I can be autocritical at times…I’m aware, don’t worry

“If it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing right.
If it’s not worth doing right, it’s not worth doing at all.
If it can’t be done right, do something else you can do right instead.”

-Anonymous

I encountered this maxim from my mother’s Executive Digest way back the 1980’s, displayed in our ancestral home in Laguna. I believe it’s a lesson against mediocrity and the lax attitude of people, and that includes me.

I need not to dwell so much with this, it speaks for itself.
Whatever the interpretation I have of it can be different from others, from time to time, and depending on the circumstance.

This blog’s kind of short…
What should I do, go on with something that says what it really means right in front of my face?
I’d better do more things that I can do right, right?

Without the Sword’s Slash

“You don’t have to carry the burden by yourself
Let your friends take some of your pain, and the resolve that goes with it!
Did you ever think about how everyone around you felt while you tried to carry everything on your own?
I know someone who didn’t like to rely on others, just like you
In the end, he was weaker than everyone else!”

These lines were taken from the Bleach Movie 2: The Diamond Dust Rebellion. I can somehow relate to these lines spoken by Substitute Shinigami (Death God) Kurosaki Ichigo to 10th Squad Shinigami Captain Hitsugaya Toushirou, who seemed to have abandoned his squad to move through his personal agenda (watch the movie and you’ll see).

With that aside, I can be seen as both the person speaking those lines and the person spoken to with it. There are times when I want to tell people, especially those close to me, to share with me their pains, sufferings or anything negative; as well as anything contrary to it. However, that being something wanted remains at it is, and never reached fruition. I must also consider the fact that letting the person do as he/she wishes is the best thing to do in certain situations.

I have friends, but I can say that they (or even me, honestly) changed. Some went through their lives…on a different pace, on a different path…a path where I am not a part of. I can say that I did the same. Sometimes I realize that the best for me is to think about people who had been parts of my past remain as such, and that was a lesson taught to me by someone.

But for those who are still there (either physically or in thought), especially those who I still have the chance to talk to, listen to, and be with, I try my best to let them know that I am still here; whatever the circumstances may be. Moreover, I let them know that I am not only here, but that they can always come to me whenever they want to, or whatever they wish to let me be a part of. I am a barkada to some, an acquaintance to others, and an older brother to many.

For those times that I was somehow the one spoken to with those li`nes, I can remember that I felt that I am better off without others; that I can do everything on my own. I thought I can face my own problems, deal with my own downfalls and sufferings and just be happy by myself whenever something good comes along. I was wrong, and I realized it when I met my girlfriend. I can remember sometime in the past when she told me that I was strong in a world where only I live; and when I am already out of it, I am the weakest person. Then I realized that though there may be times that people may seem to be more of a burden than a help to me, them being there could mean so much after all.

With all of these said, I realized that I can never be the person that I am now without those people that I had shared my life with, and had shared their lives with me. Whatever the chances, places, people, times and even experiences that I was opened up to…made me the person I was, makes me the person that I am now, and will make me the person that I’ll be.

negativity

It has been months since I posted something in this blog. One or more reasons would never be made as an excuse on why it happened, period.

Just a few updates on what happened to me during my “digital/blog” absence…

Since my last post (August), I had encountered one hurdle after another, and one particular hurdle that I am had was the moment my girlfriend broke up with me. Yah, we’re back to each other as of the moment, but that doesn’t erase the fact that it happened. Moreover, it left us both with wounds to heal, as well as lessons to learn.

Sometimes, I just can’t understand myself. Why do I still have to suffer a lot for me to learn? Why do I have to experience being slammed in the face with the unbridled truth just to realize that I am wrong? Why can’t I accept things at the very moment they’re given to me? With the attitude that I have right now, I have doubts if I am worthy of what is given me…

I’ve made wrong choices and decisions in my life, and these not only affect me, but others as well. What I always resent with myself if that when these things happen, others suffer; if not with me, because of me. Maybe I am just being punished for everything that I did wrong, with myself and with others.

