas. Kailangan ko rin ng pang-unawa sa minsang pagiging iba ng aking isipan at pagintindi ukol sa mga bagay-bagay na nangyayari sa aking kapaligiran. Kailangan ko ng mga tao na makikinig at makakintindi ng aking mga iniisip at nadarama. Kung sa pansarili naman ang pag-uusapan, kailangan ko ng kapayapaan ng isip, lalong matinding paniniwala sa kakayanan ko, at paniniwala sa ibang tao. Alam ko na matibay na ang aking paniniwala sa Diyos, ngunit kung hindi man lubos, nangangailangan pa rin ako ng tibay at tatag ng pananampalataya sa kanya. Minsan kasi, nararamdaman ko na tila umaalpas ang aking kamay sa kanyang pagkakahawak.

Sa lahat ng aking nabanggit, huli kong tanong sa sarili ko sa pagkakataong ito: Nasaan na nga ba ako? Sino na nga ba ako?

Ako ay isang nilalang, isang tao na patuloy na naglalakas sa napakahabang landasin ng buhay, na sa bawat liko ay nag-iisip kung saan ba ako nababagay na magpatuloy. Kakatuwa, minsan rin ay naitatanong ko sa sarili kung bakit ko nga ba napili ang daang dinaanan ko. Ngunit, kung ano man ang maihahandog sa akin ng aking pinili, alam ko na ito’y sa akin.

For Two Meddling People…Who Just Won’t Stop

You…

Honestly, I don’t really think you understand the situation. Then, I ask: are you innocent, or just ignorant? I am certain you are not innocent. Worse…you might be just making yourself ignorant…much more like a fool.

I pity you for being judgmental. You take things as what you see and judge them using your insufficient reason. You interpret things that happen as though you have the right to do so. And worse, you are doing that on people…lol.

I live my life, and so is the rest of this world…even you. Live your own; I don’t need someone who doesn’t even know how to ask me what’s going on, and just go on thinking what he wants to think.

What’s happening doesn’t always show on the things you plainly sense about. Understand between the actions and life, as reading between the lines. There are things that must be left as it is, and prying just to know these things isn’t going to help either you or me. What would you gain then, if you would know what you want to know? Isn’t it you judged it even before it was made known to you? What’s the sense? And if you would know what needs to be known, would you believe it? I don’t think so. You’ve already judged it before you could have understood it.

You’re too rash in your actions. But, if that’s the way you want it to be, I won’t stop you. Just don’t blame me if you’re gonna lose sight of the road, and hit something with full force. I tell you, you won’t even have the chance to survive. You might as well be dead…

Sounds morbid? I may be exaggerating…but for you, it isn’t impossible. Watch your step; you might be stepping on the wrong ground. And that…just might be the last one.

And for You…

Isn’t it funny that the person I thought to be that someone I could feel close to in the past would be the complete opposite? I mean…you. You think you’re so smart? You think you could actually be everyone’s eye-candy?

What you did placed the wall between us…and what you did just ended to become the knife I’m holding right now. Guess where would I use it? You don’t need to…I’ll tell you: it’s for you. What you did isn’t an act of concern…Does your nature include being meddlesome?

Don’t ever cross me…you would regret that I might just run you through…if you still can.

Ei, just a thought…if you think these are just empty words…

YOU DON’T KNOW ME! SO…BACK OFF!

Trip

When my family and I, together with some of our former neighbors and friends from Muntinlupa went to Nasugbu, Batangas last weekend, I thought that it was already late for a splash down cool (and skin-darkening) waters before hitting back to school. But, just as my father calls it: “Huling Hirit sa Tag-init: PACPOB” (PACPOB stands for Poon, Afable, Castro, POBlete), it wasn’t that late, though.

I told myself that day that I would only swim during the afternoon or towards nighttime, but I just bit my tongue when we arrived there I and saw how enticing the place was. We left the house past 6 in the morning and arrived a little near 4 hours after. What I hoped to be a short stint at the pool turned into several hours of swimming at the beach, while somehow imagining that I’m hearing Sandwich’s “Sunburn” song (while hoping that I won’t be having that). lol.

