Not having the perfect one, but the right one…

“I can not have anything that’s perfect, that I know…

But that doesn’t deprive me of having the right one”

Though man has different perceptions what they conceive as “perfect”, the fulfillment of the word is never met. We thus only conceive of things that are beyond one’s satisfaction as perfect. In whatever phase or place we look into, there’s nothing perfect that is within our reach, well, except one.

All this time of my conscious life, I looked mostly on real things. I tried to be optimistic most of the time but it bites; and hurts a lot. I tried to be pessimistic at one point, yet it doesn’t fit me for the fact that there are still good things that happen in my life; even I cannot contest that. Thus, I places myself in the middle, not too much of either extremes. I am looking at the real deal now.

My premise at the beginning is somehow my realization over some things that transpired or came in my life, such as that of life, family, friends, vocation, affiliation, relationship and so much more.

I know…

I don’t have the perfect life, but what I am living right now is meant for me, thus I feel that somehow, this is the right life for me as a whole.

I don’t have the perfect family or relatives, but I have, as I believe, the right one…

I don’t have the perfect set of friends, but they are the right ones for me. Without them, would I be this way?

I don’t have the perfect calling. I fell and failed. But my present vocation seems to be the right one for me.

I don’t have the perfect membership in any group, some of them I turned down and left. But to those that I stayed into, I believe are the right ones for me.

I don’t have the perfect relationship; we still have our ups and downs. But that doesn’t deprive us of knowing and believing that what we have is the right one. I don’t have the perfect woman to love, but I sure have the right one.

Knowing these, and so much more about deprivation of perfection and achievement of just the right one, helped me to realize so much. These right ones that I have, for me, are somehow that I can call “perfect” in my own world.It may not fulfill its real thought, but right and “perfect” nonetheless…

scrambles

Epilogue of Dark Days

I decided to stop. Why? Personal reasons, maybe…

I just thought that it’s not healthy anymore what is happening (either real or perceived as such) due to actions and reactions with whatever my blogposts and others have caused either me or them. Thanks to a classmate of mine here in my school, who is an avid reader of my blog, I came to my senses of the effects that some of my blogs are causing.

I dare not judge other people’s blogs for this time. Actually, I have not and I decided that I will not. If my blogposts have created ill-feelings and ill-treatment to some or many, I apologize. I, and not this blog, am at fault. Honestly, some of these posted are negative (as some of the readers can already testify), and I am guilty as charged. This is an effect brought about my negativity coming from the subject of this blog, who is me. I had enough of negativity flowing in me, and sadly, sharing it with others.

This is not an act of cowardice. Nor this can be seen as an act of surrendering. What am I supposed to be coward of? What am I suppose to surrender to? I just felt, as well as decided, that this must stop. But that doesn’t guarantee, that everything will be in its usual place…it can never be.

With this, I end with…PEACE.

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Being Away

I had been studying here in Don Bosco College-Canlubang for almost a year and a half now, and sadly, I will not able to graduate this coming school year. Having the details for that is not the subject of this blog, so let me just have it in another time.

Going back, there are times that I had been asking myself: “Why am I still like this? Why am I still sulking over the fact that I am far away from home?” Most of the people who know me also know that I had left home for the seminary after I graduated from elementary, and stayed there until the middle of the semester of my 7^th year (or third year college) in the formation. After that, I decided to study here in Laguna, when I had the opportunity to continue my studies.

I know…being away sucks. Though I had the hang of not being at home most of the time, this time is a lot different from before. Honestly, in the past, I did not have the chance to be close to my family. Now, it’s different. How much have I lost! And to think that it is the only concern I had, is wrong. I just realized lately that I had not known myself wholly as well! Too bad…

And also, I am sad over the fact that each and every time I have to leave for school; I leave someone special…behind. That is why I always look forward to coming home at the end of the school week…

Being away is hard…but I can still struggle and cope with it…I hope you do too.

Isang Pagkilala sa Sarili (Tagalog naman!)

Minsan, nakakatuwa na isipin na may mga pagkakataon na kung saan naipapagmalaki natin sa ating mga sarili na ang may kaalaman tungkol sa ating mga sarili ay ang ating mga sarili din. Madalas mangyari sa akin iyon. Ngunit, di lingid sa akin, nagiging sanhi din ito ng hindi pagkakakintindihan at sa kalaunan…tila darating tayo sa konklusyon na mali pala ang ating ipinagmamalaki.

