makes me whole...(a song dedicated to my girlfriend)

i would like to dedicate this song to my girlfriend for our 10 months together...

for my girlfriend...
whatever the future holds for us, i know we'll always be together...for better or for worse
i love you so much...and you know the rest

Makes Me Whole by Amel Larrieux

Darling I want you to listen
I stayed up all night, so I can get this thing right
And I don't think there's anything missing
Cause a person like you, made it easy to do
I've waited for so long, to sing to you this song

Cause your eyes are the windows to heaven
Your smile could heal a million souls
Your love completes my existence
You're the other half that makes me whole
You're the only other half that makes me whole

I think the angels are your brothers, yeah
They told you about me, said you're just what she needs
And I find myself thanking your mother
For giving birth to a saint
My spirit flies when I say your name
If there's one thing that's true
It's that I was born to love you

Cause your eyes are the windows to heaven
Your smile could heal a million souls
Your love completes my existence
You're the other half that makes me whole
You're the only other half that makes me whole

You make my dreams
Come true over and, over again
And I honestly truly believe
You and me are written in the stars
I live my whole life through
To giving thanks to you

Cause your eyes are the windows to heaven
Your smile could heal a million souls
Your love completes my existence
You're the other half that makes me whole
You're the only other half that makes me whole

:)

WHAT MY NAME MEANS :))

What Kristoffer Afable Means


You are a seeker of knowledge, and you have learned many things in your life.
You are also a keeper of knowledge - meaning you don't spill secrets or spread gossip.
People sometimes think you're snobby or aloof, but you're just too deep in thought to pay attention to them.

You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.
You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.
You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.
You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.
You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong.
You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know.
You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do.

You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life.
You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home.
You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble.

You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life.
You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you.
At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself.

You are loving, compassionate, and ruled by your feelings.
You are able to be a foundation for other people... but you still know how to have fun.
Sometimes your emotions weigh you down, but you generally feel free from them.

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.
You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.
At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.
You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.
You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You are full of energy. You are spirited and boisterous.
You are bold and daring. You are willing to do some pretty outrageous things.
Your high energy sometimes gets you in trouble. You can have a pretty bad temper at times.

You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.
You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily.
Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.

:)) would you agree?

My Christmas Vacation

…was great! Though, short, I believe that the last Christmas vacation that I had was the greatest so far. Let me share what happened on some days for that duration from December 22 to January 6:

December 22, 2007- after last night’s activity (College Christmas Party), I went back home for some Christmas shopping rush. I went home with my laptop bag and an additional baggage: a guitar that I won the previous night (Why Lord?! I don’t even know how to use it?)Those were not for me, though; but for my family. Ever since we transferred to our home in Parañaque, it has been our tradition to have “exchange gifts” for Christmas. This will be the third year, I guess. I was with my Baby Joan (my girlfriend) and we went to SM Southmall and spent the whole day there, some shopping and arcades at Storyland made our day.

December 24-I went together with my family for the yearly Christmas Eve Mass, and celebrated Christmas Day together at the strike of 12 in the midnight (thus, the next day). I gave my presents to everyone at home: a Spoof T-shirt for Daddy (with the “League of Pogi Gentlemen design), a book for Mommy (I believe she could use that in her counseling career), bags for both my sister and brother, two (2) PSP games for our youngest brother, and a bag as well for our Ate Ning (our helper).

December 25- unlike the previous years, where out relatives from the province would come to us for Christmas (from either side), this Christmas was quite a quiet one. It was just a simple day with the family. I went out in the afternoon to go to mass with my Baby Joan and after that, had a simple Christmas dinner with her family, then went immediately home for my own family’s Christmas dinner.

December 31- still, I went together with my family to the New Year’s Eve Mass, at the same time as the Christmas Eve Mass. Earlier that evening, our relatives from Bataan arrived to spend New Year with us (our Tito from her in his short vacation from his work in Dubai). Quarter time before the midnight of the New Year when all lights and electricity of our place went out. We didn’t know if there had been a mishap somewhere or it was just to avoid such mishap. Thus, we welcomed the New Year in darkness, but with the illumination and fading light of the fireworks up in the sky. Electricity went back at around 1:15 in the morning, as the lights and sounds show of the fireworks slowly died away. Me and my cousins (Ivy and Aiza) just took our chances with the videoke until about 4 in the morning.

Oh, by the way, it’s my Dad’s birthday as well (New Year’s Day).

January 1, 2008- the New Year shares the same day as my Dad’s birthday. When I woke up two hours after my sleep at 4 o’clock in the morning, I helped out with the preparations and at lunchtime, visitors and relatives from both sides of the family poured in. Total mayhem situation at hand, but we prevailed. After the day, the house is still at one piece, though some things were not. The most difficult part of my Dad’s celebration, I believe, was the cleanup. While Ate Ning (our helper) was busy in the kitchen, I was moving and cleaning about with the rest of the house: from the Kubo, to the Family Room, to the Dining Room as well as all the rooms where our visitors and relatives stayed for the day. At the end of the day, I just found out (sarcastic tone >:D) that my whole body’s aching.

