RANDOM THOUGHTS

It has been again quite some time since I had the change to write (or type) my thoughts here. I owe it to the fact that I was somehow busy minding about what’s going to happen a few months from now…the moment of truth for philosophy students, that is. I was busy preparing my reviewers and everything related to it, that I never had the chance to sit and think about everything that’s happening in me, outside of me, and everything in between.

At the start of the school year, I decided to move out from the dormitory where I used to live for two years, for reasons that are most unpractical for me. Though I moved to a place a little far from the school, I enjoy those afternoon walks going back there and having little chances for exercise.

I somehow pity myself that I a left now with only 6 units to complete (minus the thesis), but that would be all taken care of in due time. There is one thing that I am sure of; I’m going to graduate this school year, no matter what.
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I just realized more that no matter how hard I try to talk to people and suggest on how they carry on with their problems, all I can do is such. As its term suggest means, that’s all that I can do. I may be able to influence people, but that is all that there is to it. They still have the decision all for themselves.

I am not saying that I want to control their lives. There are just times that I believe that I know what’s best, and I’m trying to prevent whatever bad that may come…I am just concerned. I am so fed up in seeing people close to my heart getting hurt over and over again. If I could just take it all in myself…I would gladly do so.

I never really believed in superstitions, but one struck me. Our house-helper noticed a mole on my shoulder, and told me, “Kawawa ka naman kuya, pasan mo ang mundo”. Maybe I do…

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I’ve always tried to look at the positive points in life that is in front of me. But I do not disillusion myself to the point that I choose not to see the rest. I am honestly getting myself in the line of hurt for many times so that I could prevent others from feeling it as well. Maybe I have this talent of seeing all possible consequences of me and other’s decisions, and I try to decide on all of them before they even come. I try to keep a smiling face and a happy attitude in front of others so that they won’t feel pity for me.

In this short life of mine, I just want people to remember me as someone who, “loves not much but well”.