Series 1

Complicating the Simple Part 1

On Intention and Action

As I recall my blogsposts a few months back, I stumbled at my post wherein I somehow spoke of intention and manner of doing the intention. I cannot recall the exact words that I used, but it’s somehow like this: People generally have good intentions, but the manner in doing so varies its results; may it be for the person itself or for others.

I just had the urge to dwell on this matter as I woke up this morning…

I still believe, even if I have no more reason to, that people really have good intentions in their mind. Considering that all people are god in nature, their actions comes or roots out of it. Since man in general is good, his actions in general must be good as well. But let’s look at the real (and somehow grim) thing about life. No one can tell me, especially nowadays, that there is this particular person who is the personal embodiment of this nature and action of goodness. Looking at the fact that we are somehow infected, affected or plagued by influences that surrounds us (may it be good or bad), each and everyone of us cannot have goodness alone. Let’s just face it…all of us have our own demons within.

Thus, from this, we come at this statement: Indeed man is by nature good, but is somehow nurtured with the presence of evil. I would then assume the position that all the “good” actions that we do or know as such are tainted with a certain degree of “evil”. Come to think of this, when we do wrong or evil, we are somehow aware of the contradictory standpoint of it (that is, good). How about if we shift things 180 degrees?

Someone who’s reading this might ask me why we are moving away from my introductory issue. Actually, I’m not. I’m just going back to look at the principles (those that I see firsthand) guiding the issue of intention and action. I just saw that since man is generally good, his actions are also good, including his intentions. However, as I recall my studies in Ethics, it speaks of sin (or evil) enters in the level of decision, precedent to action. Thus, one’s actions may be tainted of affected by evil, to some extent; however we see it as good.

Now, looking at everything that I mentioned above, I could say then that the subject doing the intention is at fault for the result of the intention. We see our intention as good, and since the action that descends from it came from good, we see it in the same way as good. But it’s not always the case. The gravity of the action, especially towards the other subject (or person), is that variable that changes everything. How? It is the presence of individual perception (or somehow, the shallow relativity) of the notion of goodness…

(to be continued (on the absolute and relative presence of goodness and conclusion) and republished later…its no use if I spill everything here in one shot, right?)

P.S.: Why do I somehow complicate things that can be perceived as simple? Simple. Some simple things are even hard to understand by those who are too wise (as they say they are). I’m just helping them out.

Quoting from a Friend…Food for Thought

I would just like to quote some lines from a dear friend’s blog. It’s interesting, and it moved me to think about things, especially my relationship with other people. Anyway, here it is:

“Alam namin na minsan talaga, nakakabangga ka lang ng hindi mo sinasadya at madaling patawarin iyon. Yun nga lang, silipin mo man lang sana kung ang nabangga mo ay nadapa, tumumba o nasugatan”.

Want and Change

What I Want…What the Other Wants

There are times that we wish well for ourselves. Also, we at times wish for the best for those who are dear to us, or even to those we know. Thinking about this, we are somehow pushed or driven with the desire to do everything possible to achieve our hopes and intentions; may it be for us or for others.

However, what about the other person? Does the other person feel the same way? Sometimes, no matter how good or justified our intentions are for the other person, it’s not what the other person wants, or even needs.

Maybe, this happens because of our subjective perception on the concept of good or welfare, especially for the other person. We differ in our thoughts of attaining good and the desires as well as actions leading to it. Even the mere concept of goodness for our own differs from one to another. My view on goodness differs on others, and vice-versa.
How then, can I determine the need of the other person, in line with my intention and hope of welfare and goodness for that person?

Self-Introspection…I Changed

Ever since I left the seminary a year ago, I first thought that I must shed off my seminarian-style of manners; ranging from my stern or strict attitude and aura, to even my ‘probinsyano’ accent. I have to admit, when I was still inside, I always hoped that other people would treat me as someone similar to them. I hate to be seen someone different, or even higher, than other people.

To date, it has been a year and 3 months since then, and I have to admit, I changed a lot. I got taller by 3 inches, gained 40 more pounds for my weight, looked older than my real age and grew darker in complexion.

But seriously, aside from my physical attributes, I can feel that I changed a lot on the inside. Aside from myself, there is only one person who knows this, and understands what I’m going through. I have to admit; I shifted to the wrong gear, turned the wrong direction, and stopped on places where I should not be. But in these places, I learned more about life: that it’s not only a monotonous environment, dictated by norms and rules; but a conglomeration of different phases and moments where I rise and fall on different aspects of my life.