But the most difficult thing that happened that day was…I was not able to go to mass with my girlfriend. I was stuck at home, while she decided to go with her family for that once-in-a-blue moon opportunity that they go to mass together. Anyway, I have to understand right?

January 4- both me and my Baby Joan (my girlfriend) decided to go to First Friday Mass, considering the fact that we still don’t have classes yet. After that, we went to the salon for my extended Christmas gift for her: Hair Relax. It was kind of boring, considering that I don’t have anything to do in that place (well…except watching the hairdresser work on my girlfriend’s hair), and maybe watch some stupid show in the TV. After that, we went for a while to our house for some scanning errand her father asked her to do. Then we went to her house and spent some hours there. Just a simple day with an extraordinary person, I believe.

Just a simple period in time, but made extraordinary by the things that we do, experience and learn. I sure learned a lot from this vacation. I know.

belated posts...not been bloggin' lately

Serenity Prayer

I liked this prayer for the reason that it fits whatever that had transpired in my life in the past, happening at the present, and would happen in the future. I want to give some thought on it, especially its first part…

----------

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference…” The first line had been the eye-catcher for me in the sense that it struck me. I came to ask myself these questions: “What are the things that I would have wanted to change, but was unable to do so? that I was able to? What and where lies the difference?”

I was the Vice-President for Internal Affairs of the College Department of Don Bosco-Canlubang. Honestly, I was really idealistic when I first came into position. Considering that I was just a transferee then, I asked myself, “How can I lead, if I don’t know how? How can I lead them, if I don’t know them?” Yet for a year and a half of serving in that position, I came to realize, that there’s more to it than meets the eye.

I was a new student in that school back then, so I have struggled to learn much about almost anything that I need and have to know about my duties and responsibilities. I was new to the environment you know. I came from a former school a lot different from where I am now. Also, I tried my best to be optimistic most of the times; even if there’s no more reason for it.

When I came to the position, I have so much in mind: plans, proposals, ideas, activities and many more; all for the benefit of the students; who I promised to serve. But as I proceeded with my term of office, I came to realize that not all of those that I had in mind can be real. I wasn’t able to accept them at first, and was willing to fight for what I believe if I was given a chance.

But then, there were also times when I had the chance to see my plans through; to change the things that I knew I can. However, I cowered and displaced myself on one corner, having the thought that even if I knew I can, it won’t succeed.

----------

Collection of thoughts to reflect this New Year:

At the end of the previous year, I was able to encounter some words which I thought to be best for me as my guiding thoughts for the year. Some of which are the following:

From Rene Descartes…

It is not enough to have a good mind. The main thing is to use it well.

The Zero Fallacy…

The fact that it is limited doesn’t mean that there is none.

The fact that it is not seen doesn’t mean it’s not there.

The fact that it is unnoticeable doesn’t mean it can’t hurt of affect you.

A message at the beginning and as the semester continues…

“Whatever life you discover at the margins, must be verified and tested at the center”

Another thought…

Are the questions that are most needed to ask are the questions not being asked in the first place?

And when it is asked, is it answered?

Are things asked that are not answered, not answered because one cannot? Or one does not want?

----------

I THINK THERE’S SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME…

BUT STILL, I CANNOT SINGLE THAT PROBLEM OUT…

just a word of warning

i know blogs are supposed to be a means of expressing one's thoughts...

but don't cross the line...

i post this to you, and you know who you are...

dont assume or even say things you are never sure of... if you think you're right, think again, you're wrong...how do i know? ask the other person...one of which you spoke of....clear your clouded and fantasizing head...

choose: either you retract all the lies that you posted, or let yourself be humiliated.

its my business...and you know why.

about my girlfriend and the coming semester...

I love my girlfriend.

I just can’t believe myself that after everything that I have to go through for this, she’s here with me, and she’s worth everything that I went through.

But come to think of it, why would I have to put myself into this, according to some, “mess”? Wouldn’t it be nice for me to stay single?

Simple, I do not think like them. This relationship that I am into right now is not a mess, and I chose, and still am choosing, to be in it and be with her.

There may have been times that we had our petty quarrels, misunderstandings and cold moments; but what matters and counts are those moments that we spend to make it up.

We may not know what the future may bring us, but this we’re sure…we’ll be there for each other, no matter what.

Baby, I love you so much!

==========

This semestral break, though short, had been fruitful (I guess). Next week, classes officially open for the second semester. And this semester, I believe would be a lot more challenging for my part.