With this family event that I had, let me share some moments where I had the chance to think and realize some facts that somehow escaped my mind this whole summer…

1) When I had the chance to talk with Ouie, my kid neighbor, I was somehow dumbfounded with the answer he gave me. I asked him, “Bakit mo ginagawa yan? (pertaining to the sand castle he was making along the seashore) He plainly answered, “Wala lang. Gusto ko eh.”

The thought: Sometimes, things just can’t be complicated; they can be seen as they are. When I started to criticize almost everything that comes into my known world, I tend to complicate what can be seen as just plain and simple. Actually, I miss those times when I can just answer plainly. Right now, honestly, I tend to go to even the littlest detail I know as such to answer even a simple question asked to me…But I can’t help it. Things are not plain and simple anymore in my world.

2) A large (and I mean it) group of students from MAPUA (EE,ECE et al) went to the same resort where we were, I can’t help but wonder how some people end up like what some had. Surprisingly, I bumped into an old classmate of mine way back in high school, who happens to be a graduating student in that school.

The thought: It’s really surprising to reminisce memories of the past with someone you share it with. And somehow disappointing that you haven’t got the chance to share your present with that same person you shared your past with. But hey, this is a big world…I must go out and explore…

Humbling, simple, happy…

Ignorance and Innocence

There is a fine line, I believe, with these two words; which is somehow mistaken to be one as the other and vice versa. As I see it, the difference lies in the level of knowledge of something; that is, the degree of knowledge of a certain object subjected to the consciousness. Ignorance, I believe, is partial knowledge of something (but doesn’t deny the fact that one knows something about that something, but not of it as a whole). On the other hand, ignorance is total deficiency of knowledge about a certain object.

To further illustrate the difference: an educated man from the province visited the city. While waiting for someone who would show him around, he decided to buy a drink from a ‘palamig’ stand across the street. Knowing that he is already so thirsty and tired, he immediately crossed the street but was halted by a policeman. The ‘promdi’ (man from the province) asked for his violation, and the policeman bluntly answered him with ‘jaywalking’. Is this case a case of ignorance or innocence?

We cannot deny the fact that the term innocence is best described in the likes of infants and kids, or at some cases, with those who are deprived of sanity. But would that deprive a sane man of innocence as well? If so, then, those who are proclaimed ‘innocent’ at courts are thus otherwise? Furthermore, then, that means every man who is in good mentality are ‘at fault’ all the time?

What’s my point in this blog, then? Actually, this is just a reflection I had when I had the chance to know more about the metropolis. I can say that I am ignorant…yes, ignorant of the places where I have been into these past few days. I partially know these places; therefore I cannot say that I am innocent about these places where I have been into.

But hey! It’s a great thing I finally knew about those stuff!

School Stuff

The Coming Semester…

I just enrolled myself for this coming semester in my school back in Canlubang, and somehow sadly, I only have 19 units for this coming semester. I just hope I can add more to these when we have the chance, coz I really wanna finish this school year.

But clearly, I can say that this semester will be interesting. Why? Check my schedule:

Time	Monday	Tuesday	Wednesday	Thursday	Friday	Saturday
7:30 am				PHL 111
8:30	PHL 107		PHL 107		PHL 106
9:30			PHL 109		PHL 109
10:30	HPL 103	LTN 121	PHL 106	HPL 103
11:30
12:30 pm
1:30		LTN 131
2:30
3:30
4:30

HPL 103: History of Western Philosophy II (Modern Philosophy)

LTN 121: Church Latin 1

LTN 131: Philosophical Latin 1

PHL 106: Rational Psychology

PHL 107: Philosophy of Religion

PHL 109: Applied Ethics

PHL 111: Filipino Philosophy

===

the school year is about to begin soon, after a week or two, and along with it, are the usual conditions/situations that I believe some of us would fall into:

1) the usual ramblings about summer escapades, and with it, those ones that were unable to accomplish

2) the complaints of having sunburns and other sickness, which can be used as alibis for not attending the first day or week of class

3) the depression knowing the summer is over and the period of plunging one’s head back to the books have started anew (this time, is much worse!)

4) and lots more…

these maybe the negative ones, but we cannot deny the fact that there are also positive happenings that transpired during the summer vacation, right?

so, for those who still have the rest of the vacation in their sleeves, take pleasure in it…once gone, you’ll regret you wasted it (if you really did).

aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

i find it funny when people just can't seem to get rid of that attitude of "i'll get back at you". funny...everyone just wants to get even..
when is it gonna stop? when someone's already "dead"?
let me know...maybe, that's one of those things that i really admit to be "uneducated" of...as of this time.