I know, it’s been quite sometime since I last did a check-up on who is the real Kristoffer right now. I’m just waiting for the right time to do so. I have to leave some things behind for some time. That would be rough…

But I hope; as I come back, I’ll know myself even more, accept myself even more…love myself even more. And in doing so, I could say that I could also do so to others.

But right now, I’m half-full.

delayed posts

Stuck at Home

Being stuck at home this vacation is somehow boring. Yah, I admit, some of the things that I do while I’m stuck in our house is somehow done routinely. Come to think of it, isn’t this like what I used to do back then? (Back when?)

But, I also have to admit, this daily routine that I do here around the house makes me remember some of the things that I almost forgot; one of which is, discipline. Ok..ok, so I’m not that stern person that I used to be. But maybe, a little discipline gained each day makes me a better person, right?

Btw, how do I spend a regular summer day here? Let me describe. I wake up at 5 or 6 in the morning, regardless of the time I slept the previous day. I sweep the façade of our house, as well as the garage; then I go water the plants. While I’m doing that, I also heat water for coffee, as well as turn of the lights from the grotto and the kubo. If I’m done at around 7, I start then to sweep the floor inside the house, from the rooms upstairs, going down to the rest of the house. Since my dad’s the one cooking breakfast, that’s one chore down for me. After my parents as well as my sister leave the house for work, I clean up in the kitchen. After which will I only take my breakfast (mainly a cup of coffee and a piece of bread).

I go with the rest of the day by cleaning the CR’s, feeding the dogs, clean the kubo and other stuffs like that. At around 5 in the afternoon, I start to work in the kitchen. If my parents leave me with something to cook for dinner, that’s the thing that I usually do. From preparing, eating and cleaning up the dining room and kitchen, that’s my job. I usually finish my day’s work by 9 in the evening, after locking up.

Some asked my what my usual leisure activities in between my daily chores? Sometimes, I listen to the radio, have a little time in the Internet, or simply channel surfing in the TV.

I have to admit, in the middle of this summer vacation, I feel tired, with all this things that I practically do everyday. But hey, “no pain, no gain”, right?

What then can I gain from this, ei? Wala ba akong day-off? (HAHAHA!)

Sometimes, I think: I should be somehow envious with those who do nothing this vacation but be happy in their means possible. But I don’t…. :)

Cooking

From among the usual household chores that I do, the least that I like is that of cooking. But hey, that was then…

Since vacation started, there are some instances wherein my dad or mom would call up and tell me to do this or do that. But lately, they’ve been asking me to cook! What the?!

But, happily, I pulled my work fine. Well, besides from little cuts and small burns, I’m still ok.

I hope I could cook good food before the school year starts, coz I’m gonna miss home-style cooking then.

Refreshing my Driving Know-how

I had my driving lessons last year, but I wasn’t able to practice it. As far as I can remember, the last time I drove was May last year, while on our stay in Bataan. The school year passed without me having the chance to take over the wheel.

I feel so glad when my dad decided to let me practice my driving this summer. However, it’s not with a driving school; and my dad’s not the one to see through? Who? My brother!

Yikes! That one whose driving makes me nuts at times; who drives at times at 120 kph in the highway, when its supposed to be only a hundred?

But then, I have to trust my dad’s decision. Just last Monday, I started with my brother seated beside me in the front seat. He’s not bad after all. He’s giving me tips in driving that I instructor never told me a year back. And they’re useful too! And besides, he’s not as pessimistic as my former instructor.

I just hope I could finish my driving review by the first week of May. I plan to have my license as an advance gift for myself.

At least, I have something productive for myself that I did this vacation.

nonesense...

“You know you are your own. And you know that who you are is a result of your own search of gaining yourself. Yet you won’t be that person you are bragging about right know without those who made you to become as such. So don’t be stupid letting the whole world know that you are who you are because of your own. You’re such one big hypocrite”.

“Am I really the one to blame that you ended up like trash? You made it this way. I won’t say it’s your fault why nobody’s listening to you anymore. Maybe, I may have a hand in leading you to your ‘demise’. But hey, look at you! You say you’re wise? What have you done, then? You just lead yourself and others to a place only you can see. What have you done to them? You made them believe that what you perceive is that which they must believe as well. They have their own minds, and neglecting that really hits the spot. Because of this, you are now just all by yourself…alone.”

“If you feel that you are unrecognized or disrespected, don’t treat them the same way. Knowing this makes you wiser than them. You know better. If you do, you’ll just end up being one of those who you despise: them.”