I really wish to finish my studies by October next year (the latest), and proceed to job-hunting immediately for experience. I plan to take my masterals for my course and proceed to teaching, my second dream, aside from….some knows what. But then, past is past; and I’m over with what has transpired then, and I don’t want to get back anymore.

Going back (harhar), having 15 units (and 8 units more, I hope), will be challenging, plus the fact that I will be reviewing as well for the comprehensive exam in the latter part of this semester. Aside from that, I will be both helping out with my mom and girlfriend in their different academic requirements throughout this semester (my mom with her academic requirements at CEFAM, while my girlfriend’s minor subjects at San Beda…I can’t actually help her with her majors, thoughL).

Some asked me, “Can you keep up?”

I say, “I’m not sure, but there’s no harm in trying, right?”

Besides, I believe that I have slacked (not the exact term) enough; it’s time for me to be fully focused on the things that I need to do.

I’m gonna need every help that I can get… wahahahaha!

==========

missing my girlfriend, the final exams, and the past week's events...

Being away from your loved ones is a hard thing. I believe that. A short experience of that came when I had my retreat last Wednesday. Since its three days, I would not be able to communicate to anyone back at home for three days.

Yes, indeed, I missed my family. That’s given. But that one who I really missed was my girlfriend. I remember that I called her before our retreat started and said that I would not be able to communicate with her for the rest of the retreat. I was really relieved when I heard her say that she understands. She told me that she’ll be praying for me, and told me to enjoy the retreat.

Honestly, I was thinking about her the whole retreat. Since the retreat module was fitted to our batch, some of its contents centered on relationships, especially on the boyfriend-girlfriend relationships. With those, I began to think of the many experiences that I had with her; from the moment I started to court her, until now. I asked myself a lot of questions, and even subjected myself to criticism on how I handled my relationship with her. I kept these questions and asked it to her when I came back. Relief and intense happiness was the feeling that I felt when she assured me that though things do not go our way, I still got her.

I have to admit, since this is my first relationship, it was hard at first, due to some problems that we have to encounter. But the burden is not only carried by one; but by both of us. It makes things lighter for us. We quarrel at times; but we try to settle everything immediately. We are trying to help each other out. Corny as it may seem, I do not let the day pass until I let her know and feel that I love her so much.

We will be celebrating our 5^th month together sometime soon. It’s still fresh and new, I know. But strong and long-lasting relationships start from scratch, right? We’re trying to make our relationship work; and we can see that it is working.

We may not have the perfect relationship, but we believe that it’s the right one.

For my girlfriend: I love you so much, and I will always be, not only here, but with you.

----

This week will be Final Examinations Week for most of us. For me and my girlfriend, we have this as our “hell week”. Weeks before, even until the present, we are trying to start studying and we’re actually progressing (haha!)

I’ll be having my exams only from Tuesday to Thursday, since tomorrow’s our review day and Friday’s a holiday. Good thing that I don’t have exams scheduled on Friday.

Right now, I need to focus. Study. Understand. And I guess this also goes to everyone who will be having their exams this week.

May I quote: “We study not for the grades, but for life”. Take your studies seriously, or the future won’t be serious with you.

---

These past few days, I had been quite busy and I can just imagine how the last week of the semester would turn out to be. Finals week is coming, and its coming real fast. But a little time given to self erases that tendency to freak out and lose control, right? And that is just what I am doing right now.

For the past weeks after two of my professors arrived, we have been constantly jamming our heads with the lessons needed to be finished by final examinations. I just had my finals in Philosophical Latin last Tuesday, and I have a 1.75 already as my final grade. Since I don’t have much time at home to do my stuffs, I usually do them at school.

Then came Wednesday. Though my batch is going to a retreat in the afternoon, we still had to attend class. So, I managed to come to 4 hours of class, from 8:30-12:30 in the morning, 2 hours for Theodicy and the rest of the two for Modern Philosophy; though somehow at the back of my head, I feel like I already want to go away and take some time off from stuffs.

We left the school at around 2:30 in the afternoon, bound for Tagaytay (Don Bosco Batulao). However, after all were inside the bus, Fr. Noel announced to us that instead of Tagaytay, we would go to Lucban at the Kamay ni Hesus Pilgrimage Site for our retreat. It was a breather for most of us, since it’s a new place for us (we had our batch retreat in Batulao last year). Details of the retreat would come later; but for now, all I can say is that I’m an emotional person, and I kept on crying most of the time in our retreat.

Friday came, and the retreat that was supposed to have ended at around 1, ended at some minutes after 3 in the afternoon. We left Lucban at around 4 and arrived back at school nearing 7 in the evening, thanks (sarcastically) to the slow movement of traffic along the way. Not even 10 minutes at school, I decided to go home, hoping I would catch up with my girlfriend whose having a class until 8:30 in the evening (supposedly). But she texted me and said that they’ll end their class an hour earlier. I said, Damn! I won’t be in time. I just asked her what she wants me to bring to her, and at some minutes before 9, after being soaked in the rain and held up in slow traffic again, I arrived at their house. An hour later, tired and sleepy, I went home.