Whatever consequences I have to face because of my stupidity and ignorance, I have to face. Yah, even if I don’t want it. Maybe, I just don’t learn from what it seems like a “broken record”…

...

do what you're supposed to do,
don't just brag about it

and by the way...

the next time that i would not be given justice
is the last time...

you know what i mean

After the Storm…

From that misunderstanding that my girlfriend and I had, I was able to realize a lot of things:

1. There is still a lot to learn from one another. Though we are already a year and a couple of months together now, there is still a lot to learn. There are still a lot of misunderstandings to face, conflicts to solve, and differences to be aware of. I admit that I thought I already know my girlfriend fully, so much so that I most of the time try to predict what she’s thinking, and then end up wrong. With that, we end up having little quarrels, which then turn into bigger ones…which then deal more damage to our relationship.
2. There has to be room for understanding, especially coming from me. I am guilty of trying to rationalize anything and everything, so much so that I do not believe in anything happening having no reason at all. Sometimes, I think I just have to believe in her more, more than I used to. I also have to understand that both she and I have a lot of difference at this point in time, especially when academics is the topic. I have to understand that she needs more time now with everything’s she’s doing at school, even though that would mean that our time together would be sacrificed. If until now, I would not be able to understand and accept that, then maybe there is really something big and wrong about me.
3. There has to be more acceptances of circumstances, also especially coming from me. I have to accept the fact that we are not the same, and I have to deal with that difference. Why does it have to come to this that I came to realize that our relationship is more of dynamic (changing) than static (status quo)? That dynamicity of our relationship, if not steered well, may turn into something disastrous, for us (like what almost happened with us now). I need to understand, more than knowing, that the fact that we’re different and that our relationship’s changing, that I need to get out of my shell and be more accepting of everything that would come in our way. if I cannot do that, then there’s got to be something really wrong about me.
4. I have to quit being a wisecrack and over-acting in the circumstances where I am not needed to be as such. Just last night, after we had another quarrel, I asked myself “Why is it so hard for me to accept things as it is?” She told me the reasons why she was unable to connect or contact me last Wednesday, but I realized that it is me who found it so hard to just accept (then over-react) to what she said. It’s not that I did not believe her, but it’s just that I saw that there was a chance to do it, but it wasn’t done. She was looking at more important things, and this has to happen just for me to understand that. I feel sorry for myself. Much more, I am in constant asking for apology with my girlfriend.

Baby, I am really sorry.

By this moment, we’re now okay…We sure hope and pray it would always stay this way.

Being Proud, and Being Sorry

Just last Wednesday (July 23), my girlfriend was able to receive an award from her school. She ranked #1 Dean’s Lister in her batch and #5 in the whole school.

All that I can say is with that: I am so proud of her.

She told me how people from her school congratulated her and even cheered for her during the ceremonies. It was just too bad that I wasn’t there, nor I was able to greet her personally after that. She became too busy after the ceremonies that she was not able to have the time to tell me what happened. Her migraine towards the afternoon also came in the wrong time. This caused quite a big misunderstanding between us; big in the sense that we were not in good terms for more than two days. It was my fault actually, and I admit it.

Baby…I am sorry. I am really sorry.

After a Long Time

When was the last time that I had the chance to sit down by myself and think?

Why is it that when I am already relatively free from my academic responsibilities that I have the least time to stop and have some time to be aware of what’s happening around me, and moreover, within me?

Is it because that I am making myself available to others more than I give myself my availability?

Is it because that I am just being lazy, knowing that I have more time to give myself some slacking off?

Maybe I am just taking a rest. For quite some time, I am so concerned of others around me that I end up almost without any time for myself. I find it hard within me to give myself, or what I can do, to someone in need. Sometimes I end up asking, “is it because I had enough of the feeling of being rejected, that I wish not to be the subject inflicting or the object inflicted with it?” or “is it just because I choose to do it, since I do not have much to do?”

But honestly speaking, I feel that there are people who just take advantage of my present condition. Sometimes, it just can’t be helped. Though I know the difference of doing something voluntarily and being asked/forced to do something, I sometimes end up being a “forced volunteer”. How? Live my life…you’ll see.

This is just describing how I feel. I am not complaining.

this test tells that i'm...

this test tells that i'm...

random thoughts...

I saw you, and I am definitely sure you saw me.

I tried to connect to you, but I was taken aback by your cold stare.

I never walked away from you, much more leave you.

I never left you.

But maybe my absence makes you feel left behind.

I’m sorry, but please understand…I tried…

=====

I understand that it is wise at some time that you’ll be praised by what you do.

Just take into mind that maybe…I say maybe,

That you’ll serve for the sake of it alone.

Just like them.

=====

I learned from Confucius that one must do what he is supposed to do.

If a carpenter, do carpentry.

If a teacher, teach.

If a doctor, heal the sick.