===

why do some people take so much pride in correcting another person, even at the price of humiliating the other to elevate oneself?
why do some people keep on looking on other people's lives, and decides on whatever that live does, even if it is not one's own?
why is it that there are times that people can't forgive?

i don't know the answers as of yet...

do you?

===

some people tell me that i am pessimistic
others, see me as optimistic
i dare not be grouped in those
i would rather have myself in that little corner
where only some stay...

that corner where reality prevails

===

don't be so confident that you still have what you have...
are you just conceited, or plainly blind?

===

i noticed that recently, my blogposts have an irate nature...
maybe, i'm just tired
of what?
think...maybe, you'll know why.

Post-Birthday Blog

Last May 19, I celebrated my 21^st birthday. I never expected it to be the way it had been. It was not a celebration, if such word had to be used. You see, my grandfather died the day before (see previous post). My mother sent me a text message telling us to prepare for an immediate sojourn in Batangas, at my grandfather’s wake. We left the house, May 18, at around 9:30 and arrived to the place 2 hours after. When midnight struck, I did not think that anyone would even bother to greet me, but some did. My parents greeted me, but I can see clearly that there is a feeling of deep grief in them, especially with my mother. I tried to smile, though honestly, I want to cry.

I remember, the time before we went to the wake, both of my parents asked me on how I can celebrate my birthday. I just told them that this is not the time for that. I cannot be happy when everyone else grieves. I told them that I won’t have a celebration…that’s fine with me, I accepted what happened.

Still, I appreciate those who greeted me during my birthday. Some people from the past greeted me, much to my surprise (thanks Ica!). Friends from the Youth Ministry also sent me greetings, which I really thought to be sweet. Most of all, I received the best gift ever from someone special…(thanks....)

That made me think…indeed, we have our share of good and bad times, but how we see the results of it, is another thing. It’s a matter of choice…and I decided, to be happy.

death...

my grandfather died last may 18...in 72 years of age. he died due to lung complications, at around 11:30 in the morning. i received the message from my mom at around 3 in the afternoon. last week, we went to batangas for an emergency visit to my dying grandfather. and sadly, not a week after, he died.

so unpredictable...sad...

May 14 posts (late)

As The Country Awaits

As the country now waits for the new set of senators and local leaders, certain issues started to surface once more, and still, it hungers for something that is always left behind: answers.

Answers to what? People nowadays are really weary in choosing leaders to lead them to what they desire. And in the case of national and local leaders, the people are looking for “qualified” leaders to govern them to their hopes and dreams of a better society, or a better life. I cannot blame people to be idealistic; it’s their right to hope for those kinds of things. What is wrong with hoping for a better life, anyway? Even I hope for a better situation in our country, which is starting to be seen as crumbling to the ground.

One may ask: what makes “leaders” qualified? For this, relativity of answers is obvious. People of all walks of life; depending on their lifestyle, environment and certain other factors, have a certain notion of what makes a leader as such. For the pragmatics (as I call them), those who can provide for them what they want and need, are the true leaders of the country. For the general idealists, those who promise better lives are the true leaders. Still, for the others, difference in thoughts and ideas help them derive the suitable leader for them.

Yet…we cannot deny the fact of existence of another group who belongs to the society during these times: those who do not care. I’m pretty sad to admit that there those who gave up hoping for the country. There exists a collection of people who care more about their own personal lives and left the others to decide for the fate of the country. I am not judging them…their actions speak for themselves.

Still, my hopes are up. But my grip of reality stays…

Doing My Part

Since I wasn’t able to have myself registered as a voter in the elections a few years back, I made sure that my voice (or my will) will be counted in last Monday’s election. I registered last December with Joan, and to date, I am the only one in the family registered here in Parañaque (since my parents and two older sibling were registered in Muntinlupa).

I wished to do something more, and I decided to do so. How? I joined the PPCRV (Parish Pastoral Council for Responsible Voting) of our parish. I registered, with Joan once more, to be pollwatchers.

