Sometimes, I think that I should post intellectual or philosophical writings when I write; given the nature of my academic studies as of present. Other times, I would like to dwell on my emotions and just have my feelings poured through when I write (or type, in this manner).
Whatever the case may be, please allow me at this time to just type away whatever I feel I need to say.
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A few days has passed since the New Year started. The past year has generally been good to me; though I cannot doubt the fact that there were some things that happened that had never been good to me in any way.
There had been two times that my girlfriend asked for a break-up; one at August and another the following month. As I can recall, it was me who really caused it. But gladly, things went well…we’re still together. I sure learned a lot since then. But then again, I asked myself, “Does it have to happen for me to learn so much about what should be and what should not be in my relationship?”
=====
Before the year ended, I said goodbye to two friends who I really held dear to me. Deep inside me, I really tried to hold on to the fact that I have to fight for the friendship that we shared; no matter the distance between us, or even the time that passed. Then I realized, maybe it’s time for me to let go, and move on; just like what they did. That was never an easy decision for me to make, but I had to.
“Was it so wrong to look forward to promises made? Was it wrong for me to feel sad and disappointed when those promises were not brought to fruition?”
I’ve always said to people who come to me that “whatever relationship shared between people might be successful or a failure. Its success and failure would not be attributed or blamed to just one, but on all those who shared that relationship”. With that in mind, with the friends I’ve lost the past year, I am partly to be blamed. I concur.
“How many more should I let go?”
=====
I am slowly burning out. My studies are one thing, but really, what happens back home is taking so much from me. I have no problems with my parents; I really love and appreciate having them with me; supporting and encouraging me for all the things that I do and will do. Their positive attitude and outlook in life is what keeps me going on, especially in trying times that come my way. I have no problems with my elder siblings too, with my sister and brother responsibly doing their part to help around the house and being really dedicated to their respective work, I am only thankful. Also, I am deeply grateful with my older brother for being the one who supports me financially, week after week, as I go through the rest of my college stay. (My mom’s taking care of my board and lodging expenses, while my brother’s taking care of my allowance). Actually, my older brother and I are not exactly close to each other, and I can remember those times that we don’t even talk to each other when I come home from back where I studied before.
My pressing problem at present is our youngest. Somehow, I know that there’s a huge gap between us. Yes, there’s an 8-year gap in our age, and I rarely see him when I go home every week. With what I am hearing from the rest of the family, I can’t help but get irritated, sometimes get mad, with my youngest brother. Oftentimes, I end up reminding or scolding him, but then after that, I try to explain myself to him with why I acted like that. Yet, each time that happens, whatever he has been doing in the past grows more, in a negative way.
There are times that my parents scold me for treating my youngest brother harshly, if that is the real way to describe it. They say that I should understand that he’s going through that stage of discernment and exploration of self (in a psychological point-of-view). But what he’s doing, as I can it, is too much. If I am allowed to justify my actions, it is because I am more aware of the repercussions of his actions, and much more, because I am concerned with the welfare and dignity of my family.
I may be overreacting, but step in my shoes; you’ll see what I mean.
=====
Before the year ended, we were somehow scolded by our professor for not being able to live up to the challenge for the coming De Universa Comprehensive Examinations. Somehow, it dawned to me that he’s definitely right, maybe I’m not prepared. However, that’s my present predicament. There’s still time. I can do it. I can still do my best.
I believe that real failure and the real sense of not living up to the challenge comes when I give up.
=====
Maybe, with all of these said, I’ve cleared some space in my mind.
I can now continue what I need to do.
Whatever the case may be, please allow me at this time to just type away whatever I feel I need to say.
=====
A few days has passed since the New Year started. The past year has generally been good to me; though I cannot doubt the fact that there were some things that happened that had never been good to me in any way.
There had been two times that my girlfriend asked for a break-up; one at August and another the following month. As I can recall, it was me who really caused it. But gladly, things went well…we’re still together. I sure learned a lot since then. But then again, I asked myself, “Does it have to happen for me to learn so much about what should be and what should not be in my relationship?”
=====
Before the year ended, I said goodbye to two friends who I really held dear to me. Deep inside me, I really tried to hold on to the fact that I have to fight for the friendship that we shared; no matter the distance between us, or even the time that passed. Then I realized, maybe it’s time for me to let go, and move on; just like what they did. That was never an easy decision for me to make, but I had to.
“Was it so wrong to look forward to promises made? Was it wrong for me to feel sad and disappointed when those promises were not brought to fruition?”
I’ve always said to people who come to me that “whatever relationship shared between people might be successful or a failure. Its success and failure would not be attributed or blamed to just one, but on all those who shared that relationship”. With that in mind, with the friends I’ve lost the past year, I am partly to be blamed. I concur.
“How many more should I let go?”
=====
I am slowly burning out. My studies are one thing, but really, what happens back home is taking so much from me. I have no problems with my parents; I really love and appreciate having them with me; supporting and encouraging me for all the things that I do and will do. Their positive attitude and outlook in life is what keeps me going on, especially in trying times that come my way. I have no problems with my elder siblings too, with my sister and brother responsibly doing their part to help around the house and being really dedicated to their respective work, I am only thankful. Also, I am deeply grateful with my older brother for being the one who supports me financially, week after week, as I go through the rest of my college stay. (My mom’s taking care of my board and lodging expenses, while my brother’s taking care of my allowance). Actually, my older brother and I are not exactly close to each other, and I can remember those times that we don’t even talk to each other when I come home from back where I studied before.
My pressing problem at present is our youngest. Somehow, I know that there’s a huge gap between us. Yes, there’s an 8-year gap in our age, and I rarely see him when I go home every week. With what I am hearing from the rest of the family, I can’t help but get irritated, sometimes get mad, with my youngest brother. Oftentimes, I end up reminding or scolding him, but then after that, I try to explain myself to him with why I acted like that. Yet, each time that happens, whatever he has been doing in the past grows more, in a negative way.
There are times that my parents scold me for treating my youngest brother harshly, if that is the real way to describe it. They say that I should understand that he’s going through that stage of discernment and exploration of self (in a psychological point-of-view). But what he’s doing, as I can it, is too much. If I am allowed to justify my actions, it is because I am more aware of the repercussions of his actions, and much more, because I am concerned with the welfare and dignity of my family.
I may be overreacting, but step in my shoes; you’ll see what I mean.
=====
Before the year ended, we were somehow scolded by our professor for not being able to live up to the challenge for the coming De Universa Comprehensive Examinations. Somehow, it dawned to me that he’s definitely right, maybe I’m not prepared. However, that’s my present predicament. There’s still time. I can do it. I can still do my best.
I believe that real failure and the real sense of not living up to the challenge comes when I give up.
=====
Maybe, with all of these said, I’ve cleared some space in my mind.
I can now continue what I need to do.
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