I feel different kinds of emotions right now…
I cannot predict if what I feel now would still be the same…in a few hours, in a few days…and so on…
But what I can make sure of…is that what happened to me that day…September 24, will change my life forever…
I can recall a few weeks back before our immersion, I felt excited and anxious about it. I even prepared a small talk for the group that we will be with for that day, just as what my classmate asked me to do. (Sadly, though, I was not able to give it to them, due to time constraint). We were also asked to prepare something to give to the children of the SOS Children’s Village. All I had were some holy cards (stampitas) as well as a rosary. I thought that would be enough…but I was wrong.
I had been materialistic that time, in the sense that I was only thinking about the externalities that I may give to them. But two days before that date, I had a “reality check” (thanks to a co-seminarian), and realized some things that I would late be using in the immersion.
I understood that what we would do is not mandatory or obligatory, just because it is in our schedule, but it is more of a SERVICE.
I understood that when I will talk to them, I should remember that I cannot be in front of Him…He is the one we are trying to share, not ourselves.
I also understood that I must be the one who must go down to their level and understand them, not them to go up to understand me.
I also understood that I can never give them something that I myself do not have…if I do not have God in me, how can I give Him to them?
I understood that I am a vessel of God’s message to others, and I have to do it, not because of obligation; but because of love.
These are only some of what I understood back then.
The day came and before we left the seminary, our Prefect, Fr. Jay, gave us some guidelines and advices for what we will be doing the whole day. He reminded us that we must not take pride of who is speaking in front of the group. But above all, it is Him that we should give to the children, His Word and His Love. We are the messengers of God; we are the vessels of His Word.
I forgot to tell…I had some presumptions of what I would be seeing in the place where we will have our immersion. But some of those were wrong. Anyway…
I have to admit…I feel sorry for myself.
Also, I have to admit, I feel blessed as well because I was given the chance to share my life with them…
I feel sorry for myself that I was not able to get along well with them. I was so sad that I cannot completely commiserate with them. I feel so guilty that I cannot feel the pain that they had shared, just because I was not able to feel those when I was young. I never felt that I was rejected by my parents, or even abandoned. I was not able to feel the cruelties of the adults, or being someone who’s begging in the dangerous streets, where passing vehicles passed by. I was not able to feel extreme poverty and hunger…I wasn’t able to feel the pain and sorrow that they had felt.
I can recall one boy who shared his story with us. He said that when they were young, they were not poor. Eventually, they dropped and his mother left them, while his father ended up begging in the streets. We asked him if he still wants to see his parents, and he answered that he only want to see his father. How about his mother? He told us that he hate his mother! I felt a stab in my heart hearing that. I understand that he felt that because his mother left them and had another family, but hating won’t change it. However, I do not want to sound like a hypocrite to him, so I just listened, and deep inside, I can only say, “I understand…I am here…God is here…”
On the other hand, I feel blessed that I had the chance to see and feel what it’s like to be with them, and to be somewhat like them. Those hours that we spent in the SOS Children’s Village were so meaningful and fruitful. We had our share of laughs, joys and jokes. But we also had times when we had to sit down, be quiet and reflect on God’s Word.
With that immersion, I came to realize that this is what I would do in the future. I will serve God and the other, in any way I can, and in every opportunity I have. Just like the house aunts and uncles are doing to their “children”, I would also do to the children of God. This is just a preview of what I hope to be. Oh! How I long to see the day when I can be a PRIEST!
This immersion we had gave me the strength to persevere in my vocation. It would be hard, I know. But with the help of God, as well as memories such as our immersion, I know I can make it. I just hope, at present, that I was able to impart to them Christ, because they have given a lot to me!