Though this does not stop one from doing other things,

Doing other things is far different than hoarding them all,

Even those not one is supposed to do.

=====

I have been disillusioned with the fact that we can never be what we used to be.

After seeing you and being with you for a while,

I’ve been struck with that sad fact.

Can we be better? Or just let ourselves fall to ruin?

I thought making you do things on your own would make you happy, making you find your own life…since you’re growing

But when I’m trying to come back, why push me away?

=====

A BELATED POST

A few days back, my girlfriend and I are into our 1 year and 1 month being together. And just yesterday, my Ate Paloy (from the States) congratulated me for that wonderful feat. She was telling me that I sure was blessed, more than lucky, for having such a girlfriend as her. Thanks Ate…I just hope you’re here to know her.

I owe the success of our relationship (so far) more to her, and I never fail to see that she’s doing everything that she can for us. Honestly, I am acting like a jerk at many times, but she’s always there to knock some sense out of me (which is good, thanks baby).

I love her so much! :*

(Well, that one may be short, she knows the rest…and that’s what matters)

RANDOM THOUGHTS

It has been again quite some time since I had the change to write (or type) my thoughts here. I owe it to the fact that I was somehow busy minding about what’s going to happen a few months from now…the moment of truth for philosophy students, that is. I was busy preparing my reviewers and everything related to it, that I never had the chance to sit and think about everything that’s happening in me, outside of me, and everything in between.

At the start of the school year, I decided to move out from the dormitory where I used to live for two years, for reasons that are most unpractical for me. Though I moved to a place a little far from the school, I enjoy those afternoon walks going back there and having little chances for exercise.

I somehow pity myself that I a left now with only 6 units to complete (minus the thesis), but that would be all taken care of in due time. There is one thing that I am sure of; I’m going to graduate this school year, no matter what.
====
I just realized more that no matter how hard I try to talk to people and suggest on how they carry on with their problems, all I can do is such. As its term suggest means, that’s all that I can do. I may be able to influence people, but that is all that there is to it. They still have the decision all for themselves.

I am not saying that I want to control their lives. There are just times that I believe that I know what’s best, and I’m trying to prevent whatever bad that may come…I am just concerned. I am so fed up in seeing people close to my heart getting hurt over and over again. If I could just take it all in myself…I would gladly do so.

I never really believed in superstitions, but one struck me. Our house-helper noticed a mole on my shoulder, and told me, “Kawawa ka naman kuya, pasan mo ang mundo”. Maybe I do…

====

I’ve always tried to look at the positive points in life that is in front of me. But I do not disillusion myself to the point that I choose not to see the rest. I am honestly getting myself in the line of hurt for many times so that I could prevent others from feeling it as well. Maybe I have this talent of seeing all possible consequences of me and other’s decisions, and I try to decide on all of them before they even come. I try to keep a smiling face and a happy attitude in front of others so that they won’t feel pity for me.

In this short life of mine, I just want people to remember me as someone who, “loves not much but well”.

Losing “Friends”

“Hindi ako manhid at hindi rin ako tanga para hindi ko maramdaman and nangyayaring sa paligid ko“.

I never had the luxury of friends, I know. Ever since I was a kid, I just had a handful, and this handful even fades away, one after the other. Yes, I have a lot of friends, in its general term. However, for those people who remain true to what a friend really is…they’re just a few.

From my former home in Muntinlupa, the only people I can really call friends until now are not more than equivalent to all the number of the fingers in my hands.

From my former companions in the seminary, where I spent 7 years of my life, almost everyone completely forgot that I exist.

From my friends at my religious community, do they still remember me?

And from where I am now, can someone please tell me?

I can’t blame them. And I choose not to. Maybe it’s my fault too. Or rather, I believe that it’s partly my fault why I’m losing them. But I won’t admit to such nonsense that spoke of that I’m pushing people away.

I find it weird that I have a lot of friends in sites such as Friendster or Multiply. But are they, really, my friends? Maybe, some of them were…How about right now?

Questions in my head, some of them, popped out like: “Is it because that I’m not with you anymore, that you treat me like a stranger?” or “Is it because that we had crossed each other out that we’re both not open to mend?” But one of the things that I am asking myself right now is, “Do they really see me as a friend, or someone/something else?”

I try to reach out as best as I can, but right now, I am hesitating if what I’m doing still has of any worth. I want, and try, to connect once more to the people that I had been with, to be a friend once more to them.

I cannot stand alone. And I choose not to.