“I’ve had enough of this joke! Why am I doing this in the first place, ei? Is it because of you? Or is it because of them? Look at this! Are we still on the track we see fit for us? Maybe, this is one big joke after all. Don’t tell me this is the only way, or is it just this is the only way you see fit for you? If you want, just lead yourself crashing. Don’t bring all of us down with you. Unless you see what needs to be done, all I can say is: I pity you. What I can do? Hey…don’t expect me to do everything. You’re not helping yourself. Why should I? ”

“You always end up blaming yourself for whatever failure is happening between you and the other person. You also blame yourself for the wrong things happening that involves you. But come think about this…are you the only one capable of committing failures? Are you the only one who could think, and sometimes even think wrongly? Blaming yourself somehow implies that you deprive others of the chance to commit mistakes…that shouldn’t be it.”

Going Out

I think it’s quite a luxury for me that I still have the chance to go out of the house from time to time. You see, since its vacation, my parents allowed our helper to go back to the province with her family. With no one to look after the house, they somehow appointed me to do it. Not only that, but practically doing almost everything what our helper is doing (except washing and ironing the clothes, as well as cooking). I think they made a good decision, but sometimes I think that somehow, they are left with no choice :p. Why? Both of my parents are working, my sister is also working; my brother is concentrating on his ECE Exams and Aspirancy for a certain organization. So, that leaves me, in my summer vacation, to do whatever they ask me to around the house. Not only that, I also have our youngest brother to worry about. Oh, brother!

I’m not complaining, actually, I like it. Why? There are quite a number of reasons why. I get to have some time at home. I could do some chores around the house (so I can somehow justify why I have to stay here at this time). I can work throughout the day, so I could keep my body from gaining so much weight from eating. And still there are so much more…

Going back to the title, as I say, it’s quite a luxury for me to go outside from time to time. There are some simple rules to follow for me to have some time out:

1.) There must be a substitute adult to stay for me to go,

2.) All assigned and initiated chores for the day must be finished,

3.) House must be in order and secured, rooms must be arranged and neat,

4.) If I decide to leave during the day, I must be home by 6 in the evening (to cook dinner),

5.) If I decide to leave in the evening, I must be home not later than 10, and lastly,

6.) If I leave home, ask permission from my parents first.

Some may think, “I’m already 20 years old, why still ask permission from my parents? Why still do chores around the house? Why still take care of my brother who’s already 12 years old?” “Why this and why that?”

Simple answers. First, I need to. Second, I want to.

By the way, if you’ll ask me about what I usually do when I have the opportunity to spend some time out? Simple. I spend it the way I see it fit. I have no time for doing nonsense.

A Happy Moment

I believe that yesterday is one of those days that I could really wish would happen as often as possible. It’s just simple: Knowing that I spent worthy (but somehow fleeting) time doing something worthwhile with someone so special.

Thank you so much!

Details, you say? Nah! For some other time…

Maybe. :))

"reflect...know...accept...do something about it"
i honestly would like to say that this is easier said than done...
but, come to think of it:
isn't it dumb to be in the same place where you never hoped you would be in again?
i fell in that hole too many times, and i can say, i've been dumb...
but hey, i said...i've been

just thinkin...

peace out!

Untitled Series II

We always seek to find new and better ways for most of the things that we are aware of. Some of which are the things that we think about, say, or even do. But hey, could you please take some time to think about this?

Before you would take off to the journey to find new and better ways, have you had the full (or at least adequate) grasp of what you’ll be leaving behind?

Why are you leaving it in the first place? Is it because it doesn’t suit or fit you? Or are you just bored or tired with it? I’m not being pessimistic here, I’m just asking. Can it be also that you are looking for new things for the sake of others? Or for your own self?

Look back to the place where you have left. Go look ahead to the place where you want to be. But I’m pretty sure you’ll be heading back to where you came from after some time. With some new baggage at hand, do you think that the place where you’re coming back to could still carry you? Or will it just crumple to the ground, together with you and whatever you brought back. It would be pointless in that way that you made the journey in the first place.

Make sure you have a steady ground of what you’ll be leaving behind, coz you’ll gonna be back there somehow.

===

Never assume that others know the same thing that you know. Never even assume that they would even try to think the way you do.

If you do, especially if you are respected and admired by them in a way; you’ll be making them think that way in vain.

Why?

You’ll just be leading and bringing them up, make them stop and leave them in mid-air, and send them crashing down to the ground.