Sa madami at tila sunod-sunod na pagkakataon na dumating iyon sa aking buhay, mga tanong ang tumatanim sa aking isipan. Nakakatuwa, ang mga tanong na nasa aking isipan ay tumugma sa mga tanong na nakasaad bilang gabay sa paggawa ng pagsalamin sa sariling ito.

Una, ang tanong na ukol sa mga pinahahalagahan. Ano nga ba ang mga bagay na pinahahalagahan ko? Ano ang mga bagay na isinasaalang-alang ko? Sa unang tingin, sobrang napakarami ng mga ito. Pinahahalagahan ko ang aking sarili, ang aking pamilya, ang kalayaan, dignidad, kapayapaan ng sarili, at kahit ang aking pakikibilang. Pinapahalagahan ko rin ang opinyon ng ibang tao, ngunit sa lebel lamang ng pananalamin sa aking sarili. Pinapahalagahan ko rin ang katotohanan, responsibilidad, pagtulong at komitment. Pinahahalagahan ko ang mga maliliit na bagay na bumubuo sa aking sarili, maging ito man ay panloob o panlabas lamang. Sa aking paniniwala, ang mga pinahahalagahan kong ito ay isa sa mga sangay kung saan nakikita ko at nakikilala ko ang aking sarili. Sabi nga ng iba: “Sabihin mo sa akin kung sino ang iyong mga kaibigan, at sasasbihin ko sa iyo kung sino ka”. Sa analohiyang ito, ang mga bagay na pinahahalagahan ko ay tila mga kaibigan na maaring magsalamin sa akin upang makita ko ang aking pagkatao at pagka-tao sa kabuuan.

Ano ang aking mga pinaniniwalaan? Sa pagtagal at pag-usad ng panahon, ang aking mga mababaw na paniniwala ay unti-unting nawala sa aking isipan, ngunit ang mga malalalim at mahahalagang paniniwala ay nanatili. Naniniwala ako na mayroong Diyos, na bagamat iba-iba ang katawagan, iisa pa rin. Naniniwala ako sa pag-ibig, na pinagmumulan ng kabutihan at nagpapalabas sa tunay na kulay ng isang tao. Naniniwala ako sa karapatan ng tao na maging malaya at matuto na gamitin ang isip, hindi lamang upang maabot at katotohanan, ngunit upang malaman din ang nilalaman ng isipan. Nainiwala ako sa kapatawaran ng kasalanan at pagkukulang, maging ito man ay sa sarili, o sa iba, o maaari rin naman sa DIyos. Naniniwala ako sa katotohan, na kahit ito man ay bunga ng iba’t-ibang paraan ng pagtuklas at pagkakaalam, ay iisa pa rin.

Ano- ano ang aking mga kailangan? Isa sa mga kinakailangan ko ay oras para sa aking sarili at sa mga bagay na pinahahalagahan ko. Nakakalungkot isipin, hindi ko ito nagagawa ng madalas. Kailangan ko rin ng pang-unawa sa minsang pagiging iba ng aking isipan at pagintindi ukol sa mga bagay-bagay na nangyayari sa aking kapaligiran. Kailangan ko ng mga tao na makikinig at makakintindi ng aking mga iniisip at nadarama. Kung sa pansarili naman ang pag-uusapan, kailangan ko ng kapayapaan ng isip, lalong matinding paniniwala sa kakayanan ko, at paniniwala sa ibang tao. Alam ko na matibay na ang aking paniniwala sa Diyos, ngunit kung hindi man lubos, nangangailangan pa rin ako ng tibay at tatag ng pananampalataya sa kanya. Minsan kasi, nararamdaman ko na tila umaalpas ang aking kamay sa kanyang pagkakahawak.

Sa lahat ng aking nabanggit, huli kong tanong sa sarili ko sa pagkakataong ito: Nasaan na nga ba ako? Sino na nga ba ako?