:)

A few months back, on this day (the 19^th), I formally thought of myself as no longer single. And I finished acting like one.

I am no longer single, and I chose to be. And until today, I am living in that decision. I know she still chooses it too.

Yes, she is my first girlfriend. Many tell me that I am becoming too idealistic with regards to my present relationship (since it’s my first). I don’t know, maybe I do. Some still tell me that I am giving too much. Maybe I am, but I don’t regret it.

I always tell her that I do not have any regrets that she was the one I chose to be with. We may have our differences, but that’s alright. What’s more important right now for me, I believe, is that we understand each other, we are there for each other, and we love each other as such as we can and do.

I am fully committed to her and to this relationship that I have. There may have been times that I fell short of the things that I should have done, but I will try to be the best that I can be.

I chose not to be the perfect one for her, but I am trying to be the right one. And I think, that is what she wants more.

For my girlfriend: I love you, and I will always be here for you and with you, no matter what.

a moment of comic thinking

last friday, while we were waiting for our turn for our oral exams in rational psychology, some of my classmates and i shared a little chat about ideas we brought up in our study. i would like to share one here.

my classmate asked: "what if God thinks and acts like a human being?"
one answered: "if that is so, how would he react when one enters heaven?"

here comes the scenario...we believe that when one passes from this life to the other (that is, when we are already in front of the ultimate good, who is GOD), one will never be able to resist Him. the only thing that one can do is but surrender to the ultimate goodness that is God.

placing a comic picture of heaven, with the gates of heaven in front of someone going to it, we pictured out what that person may be saying:

"yes! i am in heaven now! i am so happy! i will be with God! i will never ask for anything else!"

however, on the other side of the gate, God (placing that God thinks and acts like us) thinks:

"will I be happy when he comes here?"

----

we meant not to degrade or cause anything negative to the idea, as well as the image of God. however, i assume that one (as i did), can reflect on this scenario.

at the end of this blog...i would like to ask: "what are we doing in this life that would please God?"

OK…We believe it’s time

For these past months, I was trying to discern whether or not to do something that I thought could somehow be left undone. However, I was wrong. It is really right to say that the truth will reveal itself in time. Still, it is right to say that the truth will set us free.

Looking into the past, why was I thinking like that? Why am I still trying to think about saying the truth? Can you blame me for not trusting the people I used to trust? Can you blame me for not saying the truth?

But, looking into myself, what was it that I was thinking about? What did I fear? Who? Was I anxious or depressed at the fact that I feared rejection and criticism? I was weighing the scales…and at some point in time, I had the wrong measurement.

But now, before the truth is tainted with lies, here it goes…

I am in love, and the person that I am in love with is now with me. In short, she’s my girlfriend now. Who, you say? Would there be anyone else?

At this point, let me explain myself, though I need not to…

The reason why I decided to forego the immediacy of telling people of this truth is not only for me; but also for her. We were both going through a lot of things lately, and we are trying to avoid anything that would make matters worse. I admit, being here was not easy, but even if it’s hard, it was all worth it. If people would judge us on this, let it be. But I believe that for the both of us, as well as for the rest of the minority who understands the whole picture…I did the right thing.

If the truth, whether the whole or in part, needs to be known, let us know…we’ll fill you in. Nobody will ever give you what you ask in this…no one…except us.

What the?!

Just last Tuesday, my father texted me (since I’m in Canlubang) about them receiving a mail from the school. They received my grades from last semester. I just don’t know how or why they always get my grades before me, but no matter…I’m just happy that they’re getting to see what I’m trying to do to make myself better…in school.

I just noticed…from my former school…I never received flat 1’s for a grade…I can remember that I had 1.25 for P.E. (Karatedo) in my first year 2^nd semester and second year 2^nd semester. But here, in Don Bosco, I never thought I’ll even have one of that. First semester last year, I got 1, and for the following semester, I had 2.

Anyway, here’s what my parents received. I’m satisfied with this…and still, I’ll have to make myself better, right?

DON BOSCO COLLEGE

Final Grades: 2^nd Term, 2006-2007

STUDENT ID: 0607001

NAME: Afable, Kristoffer B.

COURSE: AB-Philo

YEAR: 4th Year

Subject Code	Subject Title	Units	Grade
Fil 002	Panitikang Filipino	3	1.75
HPL 102	Scholasticism of St. Thomas Aquinas ( History of Medieval Philosophy)	3	1.00
HPL 109	History of Contemporary Philosophy	3	1.00
LTN 122	Church Latin II	2	2.00
Phl 105	Philosophy of Science and Technology (Cosmology)	3	1.50
Phl 133	Seminar: Political Philosophy	3	1.50
RLT 008	Marriage and Family Life	3	1.75
		Average (GPA)	1.48

Lost and Time

I lost them…

People…I mean.