This may be my weakness, but I accept it.

Before, That Day, and on the Same Day

What Came Before…

Before I share almost everything that transpired during my birthday, here’s what happened a few days before:

May 16-17: Almost all members of the family, minus my brother, went to Laguna (my father’s province) to celebrate my grandmother’s 90^th birthday. My father, along with some other relatives, made this as a surprise to our grandmother. When we arrived, I was surprised that someone from the extended family made a tarpaulin of my grandmother (actually, just her face) with a younger body, set in a beach (wow! my grandmother in a bikini? my deceased grandfather might wake up from the dead and dress her upJ) Anyway, only about half of the whole clan came, considering it was a Friday, but the party was great. I was tasked to take the video of the whole thing, much to the enjoyment of one of my cousins who wants me to take a picture of her with the town’s parish priest (what?! anyway, just let it be )

After the celebration ended around 9 in the evening, it was time for some fun for the big boys. There were two groups: the “old” and the “not so old”. I joined the latter and started drinking and singing (with the videoke) the night away. We ended at around 2 in the morning of the next day, with me still sober and wanting more. Anyways, with everyone asleep, there’s no fun in it. My family left Laguna for home before lunchtime.

May 17-18: We arrived a little before 1 in the afternoon and took our lunch at home. After we had rested for about two hours, we left again for Batangas. This is to remember my grandfather in my mother side’s passing away a year ago. Nothing much happened the night we arrived there, but it was sure crowded the next day, especially since my relatives also decided to have a reunion of their clan at the same time. Of course, I was still given the task to be the videographer of all that happened there. We left before dinner and arrived home at around 9 in the evening.

==================

My Birthday, as well as…

May 19: I woke up early in the morning, though I slept late the night before (my girlfriend was the first one to greet me for this special day at around 12 midnight…THANKS BABY!) Anyway, considering that it was Monday, I decided to have a little celebration at dinnertime, when everyone’s home already. My sister is going to work, while my parents went on leave from work to rest….A little fast-forward to 3 in the afternoon (why? you’ll know), I came back home and rested for a while, then ordered pancit palabok for dinnertime. I thought there would be no cake but we ended up with two for the night: one was from my mother, and the other came from my sister’s boyfriend (thank you…thank you). I was quite sad that my girlfriend was not there for dinner (why again? you’ll know…read on). It was a simple dinner with the family, but I believe it quite catches up to the definition of celebration. I want to thank everyone who remembered me on my birthday. I know I don’t have the luxury of friends, but I know that I have those who are up to the real meaning of a friend.

Here’s a quick rundown of everyone (besides my family) who greeted me on my birthday, in order (as a sign of gratitude):

Through text message:

My Baby Joan (my girlfriend…the one and only)

Cybill (a very good friend way back elementary)

Lalaine (childhood friend, schoolmate back in elementary)

Ate Shadow (My Baby Joan’s sister-in-law)

Ate Irma (my cousin from Laguna)

Ate Ivy (my cousin from Batangas)

Angeline (also a very good friend way back elementary)

Patricia/ Trixie (a very good friend in the youth ministry)

Coycoy (another cousin from Laguna)

Ate Rhoda (still my cousin from Laguna)

Alfred (my best buddy from Muntinlupa, also a schoolmate from elementary)

Tita Shirley (my tita from Batangas)

Jenny (good friend from the youth ministry)

Fatima (my friend from Batangas)

Through the Internet (Friendster, Multiply, YM):

Aldin (my former classmate from the seminary)

Ate May (my cousin from Laguna)

Yahweh (my classmate from elementary)

Bro. Jomar (my friend from Don Bosco)

Sr. Gener (my former superior in the Student Council)

Naiza (my buddy and former boss in the Student Council)

D.A. and Vic (friends from the youth ministry)

Ate Jaisa (my ate in the youth ministry)

Again, thanks a lot guys and gals for remembering…and making it more special for me. My prayers for all of you.

==================

Me and My Girlfriend’s First Anniversary

The same day, May 19: Considering that my girlfriend would be having her finals the next day, she made and I accepted her decision not to come at my house for dinner with the family. She needs to study, I know. Anyway, with my birthday comes our first year anniversary. Still, I thank the Lord for making us strong and faithful to each other for all this time. We both pray for everything that we need to have successful individual and shared lives.