The day came for the elections and we watched our assigned precincts religiously. It wasn’t thrilling. I have to admit, I was somehow bored of the proceeding that we went through the whole day. We started at 7 in the morning and left at around 9 in the evening. I was saddened by the fact that there are still a percentage of people who were not able to vote on that day. In the two voting precincts that I watched that day, one held 101/165 (those who vote over to those who did not); and the other only had 109/195. I dare not make any assumptions on why they were not able to vote; I just hope it’s not because they lost hope already, which led them to be lazy to even vote.

But, if I may, could I ask?

Does our vote really count?

Time and Thoughts

Time Flies…So are Responsibilities

Somehow, I feel this month of May would be fast. Ok, it would still end up with 31 days in its sleeve, but the events that would transpire within this month would make it look so fast and fleeting. That reminds me, what are still the things that I need to do?

I honestly admit, there are still things in my summer agenda that I have not yet fulfilled, for one reason or another. But as long as the school year hasn’t started yet, I have every time I need to do whatever I need to.

With regards to some of my duties and responsibilities, here’s an update: my term in DBC’s Student Council would be over this coming school year, I’m planning to lay down my position as Feature Ed of the school’s paper, and also did a L.O.A. for my Singles Encounter Group. My other membership to school’s organizations were just short-timed or short-goaled, so when the goal was reached, we were just practically dissolved. At the beginning of the month, I talked with my PYM’s Youth Coordinator to tell her that I’ll need a break from the ministry. Good thing is that she allowed me to. Still, my affiliations with other organizations are placed in the line of my decision wherein I should stay or not.

Why all the sudden turn-down of responsibilities, you say? Simple. I need to focus on more important things right now. Don’t get me wrong: I say “more important”, so that means that even those that I laid down are important. But judging from the situation that I am in now, I could just afford to concentrate and give my whole attention to less than five important factors in my life.

Just Some Thoughts…Again

I think it would be hypocrisy for me to say that I could still give; even if I don’t have anything to give…I feel that it’s not giving, but bargaining. Why? Coz’ at the back of my head, I’m urged to think of asking for something in return.

I think it’s hard for just one person to go to the other side for the sake of the other. I believe that no one could be perfectly the same as the other person. Meet in the middle, will ya?

I think it’s just stupid for someone to meddle with other people’s personal lives. There is a thin line between caring and meddling, so watch where you are right now.

Failing to act on something leads someone to blame everything besides oneself

Some people are just too full of themselves, that they don’t see other people as they are. Rather, they just see others are either mere shadows along their path or someone who is trying to be like them. And in the process, they pity them; though not evidently.

A general thought: one cannot judge something or someone as such (either good or bad) without giving reference to one side (most of the time, that which is good). However, is that which is considered as the reference point, really must be the reference? Let’s face it: people are sometimes standing on the wrong ground.

Getting Piggy and Dirty

“If you let yourself fall in a pig sty and you’re left with the pigs, don’t fight them. If you do, there are only two things that are most likely to happen: First, you get dirty and trampled upon; second, they’ll be dirty, but happy, much to their pleasure.”

Am I the one who fell in the pig sty?

Or am I one of the pigs?

Series 1

Complicating the Simple Part 1

On Intention and Action

As I recall my blogsposts a few months back, I stumbled at my post wherein I somehow spoke of intention and manner of doing the intention. I cannot recall the exact words that I used, but it’s somehow like this: People generally have good intentions, but the manner in doing so varies its results; may it be for the person itself or for others.

I just had the urge to dwell on this matter as I woke up this morning…

I still believe, even if I have no more reason to, that people really have good intentions in their mind. Considering that all people are god in nature, their actions comes or roots out of it. Since man in general is good, his actions in general must be good as well. But let’s look at the real (and somehow grim) thing about life. No one can tell me, especially nowadays, that there is this particular person who is the personal embodiment of this nature and action of goodness. Looking at the fact that we are somehow infected, affected or plagued by influences that surrounds us (may it be good or bad), each and everyone of us cannot have goodness alone. Let’s just face it…all of us have our own demons within.

Thus, from this, we come at this statement: Indeed man is by nature good, but is somehow nurtured with the presence of evil. I would then assume the position that all the “good” actions that we do or know as such are tainted with a certain degree of “evil”. Come to think of this, when we do wrong or evil, we are somehow aware of the contradictory standpoint of it (that is, good). How about if we shift things 180 degrees?