They’re not just ordinary people, but they’re my friends.

I am not sure why or how, but knowing this won’t make them come back.

Maybe, that is just what it must be

They can live their lives without me, maybe its time for me to do the same…

Farewell…

Time…

Everything will reveal itself in time…I’m sure of that.

assorted stuffs...

Being Busy…

Over the past weeks, I have been into different events and happenings, either here in school (where I’m writing this blogpost) and even back at home. But looking at things, I feel that I am much more active, but on the expense of being drained, here in school.

Seen either positively or negatively, I am still working as the VP-Internal for the College Department Student Council. Though I confess that I am not the same person working the past year, I still do my duties and responsibilities whenever I have the chance to. Also, I give time and adjust my schedules for such. I am not such when the next election would be, but I am sure I will be full of mixed feelings when that time comes.

One of the reasons why the SC Elections is still held up is because we are still revising the SC Constitution for the College Dept. Although there had already been an existing constitution before, it needs to be revised and reorganized to fit into the environment given here at school. Also, I am working on a graphic representation of the chain of authority for the SC, from the main line Council down to the particulars. Though this may be finished in such a short time, the presence of my academics (as well as with others’ schedules…I am not the only one working on it, k?), we are still unable to complete this job. But, somehow, we take pride in the fact that we’re moving.

Although I relieved myself of my responsibilities from the youth ministry back home, as well as my membership for the Singles group I have in Cubao, I still have some work back at home. You see, I am helping my mom in her homeworks and projects in her special classes in Ateneo (she decided to take a special course there). That is the reason why I make all my requirements, both for SC and academic, at school. That is sometimes why I feel, together with my 19 units here at school, I still have 15 more…hahaha! But I feel good about it…being busy rather than being lax. At least I know what my actions lead to.

Just last week, August 15-16 to be exact, the school hosted the 5^th Don Bosco Schools’ Student Leaders’ Assembly. We in the Student Council were tasked to organize the event, and sure it was tough. We were making ourselves really busy for the event and when the day came, there were a lot of last-minute changes that brought us into near panic. Among them was the number of participants, which from the original 300+, came to only 250 something; due to the inability of DB-Mandaluyong to come, primarily because of the typhoon. We were on the verge of giving up when the other schools showed up. The events went on smoothly, despite the heavy rains which crippled some of our plans. At the end of the first day’s activity, I was already drained, but still there are a lot of things to do…and I, as well as the rest of the college organizers, were awoke in the full two days of the event. Talk about having big eyebags!

With all of these that happened, and with all of the things coming my way, it was just a blessing that classes were suspended last Friday as well, and Monday was declared a holiday. I needed a break..and was given it. Whew!

Sometimes…I Just Can’t Understand

I actually admire people who subject their decisions into consideration…however, being irresolute is too much!

Have you ever encountered someone who is like this? I do. And it isn’t easy. Sometimes, you’re being dragged into it.

But, come to think of it, isn’t it hard to let go of something special, even if it hurts a lot?

Just asking.

Thoughts from Classes

Spirituality 101

In one of my classes in Theodicy, with regards to God’s Immensity, one of the metaphysical perfections God has, a common mistake was corrected with regards to some mistakes done in invocation to prayer. Honestly, even I am sometimes a prey for this mistake.

It is wrong to say that: “Let us put ourselves in the presence of the Lord”….

Why?

Why still ask for the presence of the Lord if He is already present? Let us remember, including myself, that God is so immense, that He contains everything; but is not contained in anything. He is ever-present in His creatures, whether size or location is being talked about.

Therefore, let us then say:”Let us always remember that we are in the Most Loving Presence of the Lord”…

Immutability vs. Creation and Incarnation

This is one, I am afraid of those questions in Theodicy that I, as well shared by my classmates, have a really hard time answering. Okay, we already answered the relation and question of the Immutability of God with regards to Creation. But how about Incarnation?

Before going to that, though, what is Immutability? It is a metaphysical perfection that belongs to God which radically denies any change whatsoever. And since God is immutable, He is only pure Actuality, without any potentiality, or change, whatsoever.

What was the answer with regards to Immutability vs. Creation? Let me take note that it was not I who gave the answer, nor even an idea leading towards the answer during our class last Monday. The answer goes somehow like this: God did not change, but the change is only attributed to Him by the human intellect. That is only extrinsic change. It did not affect His being, thus, he did not change altogether.

