I really cannot say that I am an expert in relationships. I admit, I never had one yet. I know things either because people tell me their experiences, or somehow, I just know. I cannot really brag knowledge about it…as I say it: “wisdom comes from experience, and experience comes in age. Therefore, wisdom comes in age” Logically correct, but…is it materially correct? If it is, then why some people in relationships doesn’t learn from it?
I am writing this to present my realizations about relationships. Others may see this as relevant; others may see this as rubbish. As I say it again, I never really had any formal relationships, thus I haven’t really proven this as generally applicable. However, for those who are still starting with their relationships, here it is:
1.) Partnership, not possession.
I see relationships as partnership, not possession. I always say to my friends: “Do not treat your gf/bf as a commodity or property; treat them as partners”. Why? First of all, they are like us. Being in a relationship does not mean one owns the other. And in this patriarchal society of ours, we cannot deny the fact that most of the time, we see the man above the woman. There is the bond of commitment, indeed. However, that bond must not be a bond that restricts or confines one or both. Rather, it should be a bond that permits freedom. After all, love given by both and received by both is free, it was not forced. I say, if you feel that you are somehow restricted or confined in your relationship, think twice…
2.) Respect of Individuality
In line with what was said in the first idea, treat your gf/bf as partners. Well, you cannot be partners with yourself, right? Thus, I speak of the individuality of those involved in relationships. Remember, your partner cannot be you, and you cannot be your partner as well (well, not absolutely…). Though bound by commitment and love with each other, it still is a fact that the two of you involved in the relationship are still two different people.
One cannot force the other to think, act, speak, feel etc. like oneself. Rather than forcing ourselves to our partners, let them understand us, and in progress, have ourselves also on the road of understanding them. Being in relationship, one of which is the bf/gf one, requires understanding between the two, along with the feeling of love and care, respect and trust.
One sad fact in relation to this is, we cannot force them to still love us, even when the love is already gone…
3.) Two-Way Learning
Since both of those included in a relationship are human beings, they are capable of learning. And also, since we are changing, there are unlimited possibilities of learning from and with each other. Try to learn from each other, and in progress, understand them as well. How can you possibly love something or someone without knowing it? It says that: The one who knows more, loves more.
Indeed, the reality is this: you cannot love absolutely everything about the other. There will be instances wherein we become sad of the fact that our partners have their iniquities and inadequacies. Well…reality checks again: so are we. Yet learning from each other helps us see those that would fill those that lack in us. Love. Learn. Understand. Accept. Love even more. I believe, that when this cycle stops, the relationship is worse than dead and dry.
Some say that what one knows about the other is enough to love the other….But, why would you stop in knowing the other? Do you fear that somehow, something would cause you to stop loving the other? Just asking…
4.) Happiness of Both
Just checking…Are you still happy with your relationship? Is the other? Both of you? I see this as this…staying in a relationship also asks that the relationship is grounded on love; love that seeks the happiness of the other, even over one’s own. I have to admit, and we have to admit that: Our lives are not all happy. So is our relationship. But would that stop you from searching happiness for the one you love? And even more, searching happiness with the one you love?
I think happiness in relationship lies in the decision of both inside that relationship to see the good things in life, in spite of all that had, may, or will come in their lives. The fact that both of them stayed through the times are that their relationships progressed and still grow. When both see happiness in whatever their lives and relationship bring them…that relationship is sure is to grow.
5.) Look at the Reason
Can you still remember why you are in that relationship the first place?
If not, why stay?
If not, why don’t you try to remember?
Was it Love? Impulse? Want? Need? Caprice? Lust?
A building with strong foundations is sure to stand the test of time. And in relationships, I believe that the strongest foundation would be love. Love your partners. Make them feel that they are loved. Love for the other is useless unless expressed and felt. Don’t regret it when it is already lost.
6.) A hand offered, not a chain tied
Imagine…treating your partner like an animal, tied with you. Does it feel good for you? How about the other? What does the other feel? As for me, I see relationships in the image of a hand.
Why hand? A hand, I believe is a great sign for relationship. It opens, closes, gets a hold of something, and it also lets go. The choice of both inside the relationship can be seen in the hands. They hold one another, rests one over the other, gets a hold of things and matters between them, and it sometimes asks to let go. If these are restricted in a relationship, I think that relationship is going down.
Each one involved in a relationship has a choice…to remain, to rest for a while, to stay, and to let go. Don’t withhold them. If one loves the other, one strives to see, feel, and understand the other’s happiness.
These are only ideas unless lived and used...
No comments:
Post a Comment