Want and Change

What I Want…What the Other Wants

There are times that we wish well for ourselves. Also, we at times wish for the best for those who are dear to us, or even to those we know. Thinking about this, we are somehow pushed or driven with the desire to do everything possible to achieve our hopes and intentions; may it be for us or for others.

However, what about the other person? Does the other person feel the same way? Sometimes, no matter how good or justified our intentions are for the other person, it’s not what the other person wants, or even needs.

Maybe, this happens because of our subjective perception on the concept of good or welfare, especially for the other person. We differ in our thoughts of attaining good and the desires as well as actions leading to it. Even the mere concept of goodness for our own differs from one to another. My view on goodness differs on others, and vice-versa.
How then, can I determine the need of the other person, in line with my intention and hope of welfare and goodness for that person?

Self-Introspection…I Changed

Ever since I left the seminary a year ago, I first thought that I must shed off my seminarian-style of manners; ranging from my stern or strict attitude and aura, to even my ‘probinsyano’ accent. I have to admit, when I was still inside, I always hoped that other people would treat me as someone similar to them. I hate to be seen someone different, or even higher, than other people.

To date, it has been a year and 3 months since then, and I have to admit, I changed a lot. I got taller by 3 inches, gained 40 more pounds for my weight, looked older than my real age and grew darker in complexion.

But seriously, aside from my physical attributes, I can feel that I changed a lot on the inside. Aside from myself, there is only one person who knows this, and understands what I’m going through. I have to admit; I shifted to the wrong gear, turned the wrong direction, and stopped on places where I should not be. But in these places, I learned more about life: that it’s not only a monotonous environment, dictated by norms and rules; but a conglomeration of different phases and moments where I rise and fall on different aspects of my life.

I know, it’s been quite sometime since I last did a check-up on who is the real Kristoffer right now. I’m just waiting for the right time to do so. I have to leave some things behind for some time. That would be rough…

But I hope; as I come back, I’ll know myself even more, accept myself even more…love myself even more. And in doing so, I could say that I could also do so to others.

But right now, I’m half-full.