I was touched most by how she shared even a little time of that day for me. She asked me if we can go out for a while to celebrate. I accepted her suggestion, and we went to SM Southmall. She was with me when I bought a present to myself (a laptop backpack). She was somehow sorry that she wasn’t able to give me something, but I told her that everything’s fine…her presence and ever-growing love for me was more than enough. We window-shopped to look for shoes that she would buy the next time we go there, and ate lunch at Tokyo Tokyo. We also had fun with arcades at Tom’s World (our favorite pastime at Southmall) and came back home a little before 2 in the afternoon. I stayed there for a while. Before I left, my girlfriend handed over an envelope to me, and read the letter inside it on the way home. Yes, we still write letters to each other. With that, I can say that that letter completed my day…even before it actually ended.

To my dearest girlfriend, Joan:

A year had passed since the moment we came to be closer and more intimate with each other…and I am looking forward to spending and living my life with you. Whatever happens…happens. As long as we’re together, I think everything’s going to be fine. We may have problems along the way, but we’ll manage. I may have said so many things, but this, I hope you’ll always feel and remember: I LOVE YOU. How much? How long? Just let me prove it to you.

just a simple realization...

for a certain event in my life, i saw that...

when i left, i was forgotten and left behind
seems like everyone forgot about me, or chose to do so
thus, i realized that there is nothing to come back to...

if you only know the reason behind
you may see that there is more than what meets the eye
much more, your eyes in what you're seeing...right now

Waiting for that time to come…

Just today, I celebrated with my girlfriend the 11 months that we had been officially together. Next month, on my birthday, we’ll be having our anniversary. And I thank the Lord for this day (as I always do every day), and much more, I thank the Lord for the strength and continuing guidance He provided us to still be together and in love with each other.

I fetched her in her house at around 9 in the morning and left a little before 10. We went to SM Southmall and roamed around for a little less than 2 hours. We ate our simple lunch together at the foodcourt and went to the cinema. We decided to have some laughs to digest our lunch, so we watched “Superhero Movie”; and as expected, after the movie, we felt hungry again (haha…) I bought her something to drink on the way home, and arrived back to her house at around 4 in the afternoon.

A simple and happy day it was for the both of us, but it was not like that every day…

This past week, for example. We had a lot of misunderstandings, small quarrels and even empty senseless arguments with each other; most of the time was caused by me. From a single complaint such as her not texting me whenever she can, to an argument caused by her not telling me to who she is communicating to; and some others.

Yes, of all those times, we argued and argued to the point that either or both of us would end up crying. And also, for all those times, I ask myself, “What’s happening to me? What’s wrong with me? Am I still afraid of the past?”

But, for all those times that I doubt myself, my worthiness to her and to the joy of the relationship that we’re sharing, she always lets me know that, “Everything’s going to be fine, I’m always here for you. I love you so much”.

There were times that I tell myself, though not in a boastful manner, that she’s lucky to have me. Now, I see myself as wrong. I realized and had completely understood that I’m lucky that I have her. Moreover, I am blessed that I am with her, and she is with me. I love my girlfriend so much.

I just wish that when we’re ready, we can really be together…forever.

Collection of Experiences

It had been quite a while since I last visited and jotted some thoughts to this blog. I had been busy these past few days, for a month or so. Ever since I arrived back home from Canlubang last March 15, I had been given the duty as “temporary” househelper of the house; considering that our helper went home to Bicol for her vacation. She deserves her break, I understand. And as for my part, I need to contribute to the welfare of the house and the family in any way I can, right? (Considering that I’m a member of it)

Some of the scattered experiences I had during that time until the present (some of those that I can remember) are as follows (in enumeration):

• Had my mother’s birthday the next day after I arrived, and I pushed myself not to sleep though tired to make a simple birthday gift to her (a birthday card)
• Been in charge of the whole house, and experiences only short day-offs during the Sunday afternoons from 5 in the afternoon until around 9 in the evening to be with my girlfriend for mass and dinner at her place (I felt like Cinderella with a short time then J)
• Cleaning the whole place, inside and outside the house, in a scheduled basis rotating twice for the whole week.
• Be in charge of two of my brothers (one older, the other younger than me), who are considered as the most disorganized when the house is the topic. Whenever they leave a certain area, I have to be sure that it is placed back in order or else…haha
• Cooking simple dishes for lunch and dinner, especially when my parents tell me to. They would call me up in the afternoon to give me instructions on what to cook and how to cook it.
• Was able to visit our old house in Muntinlupa and gave the old grotto there a “new look” (I repainted the whole of it, using a set of small brushes for detail)
• Went home to Laguna to be in our family’s traditional Holy Week observance there. Unfortunately, only my dad and I went there.
• Was able to survive the mountain of clothes to be washed when our labandera didn’t arrive when she had to. I washed the family’s 7 days worth of clothes and others with the help of the good old washing machine and my hands. My hands still hurt until now (jokes!)