But the question now is, how about the mystery of the Incarnation? In this matter, God already had a change of being, from God to man, as justified by: “And the Word became flesh…”

I’ll post the answer when I have the chance to know…

Name, Claim, Tame, Aim Feelings

The thought is simple: Name your feelings, claim what you named…tame it, and aim it at something useful…

Simply said…really hard to do.

Not having the perfect one, but the right one…

“I can not have anything that’s perfect, that I know…

But that doesn’t deprive me of having the right one”

Though man has different perceptions what they conceive as “perfect”, the fulfillment of the word is never met. We thus only conceive of things that are beyond one’s satisfaction as perfect. In whatever phase or place we look into, there’s nothing perfect that is within our reach, well, except one.

All this time of my conscious life, I looked mostly on real things. I tried to be optimistic most of the time but it bites; and hurts a lot. I tried to be pessimistic at one point, yet it doesn’t fit me for the fact that there are still good things that happen in my life; even I cannot contest that. Thus, I places myself in the middle, not too much of either extremes. I am looking at the real deal now.

My premise at the beginning is somehow my realization over some things that transpired or came in my life, such as that of life, family, friends, vocation, affiliation, relationship and so much more.

I know…

I don’t have the perfect life, but what I am living right now is meant for me, thus I feel that somehow, this is the right life for me as a whole.

I don’t have the perfect family or relatives, but I have, as I believe, the right one…

I don’t have the perfect set of friends, but they are the right ones for me. Without them, would I be this way?

I don’t have the perfect calling. I fell and failed. But my present vocation seems to be the right one for me.

I don’t have the perfect membership in any group, some of them I turned down and left. But to those that I stayed into, I believe are the right ones for me.

I don’t have the perfect relationship; we still have our ups and downs. But that doesn’t deprive us of knowing and believing that what we have is the right one. I don’t have the perfect woman to love, but I sure have the right one.

Knowing these, and so much more about deprivation of perfection and achievement of just the right one, helped me to realize so much. These right ones that I have, for me, are somehow that I can call “perfect” in my own world.It may not fulfill its real thought, but right and “perfect” nonetheless…

scrambles

Epilogue of Dark Days

I decided to stop. Why? Personal reasons, maybe…

I just thought that it’s not healthy anymore what is happening (either real or perceived as such) due to actions and reactions with whatever my blogposts and others have caused either me or them. Thanks to a classmate of mine here in my school, who is an avid reader of my blog, I came to my senses of the effects that some of my blogs are causing.

I dare not judge other people’s blogs for this time. Actually, I have not and I decided that I will not. If my blogposts have created ill-feelings and ill-treatment to some or many, I apologize. I, and not this blog, am at fault. Honestly, some of these posted are negative (as some of the readers can already testify), and I am guilty as charged. This is an effect brought about my negativity coming from the subject of this blog, who is me. I had enough of negativity flowing in me, and sadly, sharing it with others.

This is not an act of cowardice. Nor this can be seen as an act of surrendering. What am I supposed to be coward of? What am I suppose to surrender to? I just felt, as well as decided, that this must stop. But that doesn’t guarantee, that everything will be in its usual place…it can never be.

With this, I end with…PEACE.

---

Being Away

I had been studying here in Don Bosco College-Canlubang for almost a year and a half now, and sadly, I will not able to graduate this coming school year. Having the details for that is not the subject of this blog, so let me just have it in another time.

Going back, there are times that I had been asking myself: “Why am I still like this? Why am I still sulking over the fact that I am far away from home?” Most of the people who know me also know that I had left home for the seminary after I graduated from elementary, and stayed there until the middle of the semester of my 7^th year (or third year college) in the formation. After that, I decided to study here in Laguna, when I had the opportunity to continue my studies.

I know…being away sucks. Though I had the hang of not being at home most of the time, this time is a lot different from before. Honestly, in the past, I did not have the chance to be close to my family. Now, it’s different. How much have I lost! And to think that it is the only concern I had, is wrong. I just realized lately that I had not known myself wholly as well! Too bad…

And also, I am sad over the fact that each and every time I have to leave for school; I leave someone special…behind. That is why I always look forward to coming home at the end of the school week…

Being away is hard…but I can still struggle and cope with it…I hope you do too.

Isang Pagkilala sa Sarili (Tagalog naman!)

Minsan, nakakatuwa na isipin na may mga pagkakataon na kung saan naipapagmalaki natin sa ating mga sarili na ang may kaalaman tungkol sa ating mga sarili ay ang ating mga sarili din. Madalas mangyari sa akin iyon. Ngunit, di lingid sa akin, nagiging sanhi din ito ng hindi pagkakakintindihan at sa kalaunan…tila darating tayo sa konklusyon na mali pala ang ating ipinagmamalaki.

Sa madami at tila sunod-sunod na pagkakataon na dumating iyon sa aking buhay, mga tanong ang tumatanim sa aking isipan. Nakakatuwa, ang mga tanong na nasa aking isipan ay tumugma sa mga tanong na nakasaad bilang gabay sa paggawa ng pagsalamin sa sariling ito.