Someone who’s reading this might ask me why we are moving away from my introductory issue. Actually, I’m not. I’m just going back to look at the principles (those that I see firsthand) guiding the issue of intention and action. I just saw that since man is generally good, his actions are also good, including his intentions. However, as I recall my studies in Ethics, it speaks of sin (or evil) enters in the level of decision, precedent to action. Thus, one’s actions may be tainted of affected by evil, to some extent; however we see it as good.

Now, looking at everything that I mentioned above, I could say then that the subject doing the intention is at fault for the result of the intention. We see our intention as good, and since the action that descends from it came from good, we see it in the same way as good. But it’s not always the case. The gravity of the action, especially towards the other subject (or person), is that variable that changes everything. How? It is the presence of individual perception (or somehow, the shallow relativity) of the notion of goodness…

(to be continued (on the absolute and relative presence of goodness and conclusion) and republished later…its no use if I spill everything here in one shot, right?)

P.S.: Why do I somehow complicate things that can be perceived as simple? Simple. Some simple things are even hard to understand by those who are too wise (as they say they are). I’m just helping them out.

Quoting from a Friend…Food for Thought

I would just like to quote some lines from a dear friend’s blog. It’s interesting, and it moved me to think about things, especially my relationship with other people. Anyway, here it is:

“Alam namin na minsan talaga, nakakabangga ka lang ng hindi mo sinasadya at madaling patawarin iyon. Yun nga lang, silipin mo man lang sana kung ang nabangga mo ay nadapa, tumumba o nasugatan”.

Want and Change

What I Want…What the Other Wants

There are times that we wish well for ourselves. Also, we at times wish for the best for those who are dear to us, or even to those we know. Thinking about this, we are somehow pushed or driven with the desire to do everything possible to achieve our hopes and intentions; may it be for us or for others.

However, what about the other person? Does the other person feel the same way? Sometimes, no matter how good or justified our intentions are for the other person, it’s not what the other person wants, or even needs.

Maybe, this happens because of our subjective perception on the concept of good or welfare, especially for the other person. We differ in our thoughts of attaining good and the desires as well as actions leading to it. Even the mere concept of goodness for our own differs from one to another. My view on goodness differs on others, and vice-versa.
How then, can I determine the need of the other person, in line with my intention and hope of welfare and goodness for that person?

Self-Introspection…I Changed

Ever since I left the seminary a year ago, I first thought that I must shed off my seminarian-style of manners; ranging from my stern or strict attitude and aura, to even my ‘probinsyano’ accent. I have to admit, when I was still inside, I always hoped that other people would treat me as someone similar to them. I hate to be seen someone different, or even higher, than other people.

To date, it has been a year and 3 months since then, and I have to admit, I changed a lot. I got taller by 3 inches, gained 40 more pounds for my weight, looked older than my real age and grew darker in complexion.

But seriously, aside from my physical attributes, I can feel that I changed a lot on the inside. Aside from myself, there is only one person who knows this, and understands what I’m going through. I have to admit; I shifted to the wrong gear, turned the wrong direction, and stopped on places where I should not be. But in these places, I learned more about life: that it’s not only a monotonous environment, dictated by norms and rules; but a conglomeration of different phases and moments where I rise and fall on different aspects of my life.

I know, it’s been quite sometime since I last did a check-up on who is the real Kristoffer right now. I’m just waiting for the right time to do so. I have to leave some things behind for some time. That would be rough…

But I hope; as I come back, I’ll know myself even more, accept myself even more…love myself even more. And in doing so, I could say that I could also do so to others.

But right now, I’m half-full.

delayed posts

Stuck at Home

Being stuck at home this vacation is somehow boring. Yah, I admit, some of the things that I do while I’m stuck in our house is somehow done routinely. Come to think of it, isn’t this like what I used to do back then? (Back when?)

But, I also have to admit, this daily routine that I do here around the house makes me remember some of the things that I almost forgot; one of which is, discipline. Ok..ok, so I’m not that stern person that I used to be. But maybe, a little discipline gained each day makes me a better person, right?