I pity you.

===

Be mindful of the things that you do. Actually, I really don’t care much about what you do and how you do it.

But I know someone else does.

Untitled Series I

I believe there is a thin line dividing two thoughts: that of caring and that of meddling. However, I’m still trying to find how it can be justified in its truest sense. I didn’t say I don’t know; I do. But, I just need to find for myself how I could really distinguish one from the other.

===

There is one among many things that ticks me off: when someone doesn’t respect my individuality; or the freedom to be myself. I guess everybody does. I ask then: why do other people really makes it a habit to take over one’s freedom to be his or herself?

===

A good friend sent me a SMS a few days ago, which says:

“People are gonna talk about me…especially when they envy me with the way I live my life

I’ll let them talk…I affected their lives, they didn’t affect mine”

At one face: Insensitivity

This reminds me of one advice I received from a friend a few years back: “Those who anger you, conquers you”

===

Getting too personal? Hey! Back off, will ya?

lol.

compilation

I

My mind’s restless, telling me to write down my thoughts.

Yet my thoughts are too scrambled to be written.

I am typing words which should not be, thinking about thoughts which must never be.

I would slowly grasp words from my head, and try to gather as much thought that I could make up of it.

What is then the reason that I post these words?

Is it just because I have little to do? Or is it just for me to think that my mind’s still working, fearing that it doesn’t anymore?

Is it because I want to brag about how I think? Well, I’m really sorry, I don’t.

Is it because I’m just trying to express my thoughts and ideas in form of words, which I myself could not contain or even create?

Why then? I go…

II

I guess I should be happy, but the truth is, I’m not.

I guess I should be contented with what’s happening, but, I’m not.

I guess I should be open about my life, but sheessh…not everyone really deserves to be trusted.

I guess I should be more responsible for the things that I can do, not on things that other people pushes me to.

I guess I should be more attuned with myself, but even as I speak, I’m not.

I guess I should not be conceited in things that must not be seen as one-sided, but there are times that I fall in it.

I guess I should not try to judge myself and others to be limited as such, but hey, sometimes I do.

I guess I should not belittle myself and compare myself to others, coz I am not them in the first place.

I guess I should not meddle with other peoples’ businesses, much as what other people do.

I guess I should not be too proud of myself, coz I think an adequate pride is enough.

I guess…

III

I was not able to post here in my blog for the past couple of days. Why? I usually post here when I do other things, and I just don’t go bloggin’ if this is the only thing that I’ll do. Besides, this is summertime, and there is not much use of the Internet for me. Another fact that since its summer, my primary responsibility (or the place that I must primarily be in) is here in my home, where I’m staying in this time of the year; doing chores and looking after the house since our helper’s gone home. She wouldn’t be back till the end of summer, so that means that I am this house’s nanny for the summer. That’s fine with me, I got used to it.

Ever since vacation began, most of its time is spent here inside the house. I rarely have the chance to go outside, and even if I do, I only do so during the evening, when I already have a replacement adult inside the house. The heck, I first thought: “Kung kelan pa bakasyon at nagpapakasaya ako sa labas, saka pa ako nakulong dito sa bahay!” But then again, who says that staying at home is such a bad thing? Yah, I know, I like going out even if I have no reason to (reflects in my skin color, isn’t it?)

So, my sincere apologies to the commitments I can’t respond to, responsibilities I can’t attend to, people I can’t meet, and the like. I am not as free as you, but I’m not complaining.

Peace out!

IV

Am I still being myself?

Have I gone too far?

Am I still the person who other people thought I am?

Have I changed relatively?

Am I still holding back?

Have I repressed myself for so long?

Am I still lying?

Have I kept the truth all along?

As Summer Starts

I sighed to myself after my finals week at school, and as of now, I don’t know why. Was it because it’s already summer, or was it because I have to leave school and stay at home? Naturally, there are different emotions mixed up here…however, I am not much of the feelings-type of guy. Moreover, I am now thinking of the many times, many opportunities, many experiences as well as many lessons that are in front of me this summer.

As of this day of posting this, April 3, there had been already so many things that happened…some of which good, and still, the others were not so good (not totally bad in its fullest sense). Anyway, if you’ll ask me, this would be (to date) my most memorable summer…why? Haha!

I just hope, as this summer begins, progresses, and ends…I could do so many things not only for myself, but for others as well.

And by the way, before this summer ends, I’ll be focusing myself only on less than five priorities. What those are…is for me to know, and others to find out.