There’s still a lot more, and I’ll post them next time. No one can tell me that I was a slacker during vacation, right? J

makes me whole...(a song dedicated to my girlfriend)

i would like to dedicate this song to my girlfriend for our 10 months together...

for my girlfriend...
whatever the future holds for us, i know we'll always be together...for better or for worse
i love you so much...and you know the rest

Makes Me Whole by Amel Larrieux

Darling I want you to listen
I stayed up all night, so I can get this thing right
And I don't think there's anything missing
Cause a person like you, made it easy to do
I've waited for so long, to sing to you this song

Cause your eyes are the windows to heaven
Your smile could heal a million souls
Your love completes my existence
You're the other half that makes me whole
You're the only other half that makes me whole

I think the angels are your brothers, yeah
They told you about me, said you're just what she needs
And I find myself thanking your mother
For giving birth to a saint
My spirit flies when I say your name
If there's one thing that's true
It's that I was born to love you

Cause your eyes are the windows to heaven
Your smile could heal a million souls
Your love completes my existence
You're the other half that makes me whole
You're the only other half that makes me whole

You make my dreams
Come true over and, over again
And I honestly truly believe
You and me are written in the stars
I live my whole life through
To giving thanks to you

Cause your eyes are the windows to heaven
Your smile could heal a million souls
Your love completes my existence
You're the other half that makes me whole
You're the only other half that makes me whole

:)

WHAT MY NAME MEANS :))

What Kristoffer Afable Means


You are a seeker of knowledge, and you have learned many things in your life.
You are also a keeper of knowledge - meaning you don't spill secrets or spread gossip.
People sometimes think you're snobby or aloof, but you're just too deep in thought to pay attention to them.

You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.
You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.
You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.
You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.
You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong.
You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know.
You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do.

You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life.
You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home.
You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble.

You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life.
You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you.
At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself.

You are loving, compassionate, and ruled by your feelings.
You are able to be a foundation for other people... but you still know how to have fun.
Sometimes your emotions weigh you down, but you generally feel free from them.

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.
You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.
At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.
You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.
You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You are full of energy. You are spirited and boisterous.
You are bold and daring. You are willing to do some pretty outrageous things.
Your high energy sometimes gets you in trouble. You can have a pretty bad temper at times.

You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.
You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily.
Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.

:)) would you agree?

My Christmas Vacation

…was great! Though, short, I believe that the last Christmas vacation that I had was the greatest so far. Let me share what happened on some days for that duration from December 22 to January 6:

December 22, 2007- after last night’s activity (College Christmas Party), I went back home for some Christmas shopping rush. I went home with my laptop bag and an additional baggage: a guitar that I won the previous night (Why Lord?! I don’t even know how to use it?)Those were not for me, though; but for my family. Ever since we transferred to our home in Parañaque, it has been our tradition to have “exchange gifts” for Christmas. This will be the third year, I guess. I was with my Baby Joan (my girlfriend) and we went to SM Southmall and spent the whole day there, some shopping and arcades at Storyland made our day.

December 24-I went together with my family for the yearly Christmas Eve Mass, and celebrated Christmas Day together at the strike of 12 in the midnight (thus, the next day). I gave my presents to everyone at home: a Spoof T-shirt for Daddy (with the “League of Pogi Gentlemen design), a book for Mommy (I believe she could use that in her counseling career), bags for both my sister and brother, two (2) PSP games for our youngest brother, and a bag as well for our Ate Ning (our helper).

December 25- unlike the previous years, where out relatives from the province would come to us for Christmas (from either side), this Christmas was quite a quiet one. It was just a simple day with the family. I went out in the afternoon to go to mass with my Baby Joan and after that, had a simple Christmas dinner with her family, then went immediately home for my own family’s Christmas dinner.