Ako ay isang nilalang, isang tao na patuloy na naglalakas sa napakahabang landasin ng buhay, na sa bawat liko ay nag-iisip kung saan ba ako nababagay na magpatuloy. Kakatuwa, minsan rin ay naitatanong ko sa sarili kung bakit ko nga ba napili ang daang dinaanan ko. Ngunit, kung ano man ang maihahandog sa akin ng aking pinili, alam ko na ito’y sa akin.

For Two Meddling People…Who Just Won’t Stop

You…

Honestly, I don’t really think you understand the situation. Then, I ask: are you innocent, or just ignorant? I am certain you are not innocent. Worse…you might be just making yourself ignorant…much more like a fool.

I pity you for being judgmental. You take things as what you see and judge them using your insufficient reason. You interpret things that happen as though you have the right to do so. And worse, you are doing that on people…lol.

I live my life, and so is the rest of this world…even you. Live your own; I don’t need someone who doesn’t even know how to ask me what’s going on, and just go on thinking what he wants to think.

What’s happening doesn’t always show on the things you plainly sense about. Understand between the actions and life, as reading between the lines. There are things that must be left as it is, and prying just to know these things isn’t going to help either you or me. What would you gain then, if you would know what you want to know? Isn’t it you judged it even before it was made known to you? What’s the sense? And if you would know what needs to be known, would you believe it? I don’t think so. You’ve already judged it before you could have understood it.

You’re too rash in your actions. But, if that’s the way you want it to be, I won’t stop you. Just don’t blame me if you’re gonna lose sight of the road, and hit something with full force. I tell you, you won’t even have the chance to survive. You might as well be dead…

Sounds morbid? I may be exaggerating…but for you, it isn’t impossible. Watch your step; you might be stepping on the wrong ground. And that…just might be the last one.

And for You…

Isn’t it funny that the person I thought to be that someone I could feel close to in the past would be the complete opposite? I mean…you. You think you’re so smart? You think you could actually be everyone’s eye-candy?

What you did placed the wall between us…and what you did just ended to become the knife I’m holding right now. Guess where would I use it? You don’t need to…I’ll tell you: it’s for you. What you did isn’t an act of concern…Does your nature include being meddlesome?

Don’t ever cross me…you would regret that I might just run you through…if you still can.

Ei, just a thought…if you think these are just empty words…

YOU DON’T KNOW ME! SO…BACK OFF!

Trip

When my family and I, together with some of our former neighbors and friends from Muntinlupa went to Nasugbu, Batangas last weekend, I thought that it was already late for a splash down cool (and skin-darkening) waters before hitting back to school. But, just as my father calls it: “Huling Hirit sa Tag-init: PACPOB” (PACPOB stands for Poon, Afable, Castro, POBlete), it wasn’t that late, though.

I told myself that day that I would only swim during the afternoon or towards nighttime, but I just bit my tongue when we arrived there I and saw how enticing the place was. We left the house past 6 in the morning and arrived a little near 4 hours after. What I hoped to be a short stint at the pool turned into several hours of swimming at the beach, while somehow imagining that I’m hearing Sandwich’s “Sunburn” song (while hoping that I won’t be having that). lol.

With this family event that I had, let me share some moments where I had the chance to think and realize some facts that somehow escaped my mind this whole summer…

1) When I had the chance to talk with Ouie, my kid neighbor, I was somehow dumbfounded with the answer he gave me. I asked him, “Bakit mo ginagawa yan? (pertaining to the sand castle he was making along the seashore) He plainly answered, “Wala lang. Gusto ko eh.”

The thought: Sometimes, things just can’t be complicated; they can be seen as they are. When I started to criticize almost everything that comes into my known world, I tend to complicate what can be seen as just plain and simple. Actually, I miss those times when I can just answer plainly. Right now, honestly, I tend to go to even the littlest detail I know as such to answer even a simple question asked to me…But I can’t help it. Things are not plain and simple anymore in my world.

2) A large (and I mean it) group of students from MAPUA (EE,ECE et al) went to the same resort where we were, I can’t help but wonder how some people end up like what some had. Surprisingly, I bumped into an old classmate of mine way back in high school, who happens to be a graduating student in that school.

The thought: It’s really surprising to reminisce memories of the past with someone you share it with. And somehow disappointing that you haven’t got the chance to share your present with that same person you shared your past with. But hey, this is a big world…I must go out and explore…

Humbling, simple, happy…