Btw, how do I spend a regular summer day here? Let me describe. I wake up at 5 or 6 in the morning, regardless of the time I slept the previous day. I sweep the façade of our house, as well as the garage; then I go water the plants. While I’m doing that, I also heat water for coffee, as well as turn of the lights from the grotto and the kubo. If I’m done at around 7, I start then to sweep the floor inside the house, from the rooms upstairs, going down to the rest of the house. Since my dad’s the one cooking breakfast, that’s one chore down for me. After my parents as well as my sister leave the house for work, I clean up in the kitchen. After which will I only take my breakfast (mainly a cup of coffee and a piece of bread).

I go with the rest of the day by cleaning the CR’s, feeding the dogs, clean the kubo and other stuffs like that. At around 5 in the afternoon, I start to work in the kitchen. If my parents leave me with something to cook for dinner, that’s the thing that I usually do. From preparing, eating and cleaning up the dining room and kitchen, that’s my job. I usually finish my day’s work by 9 in the evening, after locking up.

Some asked my what my usual leisure activities in between my daily chores? Sometimes, I listen to the radio, have a little time in the Internet, or simply channel surfing in the TV.

I have to admit, in the middle of this summer vacation, I feel tired, with all this things that I practically do everyday. But hey, “no pain, no gain”, right?

What then can I gain from this, ei? Wala ba akong day-off? (HAHAHA!)

Sometimes, I think: I should be somehow envious with those who do nothing this vacation but be happy in their means possible. But I don’t…. :)

Cooking

From among the usual household chores that I do, the least that I like is that of cooking. But hey, that was then…

Since vacation started, there are some instances wherein my dad or mom would call up and tell me to do this or do that. But lately, they’ve been asking me to cook! What the?!

But, happily, I pulled my work fine. Well, besides from little cuts and small burns, I’m still ok.

I hope I could cook good food before the school year starts, coz I’m gonna miss home-style cooking then.

Refreshing my Driving Know-how

I had my driving lessons last year, but I wasn’t able to practice it. As far as I can remember, the last time I drove was May last year, while on our stay in Bataan. The school year passed without me having the chance to take over the wheel.

I feel so glad when my dad decided to let me practice my driving this summer. However, it’s not with a driving school; and my dad’s not the one to see through? Who? My brother!

Yikes! That one whose driving makes me nuts at times; who drives at times at 120 kph in the highway, when its supposed to be only a hundred?

But then, I have to trust my dad’s decision. Just last Monday, I started with my brother seated beside me in the front seat. He’s not bad after all. He’s giving me tips in driving that I instructor never told me a year back. And they’re useful too! And besides, he’s not as pessimistic as my former instructor.

I just hope I could finish my driving review by the first week of May. I plan to have my license as an advance gift for myself.

At least, I have something productive for myself that I did this vacation.

nonesense...

“You know you are your own. And you know that who you are is a result of your own search of gaining yourself. Yet you won’t be that person you are bragging about right know without those who made you to become as such. So don’t be stupid letting the whole world know that you are who you are because of your own. You’re such one big hypocrite”.

“Am I really the one to blame that you ended up like trash? You made it this way. I won’t say it’s your fault why nobody’s listening to you anymore. Maybe, I may have a hand in leading you to your ‘demise’. But hey, look at you! You say you’re wise? What have you done, then? You just lead yourself and others to a place only you can see. What have you done to them? You made them believe that what you perceive is that which they must believe as well. They have their own minds, and neglecting that really hits the spot. Because of this, you are now just all by yourself…alone.”

“If you feel that you are unrecognized or disrespected, don’t treat them the same way. Knowing this makes you wiser than them. You know better. If you do, you’ll just end up being one of those who you despise: them.”

“I’ve had enough of this joke! Why am I doing this in the first place, ei? Is it because of you? Or is it because of them? Look at this! Are we still on the track we see fit for us? Maybe, this is one big joke after all. Don’t tell me this is the only way, or is it just this is the only way you see fit for you? If you want, just lead yourself crashing. Don’t bring all of us down with you. Unless you see what needs to be done, all I can say is: I pity you. What I can do? Hey…don’t expect me to do everything. You’re not helping yourself. Why should I? ”

“You always end up blaming yourself for whatever failure is happening between you and the other person. You also blame yourself for the wrong things happening that involves you. But come think about this…are you the only one capable of committing failures? Are you the only one who could think, and sometimes even think wrongly? Blaming yourself somehow implies that you deprive others of the chance to commit mistakes…that shouldn’t be it.”