December 31- still, I went together with my family to the New Year’s Eve Mass, at the same time as the Christmas Eve Mass. Earlier that evening, our relatives from Bataan arrived to spend New Year with us (our Tito from her in his short vacation from his work in Dubai). Quarter time before the midnight of the New Year when all lights and electricity of our place went out. We didn’t know if there had been a mishap somewhere or it was just to avoid such mishap. Thus, we welcomed the New Year in darkness, but with the illumination and fading light of the fireworks up in the sky. Electricity went back at around 1:15 in the morning, as the lights and sounds show of the fireworks slowly died away. Me and my cousins (Ivy and Aiza) just took our chances with the videoke until about 4 in the morning.

Oh, by the way, it’s my Dad’s birthday as well (New Year’s Day).

January 1, 2008- the New Year shares the same day as my Dad’s birthday. When I woke up two hours after my sleep at 4 o’clock in the morning, I helped out with the preparations and at lunchtime, visitors and relatives from both sides of the family poured in. Total mayhem situation at hand, but we prevailed. After the day, the house is still at one piece, though some things were not. The most difficult part of my Dad’s celebration, I believe, was the cleanup. While Ate Ning (our helper) was busy in the kitchen, I was moving and cleaning about with the rest of the house: from the Kubo, to the Family Room, to the Dining Room as well as all the rooms where our visitors and relatives stayed for the day. At the end of the day, I just found out (sarcastic tone >:D) that my whole body’s aching.

But the most difficult thing that happened that day was…I was not able to go to mass with my girlfriend. I was stuck at home, while she decided to go with her family for that once-in-a-blue moon opportunity that they go to mass together. Anyway, I have to understand right?

January 4- both me and my Baby Joan (my girlfriend) decided to go to First Friday Mass, considering the fact that we still don’t have classes yet. After that, we went to the salon for my extended Christmas gift for her: Hair Relax. It was kind of boring, considering that I don’t have anything to do in that place (well…except watching the hairdresser work on my girlfriend’s hair), and maybe watch some stupid show in the TV. After that, we went for a while to our house for some scanning errand her father asked her to do. Then we went to her house and spent some hours there. Just a simple day with an extraordinary person, I believe.

Just a simple period in time, but made extraordinary by the things that we do, experience and learn. I sure learned a lot from this vacation. I know.

belated posts...not been bloggin' lately

Serenity Prayer

I liked this prayer for the reason that it fits whatever that had transpired in my life in the past, happening at the present, and would happen in the future. I want to give some thought on it, especially its first part…

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“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference…” The first line had been the eye-catcher for me in the sense that it struck me. I came to ask myself these questions: “What are the things that I would have wanted to change, but was unable to do so? that I was able to? What and where lies the difference?”

I was the Vice-President for Internal Affairs of the College Department of Don Bosco-Canlubang. Honestly, I was really idealistic when I first came into position. Considering that I was just a transferee then, I asked myself, “How can I lead, if I don’t know how? How can I lead them, if I don’t know them?” Yet for a year and a half of serving in that position, I came to realize, that there’s more to it than meets the eye.

I was a new student in that school back then, so I have struggled to learn much about almost anything that I need and have to know about my duties and responsibilities. I was new to the environment you know. I came from a former school a lot different from where I am now. Also, I tried my best to be optimistic most of the times; even if there’s no more reason for it.

When I came to the position, I have so much in mind: plans, proposals, ideas, activities and many more; all for the benefit of the students; who I promised to serve. But as I proceeded with my term of office, I came to realize that not all of those that I had in mind can be real. I wasn’t able to accept them at first, and was willing to fight for what I believe if I was given a chance.

But then, there were also times when I had the chance to see my plans through; to change the things that I knew I can. However, I cowered and displaced myself on one corner, having the thought that even if I knew I can, it won’t succeed.

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Collection of thoughts to reflect this New Year:

At the end of the previous year, I was able to encounter some words which I thought to be best for me as my guiding thoughts for the year. Some of which are the following:

From Rene Descartes…

It is not enough to have a good mind. The main thing is to use it well.

The Zero Fallacy…

The fact that it is limited doesn’t mean that there is none.

The fact that it is not seen doesn’t mean it’s not there.

The fact that it is unnoticeable doesn’t mean it can’t hurt of affect you.

A message at the beginning and as the semester continues…

“Whatever life you discover at the margins, must be verified and tested at the center”

Another thought…

Are the questions that are most needed to ask are the questions not being asked in the first place?

And when it is asked, is it answered?

Are things asked that are not answered, not answered because one cannot? Or one does not want?

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I THINK THERE’S SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME…

BUT STILL, I CANNOT SINGLE THAT PROBLEM OUT…