Una, ang tanong na ukol sa mga pinahahalagahan. Ano nga ba ang mga bagay na pinahahalagahan ko? Ano ang mga bagay na isinasaalang-alang ko? Sa unang tingin, sobrang napakarami ng mga ito. Pinahahalagahan ko ang aking sarili, ang aking pamilya, ang kalayaan, dignidad, kapayapaan ng sarili, at kahit ang aking pakikibilang. Pinapahalagahan ko rin ang opinyon ng ibang tao, ngunit sa lebel lamang ng pananalamin sa aking sarili. Pinapahalagahan ko rin ang katotohanan, responsibilidad, pagtulong at komitment. Pinahahalagahan ko ang mga maliliit na bagay na bumubuo sa aking sarili, maging ito man ay panloob o panlabas lamang. Sa aking paniniwala, ang mga pinahahalagahan kong ito ay isa sa mga sangay kung saan nakikita ko at nakikilala ko ang aking sarili. Sabi nga ng iba: “Sabihin mo sa akin kung sino ang iyong mga kaibigan, at sasasbihin ko sa iyo kung sino ka”. Sa analohiyang ito, ang mga bagay na pinahahalagahan ko ay tila mga kaibigan na maaring magsalamin sa akin upang makita ko ang aking pagkatao at pagka-tao sa kabuuan.

Ano ang aking mga pinaniniwalaan? Sa pagtagal at pag-usad ng panahon, ang aking mga mababaw na paniniwala ay unti-unting nawala sa aking isipan, ngunit ang mga malalalim at mahahalagang paniniwala ay nanatili. Naniniwala ako na mayroong Diyos, na bagamat iba-iba ang katawagan, iisa pa rin. Naniniwala ako sa pag-ibig, na pinagmumulan ng kabutihan at nagpapalabas sa tunay na kulay ng isang tao. Naniniwala ako sa karapatan ng tao na maging malaya at matuto na gamitin ang isip, hindi lamang upang maabot at katotohanan, ngunit upang malaman din ang nilalaman ng isipan. Nainiwala ako sa kapatawaran ng kasalanan at pagkukulang, maging ito man ay sa sarili, o sa iba, o maaari rin naman sa DIyos. Naniniwala ako sa katotohan, na kahit ito man ay bunga ng iba’t-ibang paraan ng pagtuklas at pagkakaalam, ay iisa pa rin.

Ano- ano ang aking mga kailangan? Isa sa mga kinakailangan ko ay oras para sa aking sarili at sa mga bagay na pinahahalagahan ko. Nakakalungkot isipin, hindi ko ito nagagawa ng madalas. Kailangan ko rin ng pang-unawa sa minsang pagiging iba ng aking isipan at pagintindi ukol sa mga bagay-bagay na nangyayari sa aking kapaligiran. Kailangan ko ng mga tao na makikinig at makakintindi ng aking mga iniisip at nadarama. Kung sa pansarili naman ang pag-uusapan, kailangan ko ng kapayapaan ng isip, lalong matinding paniniwala sa kakayanan ko, at paniniwala sa ibang tao. Alam ko na matibay na ang aking paniniwala sa Diyos, ngunit kung hindi man lubos, nangangailangan pa rin ako ng tibay at tatag ng pananampalataya sa kanya. Minsan kasi, nararamdaman ko na tila umaalpas ang aking kamay sa kanyang pagkakahawak.

Sa lahat ng aking nabanggit, huli kong tanong sa sarili ko sa pagkakataong ito: Nasaan na nga ba ako? Sino na nga ba ako?

Ako ay isang nilalang, isang tao na patuloy na naglalakas sa napakahabang landasin ng buhay, na sa bawat liko ay nag-iisip kung saan ba ako nababagay na magpatuloy. Kakatuwa, minsan rin ay naitatanong ko sa sarili kung bakit ko nga ba napili ang daang dinaanan ko. Ngunit, kung ano man ang maihahandog sa akin ng aking pinili, alam ko na ito’y sa akin.

For Two Meddling People…Who Just Won’t Stop

You…

Honestly, I don’t really think you understand the situation. Then, I ask: are you innocent, or just ignorant? I am certain you are not innocent. Worse…you might be just making yourself ignorant…much more like a fool.

I pity you for being judgmental. You take things as what you see and judge them using your insufficient reason. You interpret things that happen as though you have the right to do so. And worse, you are doing that on people…lol.

I live my life, and so is the rest of this world…even you. Live your own; I don’t need someone who doesn’t even know how to ask me what’s going on, and just go on thinking what he wants to think.

What’s happening doesn’t always show on the things you plainly sense about. Understand between the actions and life, as reading between the lines. There are things that must be left as it is, and prying just to know these things isn’t going to help either you or me. What would you gain then, if you would know what you want to know? Isn’t it you judged it even before it was made known to you? What’s the sense? And if you would know what needs to be known, would you believe it? I don’t think so. You’ve already judged it before you could have understood it.

You’re too rash in your actions. But, if that’s the way you want it to be, I won’t stop you. Just don’t blame me if you’re gonna lose sight of the road, and hit something with full force. I tell you, you won’t even have the chance to survive. You might as well be dead…

Sounds morbid? I may be exaggerating…but for you, it isn’t impossible. Watch your step; you might be stepping on the wrong ground. And that…just might be the last one.

And for You…

Isn’t it funny that the person I thought to be that someone I could feel close to in the past would be the complete opposite? I mean…you. You think you’re so smart? You think you could actually be everyone’s eye-candy?

What you did placed the wall between us…and what you did just ended to become the knife I’m holding right now. Guess where would I use it? You don’t need to…I’ll tell you: it’s for you. What you did isn’t an act of concern…Does your nature include being meddlesome?

Don’t ever cross me…you would regret that I might just run you through…if you still can.

Ei, just a thought…if you think these are just empty words…

YOU DON’T KNOW ME! SO…BACK OFF!

Trip

When my family and I, together with some of our former neighbors and friends from Muntinlupa went to Nasugbu, Batangas last weekend, I thought that it was already late for a splash down cool (and skin-darkening) waters before hitting back to school. But, just as my father calls it: “Huling Hirit sa Tag-init: PACPOB” (PACPOB stands for Poon, Afable, Castro, POBlete), it wasn’t that late, though.

I told myself that day that I would only swim during the afternoon or towards nighttime, but I just bit my tongue when we arrived there I and saw how enticing the place was. We left the house past 6 in the morning and arrived a little near 4 hours after. What I hoped to be a short stint at the pool turned into several hours of swimming at the beach, while somehow imagining that I’m hearing Sandwich’s “Sunburn” song (while hoping that I won’t be having that). lol.

With this family event that I had, let me share some moments where I had the chance to think and realize some facts that somehow escaped my mind this whole summer…

1) When I had the chance to talk with Ouie, my kid neighbor, I was somehow dumbfounded with the answer he gave me. I asked him, “Bakit mo ginagawa yan? (pertaining to the sand castle he was making along the seashore) He plainly answered, “Wala lang. Gusto ko eh.”

The thought: Sometimes, things just can’t be complicated; they can be seen as they are. When I started to criticize almost everything that comes into my known world, I tend to complicate what can be seen as just plain and simple. Actually, I miss those times when I can just answer plainly. Right now, honestly, I tend to go to even the littlest detail I know as such to answer even a simple question asked to me…But I can’t help it. Things are not plain and simple anymore in my world.

2) A large (and I mean it) group of students from MAPUA (EE,ECE et al) went to the same resort where we were, I can’t help but wonder how some people end up like what some had. Surprisingly, I bumped into an old classmate of mine way back in high school, who happens to be a graduating student in that school.

The thought: It’s really surprising to reminisce memories of the past with someone you share it with. And somehow disappointing that you haven’t got the chance to share your present with that same person you shared your past with. But hey, this is a big world…I must go out and explore…

Humbling, simple, happy…

Ignorance and Innocence

There is a fine line, I believe, with these two words; which is somehow mistaken to be one as the other and vice versa. As I see it, the difference lies in the level of knowledge of something; that is, the degree of knowledge of a certain object subjected to the consciousness. Ignorance, I believe, is partial knowledge of something (but doesn’t deny the fact that one knows something about that something, but not of it as a whole). On the other hand, ignorance is total deficiency of knowledge about a certain object.

To further illustrate the difference: an educated man from the province visited the city. While waiting for someone who would show him around, he decided to buy a drink from a ‘palamig’ stand across the street. Knowing that he is already so thirsty and tired, he immediately crossed the street but was halted by a policeman. The ‘promdi’ (man from the province) asked for his violation, and the policeman bluntly answered him with ‘jaywalking’. Is this case a case of ignorance or innocence?

We cannot deny the fact that the term innocence is best described in the likes of infants and kids, or at some cases, with those who are deprived of sanity. But would that deprive a sane man of innocence as well? If so, then, those who are proclaimed ‘innocent’ at courts are thus otherwise? Furthermore, then, that means every man who is in good mentality are ‘at fault’ all the time?

What’s my point in this blog, then? Actually, this is just a reflection I had when I had the chance to know more about the metropolis. I can say that I am ignorant…yes, ignorant of the places where I have been into these past few days. I partially know these places; therefore I cannot say that I am innocent about these places where I have been into.

But hey! It’s a great thing I finally knew about those stuff!